


Smoke & Mirrors

by RainTeaandDragons



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dissociation, Erza ships it, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Gray can't remember much but when he does it's not good, M/M, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Natsu runs away from his problems a lot, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, okay, the slowest of burns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2018-07-11 09:21:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 30
Words: 67,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7042291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainTeaandDragons/pseuds/RainTeaandDragons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gray goes missing and turns up a year and a half later at a hospital on the other side of Fiore from the guild. Only the Gray who comes back is shockingly different from the one who disappeared. What will it take for Natsu to get his friend back, and is it even truly possible?</p><p>(Rated M for some rather gruesome scenes early on.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue - Giganto

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the prologue to a multi-chapter Gratsu centric fic. I've been playing around with this idea for a while and it's finally formulated into a state which I am rather happy with :) no matter how angsty it will get D:
> 
> The title comes from an Imagine Dragons song, 'Smoke & Mirrors'. I absolutely love the song, and for me the lyrics to the song resonate with the themes and plot of this fic, but that is all I'll say for now…
> 
> I hope you like the start and enjoy the other chapters as they come!

**“ _Deep in my heart, deep in my mind, take me away, take me away. This is my word; dream maker, life taker, open up my mind_.”  
\- Smoke  & Mirrors, Imagine Dragons**

As Gray's eyes flickered open the first thing he noticed was that it was impossibly dark. He knew he wasn't blind, Gray could make out shapes in the glow of the moon, but the darkness still clung to him. As he slowly regained control of his senses a dull ache in his hip was brought to his attention, along with a sharp pain on the side of his head.

Gray tried to shift himself so to not be leaning that same painful hip on the cold, rough ground but found both his wrists bound in cuffs and even more pain than before.  _No moving then…_  A hiss escaped his lips as the rusty metal pinched the skin of his wrists. The Ice Mage didn't even bother to try and use magic to get out, he knew his power was cut off from him, that was if he had any left.

Gray flinched as he heard solid footsteps heading his way.  _So, bars, not a door_. Jangling keys and creaking hinges, then rough hands grabbed him under the arms and half dragged him down a stone corridor towards a brightly lit room. His lack of physical strength meant Gray didn't struggle as he was shoved onto a chair and tied down.

Keeping his head lowered, Gray's dark fringe covered his bruised and bloodied face. He couldn't help but squint in the bright light of the room, but Gray wasn't given much time to focus though as his head snapped round painfully from a backhanded slap.

"Pathetic little Fairy." The beefy mage spat the words at his prisoner, "all frail and broken so far from the group."

"Let me go and you'll realise just how pathetic I really am." Gray was satisfied with the amount of fire he could put into those words despite how little energy he had left. Staring up at his captor, Gray smirked. "Where the hell am I? And who are you anyway?"

The size of the man towering over him would put Elfman to shame, but he had none of the same friendliness and warmth which Gray's guild mate had. The giant had jet black hair which spiked away from his square head, there was a jagged scar running diagonally from his right eyebrow to the bottom of the ear on the same side. His lips were thin, and his eyes cold and narrow.

The giant of a man let out a gruff 'ha' of laughter. "They won't find you if that's what you're thinking, and you don't need to know who I am. You won't be leaving here alive."

 _Judging by Giganto here, I hope they don't._  Gray thought _. I don't know what magic he uses. Not yet anyway_. "Really? That's good to know," Gray retorted flippantly, "what do you want?"

"Don't try and be smart." Giganto snapped.

Gray grunted in pain as he received a punch to the jaw. Despite this he kept looking up at the brute of a man in front of him.

"You are going to tell us, who and where the demon E.N.D. is." Giganto's eyes flashed dangerously, "and we know that you know who it is Gray Fullbuster. Mr Ice Devil Slayer."

Gray spat out a spray of dark red blood. "Fuck you."

"You will tell us what we need to know," Giganto growled in anger, "or, we will kill you.

A smug grin flickered over Gray's dry but blood covered lips. "Then kill me."

Gray was out before he could even register that he'd been hit.


	2. One - Missing?

**"** _**I'll taste the devil's tears, drink from his soul, but I'll never give up you** _ **."** **  
** **\- The Devil's Tears, Angus and Julia Stone**

The dark guild had gone down pretty quickly, so the team finished up the job earlier than expected. Gray, Natsu, Erza, Lucy, Wendy, Happy and Carla had set up camp in a field backing onto a forest. They would have been home already on the train but Natsu had pleaded with them that they take a few days to walk and camp along the way. They'd made the decision to do so only because they had brought stuff to camp on the job, but hadn't needed it. Why carry all that camping gear for nothing?

It was a clear night so the group had opted to lay out their camp beds without tents. The beds lay around the fire Natsu had happily provided, splayed out from the flames like petals. Gray and Natsu had been bickering, so Erza sent them to bed early. Funnily enough they'd set up their beds next to each other, so now they lay with their backs to each other and with equally annoyed expressions on their faces. As this was the norm, however, no one was really worried. They'd be bickering again in the morning but by lunch they'd be trying to compete over who could eat the most food and laughing together. This was something that the rest of the team honestly thought wouldn't change one bit.

The others chatted for a while before coming to the conclusion that the earlier they woke the quicker they'd be home. So off to bed it was. Ignoring the loud snoring which filled the camp courtesy of Gray and Natsu, the team tried to sleep. Once asleep, the night continued undisturbed.

The next morning Natsu dragged open his eyes and rolled over to see if Gray was still asleep. I _f he is, I get the pleasure of waking him_.  _I hope the idiot's awake already_. Now on his other side, Natsu rubbed his eyes and blinked a couples of times to make sure what he was seeing was true. Gray was gone. It usually wouldn't have been a problem but they had a rule to wake someone if you were leaving the camp for any reason, and Gray always slept through the night. Natsu had been sharing rooms with Gray on missions their whole lives, he knew something was up.

"Erza!" Natsu shook the redhead next to him awake. "Erza!"

"Wha- what? What are you waking me for!?" Erza growled.

Natsu didn't even flinch, "Gray's gone!"

"…and?" Erza frowned, "he's probably gone to pee in a bush somewhere!"

"No! I have a feeling something's off," Natsu retorted worriedly, "Gray wouldn't go without waking me!"

Erza rose an eyebrow.

"He finds it entertaining." Natsu countered, "Drops ice on my chest until I punch him."

"…and you do this every morning?" Lucy yawned glaring subtly at Natsu.

"Every morning we have to share a room, yes! Remember I wouldn't share with that Ice-Twit unless I had to."

"Speaking of, where is Gray?" Lucy stretched at stood, staring down at the abandoned bed.

"We don't know, and no matter how much that idiot annoys me," Natsu sighed, "I'm worried about him."

"Hey guys!" Wendy's sleepy but worried voice grabbed their attention. "Look at this!"

"Huh?"  _I didn't notice you wake up_ , Natsu knelt down, his gaze followed to where Wendy's small hand pointed. "Oh. Oh no." Natsu's voice came out barely a whisper as he stared at the sleeping bag, eyes wide.

The end of the sleeping bag where Gray's head would have lain was spattered with a thick, dark looking substance. Natsu brushed his fingers over the spots, but he already knew what it was before his fingers came away stained red. The metallic stench had already hit his nostrils. Letting his fingers brush once again over the stain an angry stare creased Natsu's brows.

"Oh god!" Lucy whispered, she lifted her hands to cover her mouth in shock, "Gray…"

"Can you track him? Natsu! Can you track his scent?"

Wendy rose as well, she eyed the Dragon Slayer warily. "Natsu?"

"Dammit!" Natsu yelled, he lashed out in anger, kicking the embers of the dying fire which sparked dangerously. "Where is he? Where is he!" Natsu cried out, "whoever has taken him, I'm gonna find them, and they're gonna pay!"

"Natsu," Lucy stepped forward, her voice level, "you need to calm down!"

"Calm down? Calm down! Someone has taken Gray and I-"

"NATSU!" Erza cut him off, "calm down, right now!"

Natsu nodded, taking a deep breath. He wasn't even sure why he was getting so riled up over Gray of all people, Natsu knew Gray could take care of himself, but there was something about the situation that was off. Why didn't I wake up when they took him? Did Gray not put up a fight? Or did they knock him out in one go? Then sling him over their shoulder and run. This is all my fault.

"Good, then can you catch his scent for us?" Erza offered an encouraging smile, "Follow them to find Gray."

Natsu nodded again. "Spread out, walk along the forest's edge to see if you can find any disturbance. I'll try follow his scent. Happy, Carla, see if you can find anything from above."  _We will find you, Gray._

They split off, all thinking the same thing: How the hell did they take him without us knowing?

Their search came back with nothing though - even Natsu couldn't pick up Gray's scent any further than a few meter radius around the camp. His worry was paramount as lunch time came and there was still no sign, they'd been searching for hours, in and out of the forest. Looking for anything which might point them in the right direction.

It was Wendy who voiced the groups worst fears.

"A wild animal maybe?" Her eyes were wide with fear at even the thought of it. Subconsciously hugging Carla tighter to her chest, Wendy looked up at Natsu.

"I can't smell anything other than all your scents though, and those are familiar." Natsu frowned, "I'd pick something new a mile off. I can't even pick up who ever took him. They must have known there were Dragon Slayers in the group."

"Well," Lucy spoke up hesitantly, "if we can't find him that raises the question of what we're going to do."

"We aren't giving up!" Natsu spoke hastily.

"She never said we were!" Erza growled back, "but we can't stay here waiting for him to turn up, because that won't happen. Nor can we just leave, or stop looking, that would mean we really have given up."

Natsu thought for a moment, "You guys go back."

"What?" The group retorted out in unison.

"Someone has to tell the guild, and it would be quicker and easier to try and find his scent alone. Get some posters made or something and stick them up on your way back. You go with them too Happy. I don't know how long I'll be out here."

"Aye!" Happy replied worriedly. "If you're sure."

"Are you sure about this Natsu?" Wendy asked with a small smile.

"Positive." Natsu offered his widest grin but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

As Lucy turned to start packing up the camp, she noticed as Natsu's expression fell.  _You really do care about him, don't you, Natsu?_

It was nearly a week before Natsu returned home to the guild. He was tired, angry and nearly out of money which he didn't have saved for rent. Without a whisper about Gray even being alive, he was in low spirits. In the meantime, the others had reached out to the other guilds to see if they had heard anything, but there was nothing, they did however, agree to put up posters round their home town.

Lyon had come storming into the guild, angrier even than Natsu - who saw red if anyone even mentioned the Ice-Mage - and demanded to have everything explained in the hopes he might pick up on something the others had missed. Much to his, and everyone else's disappointment he found nothing, not even from the massive board which the team had put together trying to decipher where and why Gray could have been taken. When Sting and Rogue turned up with Lector and a rather teary Frosch (the Exceed had become rather fond of the Ice-Mage), Lyon agreed to come with them on their next search mission. The guild had planned to do them regularly in between their normal paid jobs so to increase the chances of finding him.

After a year with no luck at all, though he didn't want to have to even consider the possibility, Natsu had begun to have doubts that they would find Gray, let alone find him alive. The thought scared him. Though they had always been fighting, he really did care about Gray, he was his closest friend. They'd spent all their time together since they were very young, Natsu knew Gray like he knew himself. The thought that Gray might be gone was devastating for him.

Another six months went by of search parties, sleepless nights and violent bursts of anger before one morning when Natsu walked down to the guild a little earlier than usual. Not everyone was there yet but the small crowd who were watched the Dragon Slayer warily as he sat.

Minutes later Lucy walked in and sat next to Natsu, "morning!" she said cheerily.

Natsu grinned in response, albeit half-heartedly. "Morni-"At that moment the guild communications lacrima started ringing and Natsu jumped up almost knocking over the table where he and Lucy sat. "I'll get it!" He cried out before rushing to the bar where the lacrima sat.

All heads turned to where Natsu stood, lacrima in hand.

"Hello? Yeah, I'm from the Fairy Tail guild." Silence blanketed the hall as Natsu listened. "What!" Natsu whispered. "He's turned up?" A wide grin lit up Natsu's face.

_He's alive. I'm going to get to see Gray again!_

"He's at a hospital?" Natsu's face fell as another long pause left the guild restlessly anxious. "WHAT?"

The lacrima slipped from Natsu's hand and crashed to the floor in pieces but that didn't matter to him now.

Natsu was angrier than he had ever been in his whole life but he couldn't help the broken whisper which left his lips, "he can't be…"


	3. Two - The Hungry Darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter starts off rather dark (torture), so start reading after the first ' - o - o - o - ' if you don't want to read it.

**"** _**Raise your voice, sticks and stones may break my bones, I'm talking loud not saying much.** _ **"**  
**- **Titanium (feat. Sia), David Guetta****

Gray felt as rough hands pulled him from his cell, he had no idea how long he'd been under this time. The moon was still out, but perhaps it was a different moon. He wasn't sure. It had become a routine of sorts, but without the luxury of knowing the expanse of time which had passed, Gray eventually decided he couldn't really call this hell of his a routine.

Every time they came for him though Gray felt the pit of fear in his stomach deepen.  _I don't know how much longer I can hold on. I need to get out of here!_ Each time they took Gray to that room, it got worse. Both the torture and the voice in his head telling him it would be best to confess everything, to tell them all he knew about E.N.D.. However for every time that voice called, Gray pushed it down further, swapping those thoughts for something much more hopeful.

It was always the same image; that infectious laugh, his wide grin, that mop of soft pink hair and those vibrant green eyes, all pooled together in a bubble of familiar warmth.  _Natsu._  That was why he was staying strong, not just because Natsu was E.N.D., but also as Gray knew if he held on for long enough, he might just get to see him again.

Gray winced as his ankle hit a protruding stone; Giganto never seemed to miss them each time he dragged his prisoner towards the brightly lit room. Cold chains were pulled painfully tight, strapping him to a metal chair.  _Will this be a day where I pass out? Or a day they get bored?_ A sharp back handed slap brought Gray from his thoughts.

"I hope you're ready to talk now," the beefy man snapped, "you've been here three months, most would have cracked by now. So why haven't you?" He sneered

Gray glared, "I'm surprised you're still trying. I won't tell you a thing." His voice was no more than a croaking whisper but Gray tried to make it sound strong.

"You  _will_  tell us!" Giganto spat the words at Gray, "Who is E.N.D.?"

"NO!"

Gray knew it was coming before he felt the lash across his chest. It was new, and compared to everything else he'd endured it was worse. The magical cord burnt his skin, digging deeper and scarring every tenth hit. A hoarse scream of pain left Gray's lips as the whip dug into his skin. It cut across his chest, right from his clavicle on one side down to the ribs on the other side of his torso. As he felt beads of blood forming over where he knew his guild mark to be Gray hissed in anger,  _not there, anywhere but there!_  "You bastard!" Gray panted, "I won't tell you anything!"

"No, we know you will!" Giganto smirked. "No one can hold out like this forever."

"Well you're about to be proved wrong."  _I hope._ Gray could feel sweat mingling with the blood already trickling down the back of his neck as another lash from the whip pulled a strangled yell of pain from his lips.

"Who and where is E.N.D.?" Giganto yelled in the smaller man's face.

"I. Won't. Tell. You." Gray choked on his words as he received a punch in the gut. "Whatever- whatever you do to me still I won't say a word."

There was a moment of silence only broken by Gray's pained panting. Then a smug smile twitched on Giganto's lips as realisation hit him.

"You don't just know who E.N.D. is, you  _know_  E.N.D. personally. More than that, you  _care_." He sneered, "Anyone who doesn't know this demon personally would have cracked by now. No one can endure this much for someone they don't even know."

"I can." Gray growled in response, but on the inside his panic was rising.  _He doesn't believe me, no way. They're going to crank it up now. I know they will._

Giganto shook his head with a disbelieving smirk before turning and stomping from the room. The heavy door slammed behind him with a clunk.

Gray breathed a small sigh of relief. He let his head fall forward so his dark fringe covered his eyes.  _I wonder where Giganto got to?_ The stinging aching pain which radiated throughout his body refused to subside, and once Gray considered this fact, he realised it was getting worse. Not quick enough so it would be easily noticed, but just enough to make him uncomfortable. Gray knew though, to make him uncomfortable wasn't their aim, he couldn't help but fear what was to come. As the slowly radiating heat burned from wherever his skin touched the chains the pain gradually increased. Gray gritted his teeth, his breath coming in shallow pants as the burning sensation spread throughout his body.

After what felt what an age of the gradually increasing burning ache Gray was hit by a bolt of pure magical fire through the taught chains on his arms and legs. Gray threw back his head as an agonised scream was torn from his lungs. The fire didn't burn his skin at all; it burnt within him, torturing his insides with its magical flames. As the pain became almost unbearable and Gray felt he could scream no more it stopped. Gray was only given a moment or two of relief before he was blasted again with that same intense and excruciating heat. His eyes snapped back open as another strangled yell was torn from his lips. The last thing Gray saw before his vision clouded with black and he lost consciousness was the sight of Giganto's dark eyes glinting through the small window in the door.

– o – o – o –

Intense darkness clawed at Gray's senses, it held him ridged with fear.

"Natsu?" Gray called feverishly into the darkness. The name came instinctually to his lips though he wasn't entirely sure why.

"It's alright, Snowflake, I'm here."

Gray felt a jolt of recognition as that familiar voice calmed his panic. Comforting fingers found his, Gray couldn't help the smile which spread his lips. "Why can't I see you?"

"You can. You have the control here."

Moments later a warm light filled the small space. As Gray's eyes adjusted from the pitch darkness they'd been in before he stared around the brick walled room, mouth agape in fear and wonder. To his left stood Natsu, the Pinkett seemed to glow slightly. His warm light radiating outwards lighting up the darkened cell. Gray's happy expression fell as he glanced down to see his own bruised and bleeding body curled up at their feet.

"I'm dreaming, aren't I?"

"If you want to call it that." Natsu replied calmly.

"…but that is the real me?" Gray prompted.

"Uh huh!" Natsu replied in a matter of fact tone. "You look a little worse for wear don't you?" He chuckled.

"Shuddup!" Gray snapped back but couldn't help laughing along with him.

"He wouldn't have wanted you to end up like this." Natsu gestured at Gray's prone body one the ground.

"Aren't you him?" Gray asked hopefully, as if there was a small possibility that Natsu had managed to use magic to get inside his head.

"Sort of…" Natsu gave Gray's hand a light squeeze. "He wants you back, so tell them what they need and they'll let you go. You want to see him again too, I know it."

"If I tell them. They  _will_  go after him." Gray paused for a moment, his eyes pleading with Natsu to understand. "I'll endure it for him."  _For him, anything._

Their attention was then drawn towards the sound of the Gray lying between them beginning to stir. Gray looked up in panic as he heard himself let out a pained groan.

"Looks like my time is up." Natsu whispered unhappily.

"What? No!" Gray cried out, attempting and failing to keep Natsu's fingers linked with his. "Will I see you again?"

"That depends…" Natsu replied with a sad smile as his image faded taking the light with him as he went.

"What? That depends on what?" Gray called out in panic as the darkness closed in around him again.

Natsu didn't reply.

– o – o – o –

Gray bolted awake, still curled up on the floor of his cell. He felt tears on his cheeks.  _Natsu?_  Images flashed back in his mind.  _Was that real?_  Gray shook his head.  _Couldn't be._ He'd heard of mages who'd lost their minds in prisons. They had all claimed that long lost friends had visited them, while in truth they had all been hallucinations.

_So I'm going mad then? Great._

Instinctually Gray reached up to wipe away his tears and found that Giganto or one of his henchmen had finally freed his hands. They still had magic inhibiting cuff strapped tightly on, but now Gray could move. Flexing his fingers he wiped away the dampness on his cheeks before hugging his legs to his chest and burying his face in his knees. Trying to ignore the aching pains in his body Gray tried to fall asleep.

_Natsu. Please come back. Please come back to me. Please._

Gray's sleep was dreamless that night. He woke sometime in the early morning of his own accord to find some dry bread, cheese and an unidentifiable meat arranged neatly on a plate along with a glass of water. Gray frowned,  _no torture today huh?_ He ate slowly, methodically, then took a sip of water. When he was done he pushed the plate out of the cell but kept the half-drunk glass of water. Leaning back against the wall furthest from the cells gate Gray closed his eyes,

What Gray didn't know was that for the next few months he'd experience a very different type of torture. Gray didn't see another living soul until those months were up, the isolation, in fact, would be a much worse hell than anything else he had endured at the hands of his captors.

Days turned to weeks. Gray started to lose all hope of ever leaving his cell again. As those weeks slowly bled into months, he thought it could be possible they'd left him for dead. Eventually – when the possibility of him seeing Natsu and the others again seemed so farfetched – Gray decided that if he couldn't get to them, they'd come to him.

It was his own stubborn force of will and a strong desire to see Natsu again which made him stop eating. Gray knew that his own weakened body would shut down just enough for Natsu to come back to him. He kept drinking water, but in his current state, it didn't take long for Gray to go under. It was a dangerous plan, but he knew that neither Natsu, nor his captors would let him die. The information he held was too important. No matter how broken Gray became, Giganto needed him alive.

– o – o – o –

Gray opened his eyes once again to the intense darkness of what he now knew to be his own consciousness. A smile spread his lips as he felt warm fingers entwined with his own. "It's still so dark?" He whispered.

"You hold the reigns here idiot, remember?" Natsu chuckled.

"Oh, yeah!" Almost instantly a warm glow spread throughout the cell radiating from where Natsu sat next to him leaning against the brick wall.

Natsu flashed Gray his signature grin. "Long time no see…"

Gray couldn't help but roll his eyes. "You have  _no_ idea."


	4. Three - Kakusareta Omoide

**“** _**So many miles between us now, but you are always here with me** _ **.”** **  
**\- Here With Me, Susie Suh****

Gray opened his eyes once again to the intense darkness of what he now knew to be his own consciousness. A smile spread his lips as he felt warm fingers entwined with his own. “It’s still so dark?” He whispered.

“You hold the reigns here idiot, remember?” Natsu chuckled.

“Oh, yeah!” Almost instantly a warm glow spread throughout the cell radiating from where Natsu sat next to him leaning against the brick wall.

Natsu flashed Gray his signature grin. “Long time no see…”

Gray couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “You have _no_ idea.”

Natsu’s wide grin was infectious as he looked over at the triumphant Gray, moments later though Natsu’s expression turned serious, “...but _that_ was, and is an extremely dangerous way to get me here.”

“Nahh,” Gray shrugged, “I’ll be fine.” He cast a glance over at his motionless body, “they aren’t going to let me die, not while I still have the information they want.”

“Who knows if they are even equipped to save you?” Natsu retorted worriedly.

“Natsu. They won’t let me die.” Gray retorted pointedly.

“Suit yourself,” Natsu replied with a frown, “I-”

“Shush!” Gray whispered, “listen…” He stood up and stepped over his body on the ground to reach the bars of his cell’s door.

_“You sure he’s not dead?” A male voice echoed down the corridor._

_“He’s not,” a female voice replied, “you can see his chest moving.”_

_“You hear the boss wants me to use that Kakusareta Omoide spell of mine on the boy?”_

_“Really?” The woman sounded surprised, “He does know that spell can easily backfire doesn’t he?”_

_“He thinks the boy is too weak to fight back so it won’t be a problem. Not after nearly four months of isolation.”_

_“You never know, I still think it’s risky. That damn stubborn kid is the reason we still have absolutely no idea who or where E.N.D. is.”_

_“I see your point.” The man replied. “If he’s alive we still have a chance, but if something goes wrong…and that spell damages his mind, he’s just about as useful to us then as he is dead.”_

At that point they heard the sound of retreating feet as the pair walked away, Gray looked over at Natsu. The pinkett had a strange expression on his face as he gazed up at the taller man, as if he knew what Gray was thinking.

“Gray no!”

Gray was about to respond with why ‘Yes…this is the best plan we’ve got.’ When the voices returned and he heard the jangle of keys. Gray locked eyes with Natsu, “Dammit! I _will_ see you again Natsu.”

“You better!”

With that Natsu faded and Gray’s reality unfolded around him, his hip digging into the cold concrete, tears on his cheeks. Suddenly Gray felt a hard kick in the gut and he choked out a grunt of pain.

“Good.” Gray heard voice of the man from before, “Just checking you’re still alive.”

A groan was pulled from Gray’s lips as he curled in on himself, hoping they’d just leave him alone.

– o – o – o –

A few days after the guild had received the call to say that Gray had turned up, the call that they had all been waiting for came through: Gray was out of his coma. The nurse had told a rather annoyed Natsu that he should wait for them to let him know to leave before traveling out to see Gray so that they could get him into a more stable and healthy condition. After nearly a week and a half of Natsu picking up the Communications Lacrima every time it rang and looking disappointed every time it wasn’t about Gray, the hospital finally called.

“Are you sure you don’t want us to come with you?” Lucy asked hopefully, she had wanted to go too.

They all had, but Natsu had spun some story about how because Gray was so fragile they were only letting one visitor see him. The whole guild knew it was only partially true, but they let the lie slide. Lyon was on a job so he was out of the equation as to who was going to go, and Natsu would have fought him for it anyway.

Natsu nodded, “It’s all my fault. I need to bring him home.”

“You weren’t the only one there that night Natsu. You aren’t the only one who cares,” Erza replied pointedly, “but if you want to go alone we won’t stop you.”

Natsu gave Erza a thankful smile. “I’ll bring him back safe, I promise.”

“We’ll go with you to the station.” Happy piped up.

“…and I’ll do the Troia spell so you don’t get so sick for most of the journey to Gladiolus.” Wendy offered with a smile.

“Thank you!” Natsu grinned and picked up the bag he’d had packed with both his and Gray’s stuff since the first call.

_I’ll see you soon, Gray._

– o – o – o –

“Look here,” the shorter of the two men raised his voice as he tried to reason with his boss. “I know you want to isolate that kid into submission, but I don’t think it will work. It only seems to be driving him mad. He mutters in his sleep.”

The larger man raised a beefy eyebrow.

“I hear it when I bring him his food, something about some girl called Natsu. She’s probably a girlfriend or something, but that doesn’t matter.” He looked up at the big guy in front of him, “You won’t get answers from him this way.”

“I have a plan, I’ve talked about it with Lexer. He said she can perform that Kakusareta Omoide spell on the boy. We’ll get it out of him even if it destroys him.”

“…and what if it destroys him before we get what we need?”

“Then we’ll cast him out and try something else, intelligence said just said this is the easiest way.  He’ll die before he reaches civilisation from here, so we don’t have to worry about him blabbing, and if he does get somewhere, there won’t be much of _him_ left.”

“If you think so Boss,” the shorter man shrugged, “if you’re going to do that you should do it soon, he’s been in isolation for three and a half months, I think he’ll only last a month more at most.”

“Noted.” He replied with a nod.

“I’ll bring him today’s meal.”

It wasn’t long before he rushed back into the room panting heavily, “he looks like he’s died!”

“What?”

“He is totally motionless! Not moving a muscle at all.”

The pair followed their boss from the room and headed towards Gray’s cell to find that indeed, Gray’s pulse was very _very_ slow.

– o – o – o –

 “You know this plan of yours is very stupid?” Natsu stared at Gray incredulously.

“Is that really the first thing you’re going to say to me?” Gray chuckled.

“It is!”

“…but I get to see you again!” Gray protested, _and it’s only the second time I’ve starved myself to see him._

Natsu rolled his eyes. “Even for that, look at yourself Gray. You’re as thin as a rake, you are, if possible, paler than usual and don’t even get me started on your injuries! You could _die_ if you keep this up. Anyway, as stupid as it is, I wasn’t talking about that one.”

“Ohh…”

“You’re really thinking of doing it, aren’t you?”

“As far as exit plans though it’s as good as it’s gonna get. I don’t have the physical strength to break out, so using Kakusareta Omoide to my advantage is the best option we have. My mental strength is what’s kept me alive so far, that, and Natsu, and _you_. I’ve known you too long now to believe my fantasy that you are really him.”

“I see your logic.” Natsu replied with a nod, though he didn’t confirm or deny Gray’s theory. “…but do you really think that they will just let you go once you are no longer useful? They are more likely to kill you then let you go once you’ve served your purpose.”

Gray ran his hands back through his hair, “urghhh! I need to get out! I need to see him again, I need to see all of them.”

“We know the why Gray! What about the how?” Natsu prompted.

“I don’t know!” Gray yelled. He stared at Natsu with a panicked expression.

Natsu waited in silence.

“I. Don’t. Know!” Gray put his hands to his face, the pads of his palms pressing against his eyes. “I don’t know…” his voice was barely a whisper now, “…but I need to get out of here.”

“You do.”

“Natsu! I’m stuck in my own head talking to some crazy part of my consciousness which is masquerading as my best friend. Judging by your choice of Natsu, it seems my mind is the only part of me strong enough to keep me going.” Gray sighed, squeezing his eyes tight before opening them again to look directly at Natsu, “Kakusareta Omoide is the best option we’ve got.”

“I understand that Gray but once you’ve put the first part of your grand plan into action…what then? How will you get out?” Natsu’s green eyes stared intently at Gray. “Once they work out that you’ve tampered with the spell to your own advantage there will be no use for you. After nearly a year of containment and torture, do you really think they’ll just let you go?”

“They will. Killing me won’t serve any purpose apart from them having a body on their hands. It will be easier and cleaner for them to let me go.”

“Fine.”

“Will you help me though? I won’t be able to rework that spell without your help.”

“Of course.”

“Thank you.”

“If you see him again…” Natsu whispered sadly.

“I know.” As Gray glanced up at Natsu a frown creased his dark brows. “You’re crying, Natsu.”

“So are you.”


	5. Four - Room 43

**“ _We're not who we used to be, we're just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me. Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat_.”  
\- Ghosts, Harry Styles**

A low grunt left Gray’s mouth as he spluttered into consciousness. He instantly noticed the intense cold which clung to his skin in the form of icy water. It was a mark of how weak Gray had become that the cold water actually bothered him. Large droplets fell from his nose, chin, and fringe as he blinked up at Giganto. There was a shorter man next to him with gold blond hair who didn’t look much older than Gray himself.

“You aren’t getting out that easily.”

Gray glared unblinkingly at the two men in front of him as the shorter of the two spat the words in his face. He struggled against the chains but it was no use. “They will find me, I promise you.” His voice was hoarse as he licked the water off his cracked lips.

“What? That red head? The blonde?” Giganto smirked, “not even those two Dragon Slayers of yours will be able to sniff you out…and don’t you think that if they _were_ going to find you, they would have done so by now? They’ve obviously given up on you.”

Gray shook his head. _No._

Skinny rolled his eyes, before turning to the larger man, “we may as well get started then, seeing as he’s not as dead as we thought he was.”

Giganto nodded, “Let’s see what almost four months has done to your will.”

_Probably a lot less than you hope._

– o – o – o –

The loud banging on his door woke Natsu from his sleep with a jolt, he slipped from his hammock and creating a flaming right fist, he opened the door with his left. His jaw dropped when he saw who was knocking. “Gray?” He barely breathed out the name.

“Natsu? Is that really you?”

“Yeah, it’s me.” Natsu smiled. “Come in Gray, everything is going to be fine.” Natsu beckoned Gray in but was shocked at what he saw.

Gray reached out a blood covered hand towards Natsu’s face. It was only then that through the gloom Natsu noticed the amount of the thick red substance which covered the majority of Gray’s chest. It dripped thickly onto the carpeted floor. It didn’t seem to stop. As Gray took a step towards him, Natsu could see all the cuts and gashes which marred Gray’s skinny torso. Natsu took a closer look and his eyes grew wide as he noticed you could see straight through each deep gash. A look of terror spread over Natsu’s face as blood to pour from Gray in every place possible as slowly but surely, Gray began to disappear.

“Gray! GRAY!” Natsu called out but he was being dragged backwards through a tight dark tunnel, further and further away from Gray, whose scared expression was all Natsu could now see in the surrounding red tinged darkness. As Gray’s face completely dissolved into the deep sea of red Natsu found it was starting to engulf his face too. His panicked breaths hitched as the thick red substance filled his mouth and nose to the point where he couldn’t breathe. In the last moments before his terror took over, he realised he recognised the metallic taste.

_Blood._

“Gray!” Natsu sat up, panting heavily he brought his hands up to his face and rubbed his eyes to find tears there. He stared around the almost empty train car to see an elderly couple staring at him with a look of pity. _I must have been very loud. It’s been ages since I’ve had a nightmare that bad._

“I’m thankful Wendy performed that Troia spell or I’d have motion sickness to worry about too…” He muttered to himself as he stared out the window, as soon as the thought crossed his mind however Natsu began to feel queasy so he tried to think about something else. It never took long though for the image of the blood soaked Gray to surface again. Eventually his mind travelled to the conversation he’d had on the Communications Lacrima with the nurse.

_“He’s what?”_

_“In a coma.”_

_“How’d you find him?”_

_“We didn’t. Someone brought him to us…but we probably shouldn’t do this over the phone sir.”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“Just trust me on this Mr Dragneel-”_

_“-call me Natsu.”_

_“Natsu, I am sorry to be blunt, but whatever you’ve imagined has happened to your friend, the reality is probably much worse, and something I will not tell you over the phone. I’ve heard stories about you and Gray Fullbuster, and no matter how close you are and what you have endured together you need to hear this in person._ ”

_“I understand, but you must tell me everything you know when I arrive.”_

_“Of course, but prepare yourself for the worst. You aren’t going to like what you hear.”_

_Gray is alive isn’t he? What can be worse than him dying?_

The memory didn’t seem to help.  If anything Natsu’s motion sickness had worsened as he now was doubled over in his seat trying not to bring up his breakfast. By the time the train arrived, Natsu had been sick twice and he was leaning more and more to extending the trip home so they could walk. That was if Gray would even be in any state to walk by then.

When the train finally pulled up at Gladiolus Station Natsu wanted to go straight to find Gray but as he stumbled onto the platform clutching his churning stomach he knew this was not going to happen. He sank onto a bench to wait for the nausea to pass, before walking to the hospital. Even in the day’s heat, that was a lot better than any other mode of transport.

The hospital was cool compared to the intense heat outside, almost instantly Natsu picked out the voice of the woman he had talked to on the lacrima the week before.

“Mr Dragneel?”

“Huh?” Natsu spun round, “how’d you know it was me?”

“Your guild mark, it is how we knew to call Fairy Tail about Gray in the first place.” The brunette was taller than Natsu by a couple of inches and was slender but well built. She had large blue eyes famed by thick black glasses, and her hair was tied back in a loose bun. “Call me Sara,” she offered Natsu a smile.

“Ohhh,” Natsu returned the smile, “I see. Where’s Gray?”

“Come with me, I need to explain some things to you before you see him.”

Natsu nodded before following Sara into a small office and taking the seat in front of the desk, she took the see opposite before giving Natsu a once over. “Are you sure you want to hear this?”

“Of course. I need to know.”

“Just remember, this is what we have interpreted from his injuries, so far Gray has told us nothing other than his name. Maybe you will be able to get more from him?” Sara took a deep breath before starting.

“When Gray stumbled in here he was close to death, it is a miracle he even got here as there was no one with him. He was covered in scars, scratches and gashes most of which had been infected, along with many bruises, and a lot of blood. He collapsed soon after so we kept him under for treatment. He has a couple of broken fingers, a fractured wrist and fractured ribs which we can have healed on their own then been fractured again. As well as being underweight, all this points towards him having being tortured.”

“Torture?” Natsu couldn’t help but gasp.

Sara nodded.

Natsu had told her he’d wanted to know everything, but he didn’t realise it would affect him like it did. He’d subconsciously curled his hands into fists, his knuckles whitening with the pressure. _I will make sure they pay for even touching Gray._ Natsu took a deep breath. “Can I go and see him?”

“Of course, he might be asleep though. So don’t wake him, but you can wait.” Sara replied, “He doesn’t know you’re coming, like you asked. I’ll take you to him now.”

Natsu followed Sara up a flight of stairs and along a corridor lined with numbered doors. They stopped outside door number 43. The tag on the door read ‘Gray Fullbuster’ in capital letters.

“Here he is.” Sara opened the door, “just head back the way we came when you are done and you’ll end up in reception. Come and find me before you leave.” She offered Natsu a smile before she left.

It felt as if his heart was beating in his throat as Natsu stepped through the door and closed it behind him. The pinkett couldn’t help the gasp which left his lips when he saw Gray for the first time in over a year. The Gray lying in that bed though seemed like only a ghost of the one Natsu had known before.

Gray was so much skinnier than Natsu had thought it were possible for him to be, plus his usually pale skin seemed even paler than before and was marred with angry pink scars. The worst, one which cut deeply across the navy blue guild mark on Gray’s chest. As Natsu sank into the seat next to Gray’s still body he gazed, wide eyed at what his friend had become. “I’m so sorry, Gray, this is all my fault.”

Lying in that bed Gray looked so small, so fragile, not like the Gray Natsu had known at all. His anger and frustration burned in his chest, and it hurt. It hurt Natsu more than he thought it would. Seeing Gray so broken was something he never expected to see. _Ever_.

Natsu rubbed his eyes, _must have fallen asleep,_ as judging by the way the shadows fell on the linoleum floor, at least an hour had passed. As soon as his vision cleared Natsu’s gaze fell on Gray, expecting to see him still asleep. Natsu was surprised then to see two dark eyes staring intently back at him.

“Gray!” Natsu cried out happily, a wide grin lit up his face as he stared expectantly at his friend.

“It’s you…”

Natsu frowned at the confused tone of Gray’s words, “yeah…of course it’s me Snowflake!”

“Who on earth is Snowflake?”

Natsu gaped at the man now sitting up in the bed in front of him, “wha- what?” His words came out more of a stutter as Natsu stumbled back out of the chair. “You’re kidding me right?”

Gray shook his head. “I dreamt about you…the man with the pink hair, you can’t be real! Who _are_ you?”

“I- I…” Natsu couldn’t speak as he backed out of the room in panic.

_Over a year of searching. Over a year of waiting. All for this?_

As the door clunked shut behind him Natsu slid down the wall to the ground and pulled his knees to his chest. His pink fringe fell around his face as he rested his head on his knees and the truth of his reality set in.

_He doesn’t know who I am._

Natsu’s head snapped back up, his green eyes were wide and glistening as he tried but failed to calm his ragged breaths.

“Gray doesn’t know who I am.”

 


	6. Five - The Man With the Pink Hair

**“ _I'm starting to cave, I'm losing my flame. I wanted your truth, but I wanted the pain to disappear._ ”  
\- Smoke and Mirrors, Imagine Dragons**

Though Gray’s mind was foggy he still knew he had to get out of the forest. The trees loomed over him cutting out most of the light. There were tears on his cheeks and he had no clue as to why they were there. With every step a jolt of pain ran through his chest right over his ribs.

_Where the hell am I?_

The silence was only broken by Gray’s ragged breaths and the sound of crunching leaves underfoot. His next breath hitched in his throat as he felt his foot catch on a protruding root. Gray crashed heavily to the ground, he felt as a sharpened stick stuck into his side and an involuntary scream of agony was pulled from his lips.

“Dammit!” Gray’s voice came out as a choked whisper, “why am I here? Where are the others?” He pulled himself to his knees before tugging out the sharpened stick. “Where’s Wendy, and Lucy? Erza?” He stumbled back up, his hand clutched at his slowly bleeding wound. “Erza!” Gray yelled out, maybe they were looking for him _Maybe?_

When there was no response, despite knowing that there was no way they could find him there, Gray’s heart sank. His pace was slower now but he kept moving forward. _I need to get out! I need to see them again! Somehow…_ It wasn’t long though before his legs gave way and he collapsed against a tree. With a low moan he tugged off his already torn and tattered shirt and tied it around the deep cut to stop the bleeding. Now bare chested, he tried not to think about how he had got half the scars which now marred his pale skin. He could also easily notice how skinny he had become. _What the hell happened to me? I hope the others are okay!_

Gray tried to stand but the dizziness was overwhelming. “Guys, where the hell are you?” The words tumbled from Gray’s trembling lips. He prided himself in not getting scared, but waking up in the middle of a forest with no knowledge of how he got there, it terrified Gray to the core. Gray also couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something he was missing.

“Hey, Sleepyhead! You have to stay awake! Okay?”

Gray blinked, his mouth opened and closed again as he focused on a pair of bright green eyes shining in the dull light cast through the leafy canopy above. “Thank Mavis! Someone found me!”

“Sort of…”

Gray’s gaze followed stranger as the man bent his knees to kneel in front of him. Now at eye level, Gray could see the stranger had a head of cherry blossom pink hair. Gray swallowed. He also noticed he had a _very_ handsome face, though Gray reasoned this could also be because this was the first person he’d seen this whole time. At this point however, the man’s words sank in and Gray realised the impossibility of the situation. “You aren’t real are you? Whoever you are…”

“Correct.” He grinned, “caught on quickly you have…”

“So I’m dreaming?”

“Not quite, you are awake, but I’m not real.”

“Even better.” Gray’s tone was sarcastic, a groan rumbling in his chest.

“You think?”

The reply was bright, too bright for the situation, Gray decided. He raised an eyebrow, “seriously?”

“If you stay awake, you are more likely stay alive. In my opinion that is, to put it in your rather sarcastic words, a ‘better’ situation.”

Gray shook his head and immediately wished he hadn’t. A dull ache started to creep up the back of his neck, something he was sure was to do with the multitude of injuries he knew he must have. “If you say so.” He groaned, “I know I’m imagining you, either that, or you’re a hallucination, but who are you?”

“Beats me, I’m in your head, so if you don’t know, I don’t know.”

“Damn.”

“You’re right there…” He pushed his pink fringe from his eyes.

“So…erm…can you show me a way out of this place?”

“ _What_ did I just tell you?”

The rhetorical question got on Gray’s nerves and he closed his eyes with a grumble.

When he opened them again, Gray was alone and the darkness which now surrounded him clawed at his skin. It only took a moment but the feeling of his impending dark surroundings brought back flashes of memory. So much pain. So much suffering. Darkness. Oh so dark. Gray’s mind was soon filled with painful memories all coming back to him at once. Then as soon as it had come the onslaught was over. The last image pressed into his mind was of the pinkett, those green eyes were filled with tears. Gray attempted to calm his breathing again while he thought what to do next.

“Awake equals alive.” _That’s what the green eyed stranger said anyway…_ “But since when did you listen to hallucinations?” Gray spoke aloud, though he knew the answer already. _Those green eyes…I know I can trust anyone with eyes like those._

“So, I better stay awake then!” Gray knew it was probably dangerous to try and travel in the darkness with his body in the condition it was in but the stranger’s words echoed in his head again and he slowly put one foot in front of the other and praying for a way out.

Despite his strong determination to live, Gray knew it was only so long before his body would start shutting down again. Part of him, the part which was rather delirious, wonder whether if he passed out would he see the enthusiastic pinkett again. _He did apparently help me through that hell I was in before I ended up here…that is if my memories are anything to go by. I wonder who he is…_ However, Gray knew he wanted to see him again, and maybe doing so would shed some light on who the man in the dream actually was.

As the first morning light started to seep through the thick canopy above Gray stumbled across a stream of running water, it was narrow, but the water looked clean enough. Either way Gray knew he needed to drink something, there was no way around it. _Plus,_ a rather dark thought occurred to him, _I can feel I am pretty close to death anyway, so not to worry…right?_ The cool water soothed his dry throat, making him feel just that little bit better already. He drank slowly so that his deprived body wouldn’t become overwhelmed, and little by little his mind began to clear. _I guess I won’t be seeing Green Eyes then…_

Pulling his tattered shirt from around his waist Gray soaked it in the cool stream of water, almost instantly layers of dirt and blood washed into the water and eventually the shirt was more white than grey. He hung the shirt on a low hanging branch in the hopes it would dry soon enough as the sun came out again. He then proceeded to clean every part of his exposed skin. Gently rubbing dirt from scars and still healing wounds, especially the deep cut in his side. Soon enough he was feeling more _alive_ again.

Gray decided to rest for a while before he would walk downstream to hopefully find a town. He lay on the leafy ground staring up at the thick canopy of leaves above him, hoping to catch a glimpse of the morning sky. Gray knew he should keep going but he wasn’t sure if he would get out of this forest at all, so he wanted to enjoy the moment. His thoughts couldn’t help but wonder about what had got him into this situation in the first place. Though some memories of what had been done to him were back, there was nothing on why, nor who the green eyed man was.

_Maybe he isn’t real at all?_

“I wonder how long I’ve been missing…” Gray murmured, “Are they still looking? Or do they think I’m dead?” He paused, “I wouldn’t blame them if they did…” Gray curled his fingers into a fist and thumped the ground, “why the _hell_ am I here!?”

Eventually Gray became restless and he once more pulled himself to his feel. Tying his shirt back around his wound Gray slowly continued on his journey. He stopped often as he walked to rest his aching legs. At one point he had to sit again, his head spinning, Gray took another sip of water from the stream but it was a while before he was moving again.

A small, triumphant smile cracked his lips as Gray noticed the densely packed trees were starting to thin, and more sunlight shone through to further light up his surroundings. For the first time in so long Gray felt real hope, he knew he would see them again, somehow.

As Gray broke through the tree line he couldn’t help but laugh in surprise and joy. He blinked in the bright sunlight as he gazed around what looked like a kids play park. In his dazed and disorientated state he could see a couple of people pointing in his direction. Then all of a sudden his ears seemed to register hustle and bustle of the busy town. His senses were soon overwhelmed as he lost the bubble of silence he’d been in for days. Then as he stared up at the huge expanse of blue sky it seemed as if the seal on his own little world completely melted away. The sudden onslaught of noise, sights and smells overwhelmed him, bringing on a much deeper form of panic. Gray’s breath’s hitched and as he turned on the spot his vision spun. His knees buckled and he slumped into the soft grass. As the darkness clawed at the edges of his vision again Gray couldn’t help the  wave of fear which washed over him, he knew now, the last time this had happened he had lost his memories. What would he loose this time if not his life?

The last thing he heard through the gaggle of loud voices was an oddly familiar, calming tone. The pink haired stranger.

“It’s okay now, Sleepyhead, everything is going to be alright…I promise.”

– o – o – o –

“I think he’s waking up…”

“You sure? It’s not another false alarm?”

“Yes, look, his eyelids are flickering!”

Slowly but surely large blue, bespectacled eyes came into focus above Gray’s face, almost instantly the close proximity made him panic and he lashed out violently. A yell of fright was torn from his lips as he felt his chest tighten. His breathing became uneven and ragged as Gray gazed wide eyed around the brightly lit room.

“Hey, Sara! Get back, you don’t want to scare the poor boy.” A rough, man’s voice reached Gray’s ears.

“Whe-” Gray’s words were interrupted by a coughing fit, “Where the hell am I?”

“You’re in the hospital,” Sara reached out a hand, “everything is going to be fine.” She spoke slowly and calmly.

The moment Sara’s outstretched hand reached Gray’s vision flashes of memory surfaced. The onslaught of stressful memories were overwhelming. A sharp pain rocketed through Gray’s head and he instinctually brought his hands to his face to protect himself. _Stop!_ _Make it stop!_ “Make it stop!” Gray couldn’t help but cry out, his voice barely a croaking yell. Strong hands tugged his wrists away and more memories flooded his mind , pain, blood, such horrible, horrible things. He couldn’t help but yell out again in panic. “Make them stop!”

“Sara, sedate him!” Gruff Voice muttered urgently.

“No! NO!” Gray yelled, he thrashed against the hands holding him still. “Not the darkness! Not again! Awake keeps me alive! That’s what he told me, awake keeps me alive!” Gray kept repeating those words again, and again until his voice began to slur. Then as Gray’s eyelids slid closed silence settled once more. The pair had no idea what to think.

Over the next few days the doctors and nurses kept Gray in an induced coma to monitor his health and try to heal the multitude of wounds and broken bones the best they could. The next time they woke him they managed to explain what they knew before Gray had another violent panic attack and had to be sedated again. They did however manage to get his name, in addition one of the intern nurses recognised Fairy Tail’s guild mark on Gray’s scarred chest. Thus finally they had someone to call about their mystery patient.

They then had the next couple of weeks to completely nurse Gray back to a semi normal state before his friend arrived to see him. In the process the discovered the extent of the mental damage Gray’s experiences had inflicted on him. Slowly they had managed to coax him into talking to someone about what he remembered, what they found was very little, but it helped Gray’s mental state so they kept on with the sessions. Eventually Gray requested some sketch books and pencils so he could visualise the good memories he had, and keep them for fear of losing them again. He continued to dream of the pinkett and soon enough he had multiple sketch books of those dreams and memories alone. Despite how much he was drawing him though, Gray was in no way close to remembering who the guy was, let alone who he was to him.

Despite the onslaught of different doctors, nurses and psychologists who visited him daily Gray still craved a further form of human connection. He was beginning to wonder if his friends had forgotten him completely. Or maybe something had happened to them in the year he’d been gone and the hospital hadn’t even been able to contact them. _They would tell me though, right?_ The one visitor Gray did get took him completely by surprise, it was more shocking to him than the amount of time which had passed when he had gone missing.

Gray couldn’t help the audible gasp which escaped his lips as he woke one morning to see someone asleep at his bedside. He instantly recognised the mop of spiky pink hair, but there was no way that he could be real. _Right?_ The man sat up, a wide grin lit up his face as he stared at Gray through bright green eyes.

“Gray!”

“It’s you…” Gray trailed off as he stared at the excited man in shock.

“Yeah…of course it’s me Snowflake!”

“Who on earth is Snowflake?” Gray frowned.

“Wha- what? You’re kidding me right?”

Gray shook his head. “I dreamt about you…the man with the pink hair, you can’t be real! Who _are_ you?” Gray watched helplessly as the pinkett stumbled back out of the room. “Please don’t go, please!” Gray called after the pinkett but there was no response.


	7. Six - Locked Box Mind

**“ _And it isn't over unless it is over, I don't wanna wait for that. It's gotta get easier and easier somehow, but not today, not today._ ”  
 - Not Today, Imagine Dragons**

Natsu ran. A panicked, stumbling run which took him down the stairs and out of the hospital. He crashed to his knees on the sloping lawns which surrounded the looming hospital building.

_It couldn’t be true…could it? There is no reality where Gray could actually forget me is there?_

As he calmed his breathing Natsu collected his thoughts. One, much more answerable question came to mind. _What should I do?_ Wiping tears from his eyes he didn’t realise he’d shed, Natsu stood.

“I need to call the guild.”

With a half-hearted smile the pinkett gazed around for the nearest comms-lacrima booth. Spotting one, he pulled some coins from his pocket and sauntered over. It wasn’t until he had the lacrima in his hand that Natsu realised he didn’t know who he wanted to talk to.

Ideally it was the Master, but as far as Natsu knew Master was away on business. Mira would most likely be busy at the bar. Juvia? Juvia was out of the question, she would have a worse reaction than he himself had earlier than morning. Natsu gathered it would be similar with Lucy, but maybe not as extreme. Then finally someone came to mind, Natsu had no idea why he hadn’t decided to call her in the first place.

To Natsu’s surprise, it was Happy who answered the call. “Oh, hey Bud!” Natsu worked to keep his voice steady. “Yeah, Gray’s doing well,” _technically_ _that’s not a lie…_ “is Erza there? Thanks! Bye Happy!” Natsu grinned, “yes, don’t worry, I’ll be home soon.” _I hope…_

There were a few moments silence where Natsu pressed a few more coins into the machine for good measure before he heard a familiar voice on the other end of the line. That was reassuring in itself.

“Natsu? How’s Gray?”

“Gray’s pretty good…considering it looks like he’s been through hell and back. He’s weak and shaken, but he’s alive.”

“That’s great to hear.” Erza paused, “…but there’s something else, isn’t there? I can hear it in your voice Natsu, something isn’t right.”

Natsu had known this was going to happen. Erza would have worked it out either way so he hadn’t even tried to mask his worry like he had with Happy. Though the Exceed knew him well, Natsu knew how to keep a secret from him when he needed to. “Erza he…Gray can’t remember who I am.”

“He what?” Erza gasped.

“He can’t remember me! Gray said he dreamt about me, ‘the man with the pink hair’, but he has no idea who I am.”

“This isn’t good, Natsu.” Despite her words, Erza sounded surprisingly calm. “Does he remember us? Is he even the real Gray?”

“I ran before I could find out, but he is definitely Gray. I know _that_ for sure.” Natsu took a deep breath, “what do you think I should do?”

“You do what any good friend would do in this situation. You talk to him. You said Gray knows you in some respect, find out how much. Let him ask questions as I am sure he will have them.”

“Okay, thank you Erza.” Natsu closed his eyes, _this is going to be one of those easier said than done situations isn’t it?_ He gave a nod, _but it will be worth it._

“I’ll explain to the guild what happened, but give me another call once you know more.”

“Of course.”

– o – o – o –

Erza heard the line click to silence, but the silence which had settled over the guild was deafening. As the redhead turned around she felt all eyes on her. _Oh Gray, what have you gotten yourself into now?_

“That was Natsu, wasn’t it?” Lucy piped up, there was worry in her brown eyes. “Erza what is it? What’s happened to Gray?”

It didn’t take long for Erza to relay what Natsu had said. In all honesty, Natsu hadn’t told her much at all.

“What do you mean he can’t remember Natsu?” Wendy piped up soon after Erza had finished.

“Quite literally I’d imagine,” Levy answered for Erza, “I’ve heard of mages having amnesia after waking up from traumatic circumstances, the mind shuts down and refuses to acknowledge the events which occurred. Any amnesia of that sort would have passed by now so if Gray can’t remember Natsu then there is something else at play here. Losing the memory of a single person is almost unheard of.”

“What do you mean Shorty?” Gajeel frowned.

“You can’t technically ‘lose’ your memory per say, think of it like your mind is a box with a lock and key. You can put stuff in, or use stuff and put it back, but no matter what the stuff is always there. The memory of Natsu will be there, but just for some reason, and I don’t like to think what that reason could be, Gray has locked away all memory of Natsu…”

“…and he can’t find the key.” Lucy finished.

“I’ll go have a look in the library and see if there is anything that I can find,” Levy smiled, “we are going to get to the bottom of this.”

Gajeel followed. _I don’t want her falling off that ladder again._

“We should try and get in contact with Lyon, and Sting and Rogue.” Erza dialled the number for Sabertooth first; it would be a shorter conversation with them.

“Rogue here, from Sabertooth.”

“Hello Rogue, it’s Erza, from Fairy Tail.” Erza waited as she heard what she thought was Sting’s voice and then Rogue called for shush as it was Erza.

“Sorry, our _idiot_ Guild Master has challenged Rufus to an arm wrestle and apparently I need to watch,” Rogue grumbled. “What is it? Do you have news on Gray?” He sounded hopeful now.

Erza explained again the state that Gray was in.

“He’s what!?” Rogue exclaimed. “…but at least he’s alive, right?”

“That is true,” Erza sighed, “Natsu was in a right state before though, I don’t think I’ve ever heard him that stressed.”

“I’ll let the others know, just give us a call if you need anything or if his situation changes.”

“Of course, though I am sure that Natsu will be able to handle him fine.”

“I don’t doubt you there.”

The line went silent and Erza dialled Lamia Scale to have a very concerned Sherry tell her that Lyon was still out on a job but that she would pass on the message when he returned.

As Erza clicked the lacrima back into the cradle she let out a sigh. “Lyon’s still on his job so Gray will have to wait to see him.”

“We should go see him!” Wendy said brightly. “He can have more than one visitor right?”

“Yeah!” Lucy agreed, “I miss him. I bet you do too Erza.”

“That’s not a bad plan, we’d just go for a night or two, but it would be better if just he and Natsu made the trip back home. I am sure they’ll be slow, but it’d be quicker with two.”

Cana set down her wine for a moment staring up at the group; she had felt no need to speak until then. Someone will always ask the question which needed answering. “That is if Gray even feels comfortable traveling home with someone he barely knows.”

– o – o – o –

“Don’t run!” Gray repeated though he knew the strangely familiar pink haired man was long gone. A defeated sigh left his lips. _How is he here? He can’t be real, he just can’t. Not when he was such a vivid part of my dreams._

Moments later Sara entered his room, a frown creased her brows, “Your friend leave then? I thought I’d have to kick him out he was so adamant he see you.”

“My friend?” Gray questioned.

“Yeah, pink hair, green eyes…Natsu.”

“Oh, the man I dreamt about you mean? The one who just left at a run because I had no idea who he was.” The reality of the scene which had just unfolded in his hospital room and Gray’s breaths hitched, his chest rose and fell rapidly as his hands clutched at his sheets. “How can he be real? How? How could I have forgotten him?”

“Gray. Gray, you need to calm down! We will work it out.”

“But how!?” Gray’s dark eyes were wide.

“I’m going to find Natsu, if you’re up to it, do you want to try talking to him again?”

Gray nodded. “Could you pass me my sketch books please?” He’d noticed them on the side board, _I must have fallen asleep with them on my lap again._ _Maybe they’ll help jog my memory this time._

“Of course,” Sara offered Gray a smile as she handed him the thick books. “I’ll be back with him soon.”

– o – o – o –

Natsu knew that the longer he waited to go back up the more stressed he would get about it. He’s been pacing the near empty hospital waiting room for quite a while now and the other people there were beginning to give him funny looks. When he left to walk up to Gray’s room he walked with purpose. _We will work this out Gray. I know we will._ He was walking so quickly that he almost crashed into Sara in the corridor leading up to the private rooms.

“I was just coming to find you!” Sara smiled, “this makes things easier.”

“I panicked, I’m sorry I ran I-” Natsu shook his head, “I- I didn’t know his amnesia would be that bad! Do you have any idea why he’s like this?”

“No, sorry we don’t, and to tell you the truth Natsu, we didn’t know the extent of his amnesia either. Go up and see him, maybe talking to you will jog his memory…”

Natsu gave a nod before continuing up the corridor.

Of all the scenarios which had plagued Natsu’s dreams since Gray had been declared missing, none had even come close to what he was dealing with at that moment as he climbed the long flight of stairs. The thought that Gray couldn’t remember him at all rattled Natsu. More so, the question of whether or not the amnesia had taken Gray’s memories of the whole guild was still to be discovered, and in truth, Natsu only half wanted to know. He brought his scarf up to cover his nose and mouth as he reached the top of the stairs. The material seemed to work like a small damper on his inner turmoil. Natsu paused at the at the entrance to Gray’s room. His hand rested gently against the solid wood, and though his whole being screamed at him to do so, Natsu made no move to open the door.

 


	8. Seven - Painted Memories

**“ _Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones and I will try to fix you_.”  
\- Fix You, Coldplay**

A familiar voice tugged Natsu from his trance, and though it was unmistakably the Ice Mage, it lacked Gray’s usual snark.

“Are you going to stand out there forever?”

Natsu snorted, “course not Snowflake!” The old nickname slipped from his lips as easily as it had over a year ago but almost as soon as Natsu had pushed open the door he knew he had said the wrong thing.

On hearing the nickname and for the second time not recognising it made Gray’s bright expression slip from his face. He instantly tried to cover it up but Gray knew the pink haired man had seen.

“Why not sit down?”

Natsu obliged.

Silence settled again as Gray closed the sketchbook on his lap.

Gray took in every detail of the man sitting before him. The flushed cheeks, the crazy locks of cherry blossom hair, the smattering of freckles on his nose, those bright, hopeful green eyes. Every detail was perfect, yet as to _who_ he was Gray had no clue. The so called ‘hallucination’ hadn’t given him any clues as to who the pinkett was to him. Gray watched as Natsu’s intense green gaze studied him. “Long time no see huh?” Gray broke the silence. “You’re looking at me like you’ve seen a ghost”

“Right back at you.” Natsu chuckled, “You have a similar expression yourself.”

 _Well, I suppose I am seeing a ghost…_ Gray joined in Natsu’s laughter before his chest clenched up. Gray’s eyes widened as he began to cough.

Natsu dived for the water glass which for some reason was just out of Gray’s reach, and held it out for him to take. It shocked Natsu to see how much Gray’s hands shook, even for such a simple task as taking a sip of water.

“I suppose it’s been a while for me…” Gray managed to say once he was breathing smoothly again, “laughing, I mean.”

“For both of us.” Natsu corrected. He then paused, his brows furrowed in thought, wondering if he should carry on. When Gray didn’t say anything, he took it as an invitation to do so. “It’s been just over a year but it feels like so much longer. You were pronounced _dead_ , Gray, not that I believed it, but now that you’re back I’m having trouble accepting reality.”

“Well up until today you were a figment of my imagination, so I guess we’re in the same boat.” Gray frowned, “You’re Natsu, right? You never told me your name before you ran off! Sara had to tell me.”

Natsu tilted his head down and back up in a single nod. He couldn’t keep the defeated tone out of his next words. “You really don’t remember me? Do you?”

“Not as much as you would want.” _Not as much as I would want either…_

Natsu was surprised to see Gray’s downcast expression. “What about the guild?” He waited with baited breath.

“Yeah,” Gray replied slowly, “I do remember them, everyone from the guild. I’m sorry I-” Gray stopped, he knew there was very little he could do to make their situation better.

Natsu’s heart sank. _So why not me?_ “No, it’s not your fault.” _It’s mine._ Natsu hesitated before asking his next question, his breath caught painfully in his throat. “What can you remember from the past year?” It a mere second before Natsu truly realised the severity of what he just asked. He fumbled over his plea for Gray not to answer him if he didn’t feel comfortable doing so, but Gray shook his head with a small smile on his lips.

“To be honest, I remember next to nothing. The last thing I do remember fully is doing that job with the girls and Happy. We’d decided to camp on the way home, but I don’t know why. I do know there was one, we talked about it, but it’s like there’s this smoke screen blocking the memories.

Natsu looked crestfallen. “It must be me…”

“What?”

“I- I was on that job Gray, I’m sorry,” Natsu sighed, “whatever your smoke screen is covering, it must be me, I was the one who suggested we camp and walk back to the guild. This is my fault, all of it! I’m sorry!”

“Na-”

“I’m such an idiot Gray! I didn’t even wake up, I-”

“-NATSU!”

Natsu’s head jerked up. His eyes were wide and he didn’t even realise he was holding his breath until his chest started to tighten.

“Natsu, it’s not your fault! None of it is! I don’t remember much of this past year, but from what little I do remember from the forest, it was you who made sure I stayed awake. That version of you in my mind is the reason I’m here, so that has to count for something right?”

Natsu couldn’t speak. Gray _was_ right, but there was no denying that what had happened to Gray was his fault.

“Anyway, look at the state I’m in? Broken bones, starvation, sleep deprivation, more visible scars than I can count…there’s more on the list, and I don’t remember any of it! Do you really think that the people who did this to me did this for fun? They wanted something. So whoever _they_ are, they would have taken me from wherever I was…none of this was ever your fault!”

Natsu paused, he could feel the heat rising in his chest as Gray’s words sank in. “Whoever ‘they’ are, they’re gonna pay for this!” Natsu thumped his fist onto the bed. “They can’t do this to you and get away unscathed!”

Gray flinched. He watched Natsu with wide eyes as he stared at him with an almost unfathomable expression. There was disbelief mixed through the anger, but also a fierce determination. He didn’t know how to respond so he stayed silent. That was until a question surfaced in his mind. “Can I ask you something?” Gray watched as Natsu took a deep breath as if calming his temper.

“Sure, what is it?” Natsu offered an encouraging smile. Gray seemed to be grappling with his words. “It’s okay,” Natsu said calmly, “try and relax.”

“What was I-“ Gray shook his head, “no…what was he like? With you I mean…”

 _Ohh, anything but that. Not yet._ “I-” Natsu didn’t know where to start, “I’m probably not the best person to ask…”

“I think you would be…”

In truth, Natsu had no idea. Gray’s question was never one he’d pondered much before. He was Gray, and to Natsu, he’d never been anything more than just that. Gray had always been there for him, he backed him up, watched out for him, called him out on his flaws in the best way possible. Natsu had done the same for him.

_We’re friends, right?_

Once they’d put their differences aside, they had always worked together so well, but Natsu knew they had never put a label on their relationship aside from ‘rival’. That was the last thing Natsu wanted to tell him. Especially as Gray’s subconscious had used his face to keep him relatively sane.

_Maybe Gray felt differently about me than I thought? No…he wouldn’t, that’s impossible._

Natsu’s jumble of thoughts came out in one sentence. A sentence he’d much rather hadn’t left his lips at all. “You were an absolute idiot.”

Natsu paled at the silence that settled over the room, _why!?_

“No! _We_ were idiots! When we first met we hated each other. I think you thought I cramped your style.” Natsu chuckled, “but we got over it…we trained together, we fought together. H _ell_ , we fought each other.”

“Then…” Gray whispered incredulously, “then if we don’t like each other that much why are you here?” There was no malice in the question, just curiosity. “I find the rivals’ thing so hard to believe, Natsu, especially considering my brain chose you, you of all people to talk me out of that hell.”

“I’m here, Gray, because despite appearances, you’re my friend, and I care about you.” It felt good to admit it, the word rolled nicely off his tongue. “Yes we fought each other, but it was always for the right reasons, or just as an excuse to show each other we could improve. We’re rivals, but we’re friends. I don’t hate you, there is no way I could ever hate you.”

Gray wasn’t entirely sure what to say, so to be safe he stayed silent. First off Natsu’s words were not what Gray had expected to hear. _We always fought?_ Gray wondered if it would have made more sense to use the image of Lucy or Juvia to keep him grounded, he never fought with them at all, and he was sure Erza would have scared him into staying strong, but Natsu? If they were always bickering then how would he have been of any use? Yet, Gray knew ‘Natsu’ had helped him out of the forest, and had quite possibly got him through the time he was missing.

Gray glanced up. Natsu seemed really nervous, and Gray wasn’t entirely sure why. His fingers were folding and refolding the end of his scarf as he gazed intently at Gray. It was more than that though, to Gray, he looked vulnerable. Gray took a deep breath, “I want to remember you, all of you. Not just the ‘you’ my brain fabricated as a defence mechanism.”

Natsu sighed, “I wish you could too. I also really want to know why.” He offered Gray a determined smile. “I’ll make sure both happen. I promise.”

“Thank you.” Out of habit, Gray shuffled the scattered sketch books on his lap into a neat pile.

“Hey Gray?”

“Yeah?”

“Tell me, this figment of your imagination, this _other_ me, what was he like? It could just help work out how much you do know.”

“To tell you the truth, he was a pain in the ass…”

Natsu couldn’t help but laugh. _Of course he’d remember that._

“…but a helpful one at that.” Gray chuckled, “I don’t remember that much, but what I do know is all in these.” He held out his earliest sketch book.

“In here?” Natsu whispered incredulously as he took the book in his hands.

“Sara suggested I write everything down, so I can get my head straight. As you probably know, I’m not the best with words, so Sara suggested I draw.”

“Draw?” Natsu gasped as the book fell open on his lap. The page had a number of small sketches of the guild hall and it’s interior. On the next page were drawings of various guild members. “I di- I didn’t know you could draw…”

“What they did to my mind left it a mess. I’d missed a year, and what memories I did have were patchy at best. It was all I could do to make sense of them.” Gray started shuffling through the pile again and then hesitated before holding out another sketchbook. “This one is you.”

Natsu raised an eyebrow.

“You were the hardest to make sense of, so you got your own book.”

Natsu opened the book to the first page, those sketches were more rough than the ones in the other book. The earlier drawings had little to no defining details which made the character Natsu, but as he flicked through, they became more defined. There was a whole page devoted to Natsu’s eyes, another to his hair. Natsu couldn’t help but blush. It felt like he was invading Gray’s privacy, as if there was this whole side to Gray that he hadn’t noticed before. The more he pondered this, the stranger it felt. With a smile Natsu closed the book and slipped it back atop the pile on Gray’s lap. The other Natsu kept. “I probably should let you get some rest.”

Gray’s bright expression sunk.

“I’ll be back tomorrow!” Natsu reassured, “but do you mind if I borrow this?” He gently closed the book in his hand.

Gray shook his head. “I’ll see you tomorrow then, Pinky.”

Natsu’s face split into a wide grin. “Definitely.”  He left the room with a small wave of his hand before closing the door behind him with a clunk.

It wasn’t until the door had closed that Gray realised what he’d said. _That nickname rolled off my tongue so easily._ Gray’s lips twitched up in a small smile that reached his dark eyes, a comforting warmth spreading through his chest.


	9. Eight - Unkempt Emotions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Panic attack

**“ _There is a swelling storm, and I’m caught up in the middle of it all, and it takes control of the person that I thought I was, the boy I used to know_.”  
\- Waves, Dean Lewis**

Natsu had spent the night studying Gray’s drawings only to find himself in a very surreal state of mind. So many of their early adventures were mapped out in a mixture of messy sketches and intricately coloured panels. The colour was mainly used on people Gray drew; Erza’s red hair, the blue in Lucy’s clothes and Happy’s fur, or the orange of Loke’s hair.

One particular set of drawings made him sit in shock for quite a while. The pages baffled him, especially one particular scene. Natsu knew the drawings to be from their Galuna Island job. He knew how that trip had panned out, but without him there the images looked strange. On one page Loke carried Gray down the mountain towards the village, Natsu felt as something tugged at his chest. The real scene played over in his head as if to taunt him. Showing him the way _he_ had carried the almost unconscious Gray down the slope and how he’d heard the regretful words Gray had whispered to him through his tears.

Natsu shook his head, trying to clear his mind, but the image of Loke carrying Gray where he should have been still plagued his thoughts. As he turned the page however Natsu realised that Gray must have done more than just forgotten him. It seemed as if each time Gray had done something with him, his mind and replaced Natsu with someone else, or even someone Natsu knew hadn’t even been there at the time. Again something jolted in Natsu’s stomach as he stared at a full page sketch of Loke standing where _he_ had stood to take down Deliora so that Gray wouldn’t use the Iced Shell.

With a frown Natsu slammed the book shut in his lap. His heart was beating fast in his chest as he stared down at the thick sketch book. Gray’s talent amazed him but he honestly didn’t know what to think. Natsu decided to try and ignore the turmoil of emotions he was feeling in the hopes that they were simply brought on by how tired he was. Sliding the sketchbook onto the bedside table Natsu wiped his damp eyes and flicked off the lamp.

_Why am I crying? …again._

The next morning seemed to come quicker than he had wanted it to, but after showering and wandering down the hotel stairs to the extensive buffet Natsu began to feel a little more human. As he was tucking in to his second plate of scrambled eggs a message arrived to say that Erza, Lucy, Cana, Wendy and Loke had left for Gladiolus the night before and would be arriving around lunchtime. Though excitement dominated his next mouthful of eggs, the fact that Loke had come along of his own accord seemed to irk him. Natsu knew Gray and Loke were close, there was no question of that, but Natsu knew that shouldn’t be a problem. There was no need for jealousy, so why was it bubbling in his chest?

Natsu thanked the messenger, and then finished his breakfast before taking the short walk towards the hospital. The nurses in reception let him through without question as he made his way up to Gray’s room with the sketchbook in his arms. When Natsu pushed open the door Gray was sitting up in bed, and it was almost a relief to see that he was shirtless. The relief was short lived however as he saw the nurse redressing the wounds on Gray’s chest. The thought that he knew his friend had not stripped himself of his shirt of his own accord floated uncomfortably to the forefront of his mind. He blinked a couple of times as if to rid himself of the thought before offering the nurse a smile. “Do you mind if I sit?”

“Natsu!” Gray, who’d been so absorbed in the sketchbook which lay open on his lap, hadn’t noticed him come in. “I was wondering when you’d turn up!”  His face split into a wide grin.

“I’m almost done, so don’t worry, I’ll be out of your hair in no time.” The nurse smiled at Natsu, his dark eyes studying him intently before turning back to the wounds on Gray’s chest.

“Matt comes in every morning after breakfast to check up on my wounds and general health.” Gray informed. “I’m surprised he’s not sick of me.”

The dry humour didn’t go amiss. Natsu knew his friend’s sense of humour, and though there was nothing out of the ordinary in his words, Gray’s tone was worrying him. Minutes later Matt finished up. Once the door had clicked shut behind him, silence fell over the room once more.

“It’s good to see you again. It’s quiet here otherwise.”

“I’m sure, though you won’t have to worry about that for much longer Snowflake. The others are coming to see you,” Natsu smiled at the way Gray’s expression lit up his face at the thought of it. “The hotel told me this morning that they should be getting here soon.”

“I look forward to seeing them.” Gray’s smile was wide but soon enough his brows creased into a thoughtful frown. “What did you think of the sketchbook?”

Natsu hesitated. The whirlwind of emotions he’d felt before surfaced but be pushed them down again as he gazed at Gray’s now hopeful expression. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me you could draw?”

Gray chuckled. “You know the answer to that question.”

Natsu sighed, he’d know it was a stupid thing to say as soon as the words had left his lips but there was no taking them back now. “You got me there. I suppose _He_ never told me because it never came up.”

“I know everyone else found out some way or another. Lucy wanted me to illustrate her stories after she found a stack of sketchbooks in my apartment.” Gray didn’t realise his tactlessness until he noticed the hurt look on Natsu’s face.

 _So why didn’t He tell me?_ The question, though a small one, seemed to bother Natsu, and he sat there frowning at Gray until the darker haired man prompted him again.

“So the book, did it give you any clues as to what happened?”

“No,” Natsu replied simply, “but if Erza takes this first one back to the guild when they leave eventually, maybe Levy might be able to figure out something.”

“True,” Gray smiled, “but what did you think? You knew me best Pinky; you’d be able to work out what the hell my brain has done? I mean you _were_ there for most of it, right?”

Gray's cluelessness seemed to be able to get under Natsu's skin in a way that He had never been able to do so. This bothered the Dragon Slayer immensely. _He really has no idea about me, does he?_ It was as if Gray prompting him had set of something in his mind as all the bottled up emotions rose to the surface again, but as Gray’s words echoed in his head, this time there was no keeping them down.

“That’s exactly the problem!” Natsu snapped. “Your brain hasn’t just deleted me it filled in the blanks!”

Natsu fell silent for a moment as Gray gazed up at him in shock.

As he stared back at his dark eyed friend, Natsu now had somewhat of an idea of where the bottled up anger was coming from, but he didn’t know for sure, and it was for that reason he couldn’t seem to control the turmoil of emotions. Though they _were_ Gray’s eyes which gazed at him, they really weren’t. This was Gray, but it wasn’t _his_ Gray. To see his friend study him as if he were assessing a stranger in the street, it was more than Natsu could handle. Gray’s dark eyes seemed to look without really seeing him. It hurt more than Natsu felt it should.

“Wha…”

It was as if Gray’s confusion fuelled Natsu’s frustration. _Why is he like this!?_ “Well, what do you think it is Ice-Cube? Can’t be _that_ difficult to work out…” Natsu paled at the hurt look on Gray’s face, but the words tumbled out without him really wanting them to and once they’d started spilling out there was no stopping them. “You disappear on one of our jobs and I look for you for well over a year before finding anything. A _year_!”

All the anger, pain and frustration Natsu had felt over the past year was starting to bubble over as he stared at his friend. It all spilled out into the air in the form of sloppy, incoherent sentences. Making him say things Natsu knew deep down he’d regret. “…but this is what I get.” Natsu gestured to Gray’s skinny, scarred body clearly outlined by the thin blankets.

“Natsu I-”

“-don’t _Natsu_ me.” As he stood he pushed back his chair it made a violent scratching sound on the linoleum floor which made Gray flinch. “You’re the one who forgot me! Remember?” Natsu’s eyes were wild, his brows creased in an angry grimace. “How could you do that? We’ve spent most of our lives together, there is no way you could have forgotten me! Yes, we are rivals, Gray, but even _you_ wouldn’t have gone as far as to forget my entire existence just to piss me off!”

“Natsu please!” Gray’s voice shook as he stared fearfully at Natsu. His knuckles were white as he clutched tightly at his bed sheets.

“You remember everyone else though! Of course you do _Gray_!” Natsu spat the name out. “I did so much to try and get you back, but when I do see you again you aren’t even all here.” Natsu took a step closer so that he towered over Gray. “Where the hell have you put me? Tell me, Gray! Where?” Tears of frustration welled up in Natsu’s eyes. “Please Gray…I know I must be in there somewhere, not the imagined me, the _real_ me. Where the hell are you hiding me? Tell me!”

Natsu’s yell of frustration sent Gray’s mind into overdrive. As his own screams filled his ears Gray watched as Natsu stumbled back with his hands over his mouth. The room felt as if it were shrinking around him, before all of a sudden he felt large rough hands on his throat. Gray choked on his pleas for help. As he opened his eyes again in panic Gray saw a beefy faced man with tiny dark eyes and a murderous expression on his face.

“Tell me, Fullbuster!” Giganto spat the words in his face as they let go of Gray’s neck.

As Gray blinked again it was as if he was floating above the scene. He watched as the skinny, dark haired man gasped and coughed as he tried to get the air back into his lungs.

“I told you, I won’t tell you who or where he is!”

“You will eventually, it’s been nearly a year. Your friends will have given up looking for you by now. There is no point in holding on to the information for much longer.”

“I won’t,” the man groaned. “There is still no way I will tell you anything!”

“Fine then. You asked for it. We have a spell which will get what we need from you whether you’re willing or not. Only time will tell what state you’ll be in after having that done to you. I wouldn’t want to stick around to find out.”

“Fuck you.”

Gray watched as he was given an uppercut punch to the jaw, and moments later the darkness stole him away again. It enclosed him, almost choking him. Then as quickly as the darkness had engulfed him, Gray felt gentle hands on his shoulders, and a familiar male voice cut through the screams.

It was then, and only then, that Gray realised the screams were his own.

Past the orange haired blur which hovered in front of him Gray could see Natsu. He hadn’t seemed to have moved since Gray had backed out, and his hands were now pulling on his thick pink hair. Natsu’s green eyes were wide and looked to be filled with tears. Even through his ragged breathing Gray could hear Natsu whispering to himself. The words were unmistakable as he repeated them again and again in an agonised mantra.

“What have I done?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I was a little hesitant about posting this chapter, because of Natsu's characterisation, so if you have any feedback on the events or how I wrote them that would be great! :)


	10. Nine - Repercussions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo! It's the start of the mid year break from uni which means as well as a rather ruined sleeping pattern, we also get regular fic updates !! I'll try to post on the Saturday night of each fortnight :)
> 
> Enjoy!

**“ _Nobody said it was easy_** **_, no one ever said it would be this hard. Oh take me back to the start._ ** **”  
\- The Scientist, Coldplay**

“C’mon!” Cana led the way from the train station in Gladiolus and followed the signs to the hospital with Lucy, Erza, Wendy and Loke in tow. “We are going to the hospital first.”

“No question!” Lucy’s smile was wide as she followed the brunette up the side street.

“Do you know where you’re going?” Wendy asked quietly.

“Of course!” Cana snorted.

The group continued in silence as they neared the hospital. The large, dull red brick building sat at the top of a hill with a surprising amount of sloping green lawns surrounding it. They made their way up the path and entered reception through a pair of double glass doors. Erza took the lead as she strode up to the front desk. “We’re here to see Gray Fullbuster!” She offered a smile.

 _Erza_. Lucy stepped up to the desk, “please, what room is he in?”

“Oh, you must be Fairy Tail!” The kind eyed man behind the desk smiled, “your pink haired friend, Natsu, he’s already there, but I’m sure Gray won’t mind if you go up too. He’s in private room 43, just up the stairs to my right. I’m sure Natsu let you know about his condition?”

“Yeah, he filled us in,” Loke looked uncharacteristically serious, “is there anything you can do for his memory?”

“At this point we’re still running tests but we are doing all we can.”

“Thank you.” Cana smiled before pulling Wendy in the direction the receptionist had pointed. The others followed.

As they reached the top of the stairs they heard a familiar raised voice.

“Is that…” Lucy trailed off.

“Yeah, that sounds like Natsu,” Erza frowned and started forward at a run but before she’d made any headway an orange haired blur flashed past.

Loke rushed to the door having sensed the stress and panic radiating from the room from the bottom of the stairs. His sensitive ears had picked up Natsu’s words and he knew what was coming next wouldn’t be good. As he skidded into the room, Loke was shocked at the scene he saw before him. He had never seen his friend in such a state, and he never wanted to again.

Gray was sitting up in his bed with his knees pulled to his chest. Pale, bony hands clutched at his face as loud sobs shook his body. It was a horrifying image, and something Loke knew he’d never forget. He dashed forward to gently wrap his hands around Gray’s wrists to try and pull them back from his face. “Gray.” Loke called out calmly.

“I won’t tell you! I won’t tell you anything!”

“Gray! Gray it’s alright…” Loke repeated, “you need to try and calm down!”

“I won’t tell you! I won’t, I won’t, I-” Gray choked out a shaking sob as he blinked at Loke through his tears.

“Gray, it’s Loke, everything is going to be fine.”

“Loke?” Gray sniffed.

It was as if Gray had only just recognised him. The relief was evident in his dark eyes as he stared at the Celestial Spirit. As Gray wiped the tears from his cheeks it was as if his mind cleared. He blinked a couple of times before his eyes widened and he glanced quickly around the room.

“A sketchbook.” Gray stated weakly, his voice still shook but it wasn’t hard to tell Gray was trying to hide it. “A blank sketchbook! Please…and a pencil.” _That was a new one…_

Cana was quick to the task. Putting an open sketchbook on Gray’s lap along with a pencil, she stood back next to Loke who was watching Gray intently for any other signs of distress. Why Gray needed to draw something in that moment was nearly as baffling to Cana as Natsu’s outburst had been. As she watched Gray work, Cana couldn’t help but let her mind wander to the Dragon Slayer in question. Erza and Lucy had dragged Natsu outside into the hall the moment they had arrived at the room.

Outside in the hall, Erza was glaring at Natsu with a mixture of confusion and disappointment. _What has gotten into him? He spent all this time looking for Gray but now he just yells at him…why?_

Feeling disgusted with himself, Natsu avoided Erza’s scrutinising gaze. _What have I done?_

“Come with me.” Erza growled. Grabbing Natsu’s hand arm stormed back down the stairs towards reception. “I need a drink, and you need to talk!”

“Oh.” Natsu glanced back at the closed door of Gray’s room. With his previous anger only just ebbing away, Natsu’s heart sank as he realised the severity of how he’d treated his friend. _I screwed up!_

The pair passed Lucy and Sara coming the other way on the stairs. Natsu cast his eyes to the ground, as if trying to concentrate not falling down the stairs as Erza tugged him along. They reached the café minutes later. It wasn’t until she was sat down across from Natsu with a strong coffee that Erza spoke. She didn’t even try to keep the hurt confusion from her tone.

“Natsu!” Erza barked, “could you _please_ explain to me what on Earthland all that was about?”

“I-” Natsu studied the coffee mug stains on the table in front of them. “I don- I…I panicked. Got so angry at him. Don’t know why.” Shallow breaths filled the silence.

“You panicked. _You_ panicked?” Erza looked flabbergasted, “Natsu, Gray came out of a coma just over a week ago. His memory has been tampered with. If anything, _Gray_ should be the one panicking.”

Natsu stayed silent. He couldn’t keep the tears from his eyes as he finally looked up at the redhead.

“What’s the book?” Erza’s curiosity got the better of her, but she wasn’t finished with Natsu quite yet.

It wasn’t until Erza had asked though that Natsu realised he was hugging Gray’s sketchbook to his chest. Painfully so. He extracted the book from his closed arms and handed it to Erza. “It’s Gray’s sketchbook. He gave it to me to look at yesterday.” Natsu sniffed, “Drawing seems helps him to sort out the mess of memories in his head…but they’re all wrong.”

“What do y- ohh…” Erza trailed off as she realised the problem. There was no sign of Natsu anywhere. It looked strange. The book was open on a page filled with large sketches of the Grand Magic Games teams. Team B: Gajeel, Laxus, Mirajane, Juvia, and ‘Mystogan’, and then on the next page, Team A: Erza, Gray, Lucy, Elfman, and Wendy. Gray had sketched the combined team on the next double page: Erza, Gray, Gajeel, Wendy, and Laxus, along with what was supposed to be the fight between Sting and Rogue, and Natsu and Gajeel. Instead of Natsu though, Wendy was by Gajeel’s side. Without the pink haired Dragon Slayer the image looked strange, and for Natsu, Erza could see how much that would have hurt.

Erza could now see what had got her friend into such a state. From Natsu’s bottled up emotions which had come out in bursts over the past year, right up until they’d found out Gray was alive, anything left had all come out in that moment. All the anger and frustration had finally come out in full, and though it would have had to come out eventually, it definitely wasn’t the best time, for either of them. So though there was no way that Erza could blame Natsu for the reason for his outburst, what it had done to Gray… _that,_ Natsu could answer for.

“You really didn’t think did you?”

Natsu shook his head. Gray’s fearful expression flashed up in his mind as he cast his eyes back to the table. “I couldn’t help it. I did so much to try and get him back, Erza,” he wiped the tears of frustration from his cheeks with a free hand, “the fact that he can’t even remember me is something I’m struggling with.”

“Of course you are, Natsu, but do you really think it was the best idea for you to lose it like that in front of the already traumatised Gray?”

Natsu’s silence was enough to answer that question.

“Have you stopped to think why it is only you he’s forgotten?” Erza prompted, she didn’t want Natsu getting emotional again, she was sure there would be a lot more of that to come. “There has to be a reason, or he would have lost his memory altogether, and forgotten us too.”

“You’re right.” Natsu paused, “there has to be a logical explanation. Once we’ve worked that out, and the how it happened, then we can try and fix it.”

 _If that’s even possible…_ Erza smiled at Natsu’s sudden optimism, but her gut feeling was telling her there was so much more to Gray’s memory loss than what would be just an ‘easy fix’. It was highly possible that the road ahead was so much rougher than the year they’d just had.

Natsu shut the sketchbook and slid it back across the table. Absentmindedly hugging the thick book to his chest again, he offered Erza a hopeful smile. “I want to see him, _please_ …”

– o – o – o –

Cana watched in silent awe as Gray’s still shaking hand moved deftly over the page before him. She’d seen a number of Gray’s sketches and paintings but she had never actually seen him working on anything. It was mesmerising. Cana moved to the opposite side of the bed from Loke so she could get a better view of the page. She wasn’t surprised that the image didn’t make much sense to her at that point.

Three pairs of eyes glanced up as the door banged open again. Loke tensed, ready in case it was Natsu who stormed back in. He relaxed, however, when he saw Lucy enter along with an unfamiliar brunette. Almost instantly Gray turned back to his sketch. Apart from a small smile, he nearly ignored the two women altogether.

“What happened?” Sara directed the question at Loke but it was Gray who spoke.

“I think you should see this.” His voice wavered as he spoke as if he was still reliving the memory he’d just drawn. Gray had no intention of explaining Natsu’s outburst quite yet, he was hoping to prolong that conversation as long as possible, for Natsu’s sake. Though his words had hurt and scared him, Gray knew that Natsu had his reasons for the outburst. It was those reasons which made forgiving Natsu and forgetting the incident a much more attractive option, along with the fact that Natsu’s words had brought on a flashback which could possibly be useful. “I saw something.” Gray continued, “Something new. It felt different to the other memories.”

Sara started to check Gray’s vitals as he spoke.

“How do you mean, _different_?” Loke frowned.

“Just different. Everything else that I’ve, well…dreamt, I’ve felt like I was an outsider. Like a normal dream, you know? Watching everything but not having control. With those it’s hard to know what’s real…”

“So that’s why you drew it all? So you could, hopefully, later check with us what was real.” Cana thought aloud.

Gray nodded slowly before continuing. “…this time though, I wasn’t just watching, I was _there_ as well. I felt it all. All _His_ pain, His fear, His anger. He felt so cold, so _scared_. There’s something else too though, I can’t work it out.”

Lucy’s eyes widened, “did you recognise anything? Anything at all?”

“You probably shouldn’t…” Sara started but she was soon interrupted.

“No, I’m fine.” Gray lied, he was definitely not fine, far from it, but he still hadn’t explained everything. “I didn’t recognise the place at all, but it looked something like this.” Gray turned the sketchbook around on his lap so it was easier for the group to see.

Lucy couldn’t help but gasp when she saw what Gray had drawn.

The rough sketch showed a skinny, dark haired figure which was obviously Gray, sitting chained to a chair in the centre of what looked like a small stone room. Below this Gray had drawn an aggressive looking face with dark, beady eyes which looked far too small in proportion to the massive, crooked nose, and beefy lips. The drawing was captioned, ‘Giganto’.

“ _This_ is what you saw.” Cana gazed wide eyed at Gray. It was a statement, not a question. _What they must have put him through_ … _I dread to think._

“He must have nicknamed him Giganto, the man had no other name.” Gray worked hard to keep his voice calm. “He wanted something from Him. Some sort of information. I can’t remember the question, but…but I know that He refused to say anything.” Gray sighed, “Most of the memory has faded already. All I can see now is that awful, sneering face.”

Lucy couldn’t stop the tears which now rolled down her cheeks. “What they did to you Gray, it’s horrible!” She could see it in the still sickly pallor of Gray’s skin, in the scars which marred her friend’s arms and the skin around bandaged chest. The dark shadows under his eyes still hadn’t faded and it scared her. _Nightmares_.

Cana moved to put an arm around Lucy’s shoulders and guided her to the seat by Gray’s bed. Satisfied with Gray’s immediate health for the time being, Sara slipped to the side of the room and sat in a vacant chair. She knew she’d have to get them all out eventually, though happy with how Gray was in that moment, he needed rest.

Startled by Lucy’s sudden burst of emotion it took Gray a moment to know what to do. With a small smile, Gray took her hand in his own. “I’m here now though, I’m safe.” _Safe._ It was the first time he’d used the word in such a long time, though he remembered dream Natsu saying it as they reached the edge of the forest when they’d first escaped. _Natsu. Safe._ _Natsu._

Lucy chuckled through her tears, “I’m sorry, I’m being so silly.” She gave Gray’s hand a gentle squeeze. “I’m just so happy to have you back Gray, that’s all.”

“Trust me, I’m happy to be back too, and thank you for being here. Natsu needs you just as much as I do right now.” Gray offered the group a wide smile as he shut the sketchbook on his lap with a soft thump. He paused for a moment before continuing, “I want to see him, _please_ …”

 


	11. Ten - Him vs Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really loved writing this chapter, other than that I don’t really have much to say but thank you so so much for all your comments and support! :)
> 
> Enjoy!

**“ _When, your house, begins to rust, oh it’s just, metal and dust_.”  
\- Metal and Dust, London Grammar**

“No”

“No!?” The group chorused back. All eyes were on Sara now.

“What do you mean no?” Gray looked at Sara pleadingly. “I’m fine!” Though Natsu had yelled, and he’d said things which hurt him, Gray still wanted to talk to him. He wanted to understand why Natsu had become so emotional like that.

“You’re stressed, Gray, whatever Natsu said to you has affected you much more than you’re letting on. I’ve been treating you for quite a while now. I know when you are trying to not show how much pain you are in or stress you are under.” All eyes turned back to Gray as Sara continued, “You are most definitely not fine.”

“ _I_ don’t care though!” Gray cut in stubbornly, “I need to talk to him!”

“You should care, Gray,” Lucy gave his hand a squeeze, “because _we_ care, whatever you need to say to Natsu, I’m sure it can wait…right?” The blonde had dried her tears and was now staring at Gray with a caring determination, and something which could only be described as pity.

Gray looked like he was about to protest, but Loke got there first.

“Gray, you’re as white as a sheet, your hands are shaking, and I don’t know whether you’ve noticed,” Loke paused, “but the room is freezing”

“It’s gradually been getting colder since we got here, but my guess is that Natsu’s outburst made you react instinctually.” Cana added.

“Huh?” Gray frowned, “I noticed the cold, but I thought it was just the hospitals air con, it’s been fluctuating from cold to freezing in here a lot lately.”

 _Wait, he noticed?_ Lucy withheld her gasp of shock, _Gray doesn’t get cold…_ “What do you-”

“-Don’t worry about it!” Cana forced a smile, “you just get some sleep, okay?” She was glad that Lucy kept quiet after that. They didn’t need Gray to worry about anything else quite yet. The problem of Gray’s magic wasn’t even one that they had considered. After not having used it for a year, losing his body strength and coordination, and on top of that the amnesia, Cana wasn’t sure Gray would still be able to use his maker magic at all. This was a problem they would have to deal with eventually, but with everything else that was wrong with her friend, she thought they shouldn’t add to Gray’s worry list until they had to.

Gray looked like he was about to protest again but as he shifted his gaze to his still quivering hands, he thought better of it. “Fine, but I can see you all later right?” _…with Erza, and Natsu._

“Judging by how late it has got it will have to be tomorrow.” Sara answered, giving Gray an apologetic smile.

In an effort to definitely get an early visit the next day, Gray returned the smile. It wasn’t missed by the others though that the half-hearted smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Don’t worry Gray, we’ll be back soon!” Lucy leaned in to give Gray a gentle hug, “it’s so good to see you again.” Then with a smile and a wave, she followed Cana and Sara out of the room.

Loke however, didn’t follow suit. He paused for a moment before glancing back at Gray. Then offering his friend a warm smile, Loke spoke. “Don’t worry Gray. We’ll get things back to normal soon.”

Gray watched as Loke left, a slightly forlorn expression on his face. _Don’t worry…don’t worry!?_ How could he not? Gray waited until his friend’s quick footsteps had faded before flopping back onto the bed. Letting out the breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, Gray closed his eyes. The silence seemed to help calm him as he tried to steady his breaths, but that didn’t stop a pressing question from surfacing.

“…but what is normal?”

Though the words themselves came out as barely a murmur, the question blared in Gray’s mind, occupying his thoughts. As the word ‘normal’ left his lips, Gray’s voice cracked, and though he tried to stop them, tears of frustration welled up in his eyes. _Dammit!_ Gray thumped his clenched fist onto the bed, but he knew it didn’t have the same power it should have.

“You would know what to do. Wouldn’t you?” He couldn’t keep the bitterness from his tone. “The elusive _Gray_ , the Gray that Natsu knew, he would be calm and collected. _He_ would be able to fix this.” _…because_ , Gray thought, _He would have been different._ He must’ve been, or Natsu wouldn’t have reacted like that.

_So much anger. So much pain._

Gray sighed. “There is no other way to see it. _Him_ and _me_ , we’re completely different people.”

_Him._

Deep down Gray knew there was something extreme about the way he was thinking. A part of him wondered whether his rationality had come from the need to counter what Gray guessed was Natsu’s impulsive and more raucous nature. Hence his current lack of such level headed thoughts regarding his former ‘self’.

_Natsu._

That whirlwind of emotion had left Gray questioning everything. He had been certain that there must be a reasonable explanation for his loss of memory, but now Gray wasn’t so sure. As the pinkett had so bluntly pointed out, it was only him that Gray had forgotten. Everyone else he remembered, Erza, Lucy, Cana, Loke, and even Lyon, whom he hadn’t seen in over a year. Tears leaked from Gray’s eyes as he squeezed them shut. It had been so long since he’d seen his adoptive brother, yet the mental image he had of him was so clear. Though when it came to Natsu, and even himself, there was next to nothing there at all. It was then that a rather contradicting thought came to mind.

_He must have meant a lot to me…_

That was something Gray did know. Since Natsu had stormed in and triggered the memory that is. Even though He had forgotten him, and only him, there _must_ have been a good reason for it. There had to be. To find that reason, Gray turned to the memory. _He_ had been protecting something, or someone, refusing to give up information. Maybe it was to do with Natsu, maybe it wasn’t, but Gray had a feeling that if the former were true, _that_ was the reason there was no memory of Natsu anywhere in his mind. And so, also the reason the pinkett was the one He had imagined in the forest. _Maybe it was_ _His brain’s wild attempt to remind him, no,_ Gray thought, _to protect him._ Without that pseudo Natsu His mind had created, Gray wasn’t so sure He would have made it out so soon, or even at all.

Gray contemplated this revelation.

If it were true that He had been protecting Natsu, then there had to be a reason. As to what that reason was, Gray had no clue; he didn’t even know where to start. The one thing he did know, though, was that the only way so far which had allowed him to delve into his lost memories was Natsu’s desperate outburst. So _that_ , Gray reasoned, was where he needed to start. He thought back to what Natsu had said. So much of it had just been verbalised pain and frustration, words which had unintentionally hurt Gray, but he knew that there was something Natsu had said which had triggered the breakdown. Gray knew it probably wasn’t the best idea for him to try and delve into His memories again, he knew had to try. If not for his own sake, then for Natsu’s.

_What were You trying to keep from them?_

So with that last question in mind, Gray finally let himself drift into an uneasy and somewhat restless sleep. All the while repeating Natsu’s last words in his head.

_Tell me. Tell me. Tell me!_

When Gray opened his eyes again, he was confronted with a very familiar scream of pain. As the scene played out before his eyes, Gray felt sick to his stomach. He couldn’t tear his eyes away as lash after lash came down on the skinny ravenett’s chest and blood began to seep through the skin. He watched as Gray refused to tell Giganto the information they needed and only got pain for his trouble. Not only that though, Gray could feel everything. From the determination, to the agony. This time Gray let it all in, if only to remember more, and be awake to do so. It didn’t seem to stop, the constant onslaught of torture, each blow struck deeper than the last. Over and over again until it wasn’t just the Gray in the memory who was screaming in pain.

Then suddenly, it all stopped.

“You don’t just know who E.N.D. is, you _know_ E.N.D. personally. More than that, you care.”

Moments later an intense burning pain flowed throughout Gray’s body. Buried deeper than that, though, was a feeling which Gray could only describe as pure panic. He knew He couldn’t hold on much longer.

Finally, as Gray woke up to the sound of his own screams, he could feel his panic bleeding through his fear. Tears were hot on his cheeks as Gray felt firm but gentle hands on his shoulders, and a frantic but somewhat calming voice cut through his yells. This didn’t stop the worrying thought that He hadn’t been able to hold his own.

_What if I told them what they needed to know? What if- no, no…I think I did actually give in…_

– o – o – o –

It didn’t take long for the group to find Erza and Natsu. Almost as soon as he noticed the pair, oblivious to Lucy’s protests, Loke stormed forward to take a rough hold of Natsu’s scarf. “What the hell was all _that_ about, Natsu?”

The Spirit’s loud voice made Natsu jump, but he made no move to stop his friend as he pulled his fist back. Natsu knew he deserved it, but was surprised when the fist didn’t meet his face. Loke paused right before making contact, he could see the puffiness around Natsu’s eyes, and the look of self-disgust on his face. Instead, Loke tugged Natsu up from his seat and pulled him into a hug.

Lucy stared at the pair with wide eyes. Back at the guild, she had never really seen Natsu and Loke interacting that closely, not like Gray and Loke had anyway, so the actions of the Spirit surprised her.

“I’m sorry, Natsu…” Loke left it there. He needn’t say more, the Dragon Slayer understood.

Natsu looked over at Sara, “How _is_ Gray?”

“He’ll be fine.” Sara answered with a smile, but she regarded Natsu warily.

“That’s good to hear,” Erza replied, “I was worried, I’ve never seen him like that before.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised, when the young couple brought him in, I- I was surprised he was alive at all. You are all very lucky.”

“Yeah,” Cana offered a thankful smile, “we are.”

“There is something I wanted to talk to you all about.”

“Huh?”

All eyes were on Sara now.

“Concerning Gray, though there is still a long road of recovery for him, he is still a lot better now than he was. The problem is though, that there is little more that _we_ , as a hospital, can do for him. While his physical condition is still slowly improving, Gray’s mind is still fragile, and needs to be gently fixed. There is no telling what the rapid return of his memories would do.”

“What are you trying to say?” Cana asked steadily.

“Basically, we are not equipped to deal with such a case of mental damage, the physical, yes, but we feel there is a much deeper reason for Gray’s _specific_ loss. Something which we cannot hope to do anything for ourselves.” Sara gazed at the group apologetically. “Within a couple of days Gray should be healthy enough to travel. I can recommend some magical healer who might be able to help but there are no guarantees. I do warn you though, bringing back Gray’s memory may do more harm than good. With something so specific, there has to be a reason, and as with all memory loss, that reason is never good.”

Silence settled over the group as they thought on Sara’s words. It was Erza who finally spoke up, “Fairy Tail has a very skilled medical contact, so there’s no need to worry about that. Thank you so much for everything you’ve done for him.”

“It’s been our pleasure.” Sara smiled wistfully, “I’m sure Gray will be happy to be able to go home finally. Also, please, give me updates on his improvement when you can.”

“Of course!” Lucy smiled, “we really are so lucky he was brought here.” Though Lucy knew any hospital would have done their best with the situation, she could tell the young nurse had taken extra care with Gray. She was thankful for it.

Surprisingly, Natsu had stayed quiet throughout the whole conversation. The thought that bringing back Gray’s memories of him could do more harm than good was something that hadn’t really shocked him, but it didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. This worry was driven from his mind however by the more hopeful thought of Gray coming home. His mouth was slightly agape as Sara’s words echoed in his head. _Home…_ “Gray can come home?”

 


	12. Eleven - The Sense in the Nonsense

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! New chapter, I realised it was just mean to leave you all hanging like that, especially when I've had the time to write this week :) I had this conversation planned entirely very early on, but as per usual it got away from me. So here we are :)
> 
> Enjoy!

**“ _It’s always darkest before the dawn._ ”  
\- Shake it Out, Florence + the Machine**

The next morning at Gladiolus Station a white haired ice mage stretched, swung his bag onto his shoulder, and stepped onto the station’s platform. Lyon had taken the next overnight train to Gladiolus soon after Sherry had relayed Erza’s message. He cursed that he had been on a job at the time that Gray had actually been found as he wanted to have been there from the beginning. However the fact that Gray had turned up in near to one piece was enough to make up for this. Lyon was excited to see Gray again, but he was also nervous. Though Sherry had repeated exactly what Erza had told her, Lyon didn’t really know what to expect. This was a situation he had never imagined he’d be in, let alone with Gray at its centre.

There had been so many times now where Lyon had thought he’d lost Gray. Those seven years when half of Fairy Tail had been on Tenrou Island, Lyon had tried everything to find them, and had never given up. He still remembered the moment with the Dragonlings after the Grand Magic Games where Gray had died right before his eyes. Lyon had never really forgotten that pain. Even on Galuna Island, when he’d realised what Gray was going to do to seal Deliora away again. Deep beneath Lyon’s bubbling rage and frustration, there had been an ebbing sense of fear. That corroding fear of loss, but each time Gray had come back, and all had been right again.

This time was different though.

Yes, Gray _was_ back, but not all of him. The selfish part of Lyon was glad that Gray did remember him, but he didn’t want to think about how Natsu would be feeling. Though they had never really been close, Lyon did respect the Dragon Slayer. For all that time Lyon had lost with his adoptive brother, Natsu had filled that gap as a friend. Lyon was thankful for that. Albeit a little jealous.

Neither the steep walk up to the hospital, nor the bubble of anticipation which had settled in Lyon’s stomach managed to completely deter his excitement. _I’m going to see Gray! Gray is alive!_ Lyon couldn’t help the smile on his face as he finally stepped through the sliding glass doors of the hospital. Having taken an overnight train, Lyon had the feeling that he might be there a bit early. If the need arose however, Lyon was happy to wait. He strode up to the counter to talk to a young bespectacled brunette.

“Hello, I’m here to see Gray.” Lyon smiled, “Gray Fullbuster, I’m his brother, Lyon.”

“Ohh.” Affectionate recognition dawned on the woman’s face, “of course, he may still be asleep but as visiting hours have already started you may as well go up.” She offered Lyon a smile, “If anyone asks just say Sara sent you. He’s in room 43, just up the stairs there.”

“Thank you, Sara.”

As Lyon reached the top of the stairs he heard a very familiar scream of pain and fear.

_Gray._

He crashed through the door of Room 43 at a run, but he skidded to a stunned halt at what he saw. The skinny, shaking man lying in the bed before him was nowhere near to what Lyon had imagined he’d see. Though Gray’s dark eyes were open with terror, they stared blankly into the room as if he were seeing something much worse in his mind’s eye. It took Lyon a moment to gather his senses before he rushed forward to try and do anything to bring Gray back to earth from what he could only assume was a nightmare.

“Gray? Gray!” Lyon grasped Gray’s shoulders firmly while trying to gently talk him out of his nightmare. Nothing seemed to work. Lyon’s gaze darted round the room for a help button of some sort but when he heard a quiet,  panicked voice he stopped. He looked back at Gray’s shaking form before pulling the slighter man to his chest. He held him there just enough so that Gray could pull back if he wanted to, but Gray didn’t seem to want to go anywhere.

“They knew…”

Lyon heard as a small voice cut through Gray’s sobs. “…what?” He couldn’t help the blunt response.

“Oh god. They knew, they knew, they kne-”

“Gray? It’s Lyon, please try and calm down. Just breath okay, I’m gonna call for help.”

“They knew, how did they know? They can’t know!”

“The hell are you talking about man?” Lyon couldn’t help his confusion. “What do they know?”

“He cared so much, and they knew it…” Gray took a shuddering breath. “They worked it out!” He leant away from Lyon as if he’d only just worked out what he was doing.

Lyon loosened his grip on Gray’s quivering body, “Gray, please, you need to try calm down. Everything will be fine.” Lyon spoke slowly as he helped Gray lie back on the bed. “You don’t have to speak Gray, jus-”

“He cared, He must have cared so much.” It was if Gray couldn’t remove himself from his cycle of jumbled thoughts as he repeated those words again and again. He stared at Lyon with wide eyes as his fingers tangled themselves in the already crumpled sheets.

“Gray, slow down, what do you mean?”

“He cared so much.” Gray repeated. “So much pain. So much fear. He endured it all, but I think He cared _too_ much. His spirit…I thi- I think it broke.” _Mine would have…by then._

Lyon was shocked by the sheer certainty in Gray’s tone, he didn’t know all that Gray had told the others, so Gray’s words only made half the sense they should. Still, Lyon decided to deal with the immediate problems at hand, and first, his own confusion. “Who is _He_?”

Gray frowned as if the answer was blatantly obvious, but decided to humour his adoptive brother all the same. “ _He_ ’s me, me before I lost Natsu…”

Lyon glanced up. _Gray’s mind is so much worse than I thought it would be, and this…this has to be one of the silliest things I’ve heard!_ “Do you really believe that, Gray?”

“Huh?” Gray noticed the pained disbelief in his adoptive brother’s tone.

“Do you really believe that you and the you before you forgot Natsu are two different people? You, and the you who knew who Natsu is?”

“I have to be…right?” Gray cast his gaze down. Up until Lyon had said something he had been so sure. “I am, or Natsu wouldn’t have got so angry…”

“Natsu what?” Lyon couldn’t help but raise his voice.

Gray looked alarmed at Lyon’s change of tone, but quickly recovered his line of thought. “It’s fine,” he stammered, “I- I’m fine!”

Lyon raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, I’m not really _that_ fine, but for now, yes, I am.” Gray stared at Lyon unblinkingly, “just don’t blame Natsu, please.”

“Okay, fine.” Lyon managed, _not that I won’t ask him about it later._ “Now, if you’re up to it, please explain to me how you are a completely different person.” _There, maybe he’ll see how absurd he sounds._

Gray looked taken aback, as if he didn’t think the issue needed anymore explaining. “If you want?”

Lyon gave a nod. “I don’t want to discredit your ideas on this Gray, for all I know it’s a way for you to cope with your situation. I just want to understand, _why_ , you think it.”

“To put it simply, I-” Gray sighed, he didn’t seem to know where to start. “I know who I am, now, in this moment. Before though, I could have been anyone, I don’t know how much this year has taken from me beyond my memories of Natsu. The person I am now, traumatised, unable to sleep soundly, too weak to be able to walk two steps without falling, that is all I know, but I can’t have always been like that. Worst of all, I can’t remember someone He must have cared about a lot.”

“…but Gray, He is you!”

“Yes, at one point, but now? If Natsu hadn’t reacted like he did maybe I wouldn’t be questioning it. I wouldn’t be thinking on every detail of myself that would have been different before. I _can’t_ remember clearly enough to be able to piece that puzzle together. My drawings only help to a certain extent. Yes those drawings are what little I remember, but how much of that is even true?”

“Oh, Gray…” Lyon couldn’t help the look of pity in his eyes.

“Look at me Lyon! I must be a different person. Don’t you see? No one could _ever_ be this pathetic. Natsu wouldn’t have then reacted like he did. _I_ am a different person to the man I was before.”

“Oh Gray,” Lyon repeated, “I said I didn’t want to discredit whatever it is your mind has done, but there is nothing else for me to do. Whether you’ve done this for protection, or as a coping mechanism, it doesn’t matter, because this is going too far. You need to snap out of this, because if it is causing to call yourself ‘pathetic’ then it’s doing more harm than good.”

“What?”

“Really Gray?” Lyon continued, “You really are so clueless. You’re alive, Gray! After what you’ve been through, I wouldn’t call you pathetic one bit. Look at what they did to you, of course you have changed, but that doesn’t mean you are a completely different person.” Lyon shook his head in disbelief, not able to stop the chuckle which left his lips. “Honestly, Gray, you scare the hell out of me sometimes!”

“But Natsu! I don’t know who he is, I must be- I _have_ to be different.” Lyon’s raised brow silenced him somewhat so he changed tact. “Lyon I-” Gray paused, _no, you need to ask at some point._ “What was I like before?”

“Are you listening to me at all?”

“But I-”

“Obviously not.” Lyon smirked. _This may be the only way for him to see what he’s doing to himself…treat him normally._ “Gray, look, if you really need to know, to me, you seem much the same. Okay? Just as clueless, just as stubborn, just as annoying!”

“I-”

“Just because you can’t remember Natsu, that doesn’t mean you are someone else entirely. Yes, you were close with Natsu, and that would be why he reacted like he did, but that doesn’t confirm what you think it does.”

There was a moment of comfortable silence.

Gray mulled over Lyon’s words, _does he really think I am much the same? Even without Natsu?_ There was his logic again, the logical and collected way of thinking which seemed to have left along with his memories of Natsu. There it was in Lyon’s words, Lyon’s thoughts. The sense in the nonsense, Lyon seemed to have muddled through Gray’s thought process and managed to draw out what was important before Gray had let himself make any sense of it.

_Is he right though?_

Eventually Gray answered his own question. As realisation flickered in Gray’s mind he found his lips twitching upwards. _I am Him._ _He is me. We are one in the same._ He wasn’t sure what to make of it until an almost alien sound had left his lips and he felt warmth bubbling away in his chest. For a matter of seconds his breath caught in his throat as the unfamiliar feeling wracked his body, but it was then that he realised.

_I’m laughing…_

It had been so long since he had laughed like that. At himself no less, and that thought seemed to make him laugh more. The muscles so long unused screamed in protest but Gray didn’t care one bit. The feeling laughing gave him something more than just smiling again. Gray felt more alive than he had the whole time he’d been conscious.

“Gray?” Lyon whispered. He wasn’t sure where the laughter had come from, let alone how to deal with it. It wasn’t until Gray looked up and Lyon could see the relief in his friend’s eyes that he realised.

“Thank you, Lyon.”

“Okay, maybe you have changed…” Lyon joked as a half-hearted chuckle rose in his throat. He still wasn’t quite sure what to make of Gray’s laughter, half convinced that within minutes Gray would be crying again.

“Hey!” Gray continued to laugh until his stomach ached and tears ran down his cheeks. Shaking his head slightly, Gray dried his eyes, and steadied his breaths before speaking again. “So I care about him?”

“He _is_ your friend, idiot.” Lyon rolled his eyes, “Not sure why though.” He earned a punch for his comment, but Lyon couldn’t help but notice the lack of power in it. “Oi!”

Gray continued to chuckle. _How stupid I’ve been...but like Lyon said, my disassociation isn’t entirely invalid._ Gray’s laughter stopped short however when the door to the room crashed open making him jump. He wasn’t surprised one bit as to who was standing there. A wide smile lit up Gray’s face as he stared at the newcomer. _Natsu._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a soft spot for Lyon, and I feel he is a good strategist, and is good at making sense of the strange. For me, it was important he was not just here for this moment, but also the driving force, I hope you can see this too :) I was a little nervous about the amount of dialogue in this chapter, what more can I say, this whole chapter pretty much was dialogue O.o


	13. Twelve - Baseless Doubts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience with me for this chapter update :) Things have been hectic and I have been feeling rather shitty...but you don't need to hear about that! :) Also thank you all so much for all your love and support for this story! It really is so encouraging :)
> 
> Enjoy! :)

**“You were always sure of yourself, now I see you've broken a feather. I hope we can patch it up together.”  
\- Chiquitita, ABBA**

Natsu couldn’t sleep. Well, that was a lie, technically he could, and he very much wanted to. Natsu was very tired, and even more emotionally tired, but his mind refused to shut down. So there he lay in bed, in the room he now shared with Happy. This was fine, of course, but it was a room he’d usually have shared with Gray, and without the idiot snoring it was quiet. Too quiet. Gray however, Gray was now in a hospital bed, dealing with much worse than Natsu could ever have imagined. He tried not to dwell on the fact of Gray’s rather specific memory loss, but he suspected it was exactly that which was keeping him up.

_Gray._

The bedside digital clock read 3:47am. Natsu groaned. Screwing his eyes shut he counted to ten. It did nothing. In all honesty Natsu had no idea why he’d counted to ten in the first place. Rolling over onto his side Natsu managed to doze off for a bit. When he woke again his chees were damp with tears he didn’t know he’d shed. The clock now read 7:12am. Accepting that he probably wouldn’t get much more sleep, Natsu slipped out of bed. As quietly as possible he pulled on the closest set of clothes he could find before leaving the room and heading down stairs.

The fresh morning air was crisp and cool on his skin. _This is the kind of chill that Gray would have scoffed at_ , he thought. With the Ice-Mage at the forefront of his mind again Natsu’s face fell. Then without really thinking about where he was headed, Natsu started to walk, it wasn’t long before he realised he was taking the long route to the hospital.

_If anything, this will help me clear my mind…_

As Natsu walked, a number of questions formulated in his mind. Some more difficult than others to even begin to answer. _Who took Gray, and why? What happened to him to make him forget me? Also, why only me?_ At this thought he paused before adding another, related, but much more pressing question to his list. _How do we get him to remember me?_

Cana had explained about Gray’s comment about the chill in the room. There were two reasons Natsu could come up with, the first was that Gray’s body had simply lost the ability to cope with the cold like it had used to. Anything from the malnourishment to the torture could have caused that. Though a horrible concept, that solution was relatively simple, fixable. His second reason was much more troubling, and Natsu found himself wishing that just this once the easier option would present itself. The thought that something could have happened to Gray’s ‘connection’ with his magic during the year that he’d been tortured was worrying. The link a mage like Gray had with his magic would be strong, but wearing magic repressing cuffs for long enough could weaken the connection to breaking point. Though Gray would still be able to rebuild the connection and relearn his magic, there was so much more to that process than just getting Gray healthy again.

The main problem was, though, that while Gray’s memories were still locked away he still had very little to go on in terms of answering his lengthening list of questions. Even worse, in order to get Gray’s memories back they most likely needed to answer the second question on the list first. An endless paradox of difficult questions had presented themselves. Natsu had no clue where to start.

As Natsu reached the bottom of the hill which stretched out from the hospital’s entrance, Sara’s words echoed in his mind. _‘I do warn you though, bringing back Gray’s memories may do more harm than good’_. Hearing that hadn’t really shocked him. It made sense, but that didn’t mean the words hadn’t hurt. Natsu pondered on Sara’s warning. Part of what Gray had forgotten was to do with his torture and trauma, those memories had been justifiably locked away so Natsu understood why it could be dangerous to try and retrieve them. The memories of Natsu himself, he didn’t think those would be too bad to bring back. _Right? Depends on how they were taken, I suppose_. At that point a rather horrible thought came to mind which stopped Natsu in his tracks.

_What if he doesn’t want to remember me anymore?_

Guilt throbbed in Natsu’s chest as he thought about it. After what he’d said, he wouldn’t blame Gray for wanting to stay clear of him. There was a chance Gray wouldn’t want to see him at all, let alone remember who he was. Natsu was surprised it had taken himself this long to ask that dreaded question. He had half a mind to turn around on the spot and walk back to the hotel. The thought that Gray would want to see him again seemed near impossible now.

Natsu wandered over to a bench which sat at the bottom of the hospital’s sloping lawns. Sitting down, he leant forward so that his elbows rested on his knees so that he could then hid his face in his hands. Finally, he let out the breath he didn’t know he’d been holding.

_What have I done?_

“Natsu? Are you okay?”

The quiet voice jumped Natsu out of his thoughts; he turned to see the young blue haired Dragon Slayer sitting beside him. Wendy was gazing at him worriedly, making Natsu wonder if he’d actually been speaking aloud. “Wendy? What are you doing here?”

“What do _you_ think?” She smiled, “I was worried about you after what Sara said to us yesterday. It’s probably the last thing you’d want to hear. So when I heard you leave your room this morning, I followed.”

 _Damn. I thought I was so quiet!_ Natsu offered a wistful smile, “You’re definitely right there. It makes sense, what she said…I just wish it weren’t true.”

Putting a gentle hand on Natsu’s arm, Wendy spoke again, “I’m sure that won’t stop you trying though?”

“Of course!” Natsu faltered, “bu- but what if he doesn’t want them back?”

“What do you mean?” Wendy fixed Natsu with a puzzled look, “Why wouldn’t he?”

“Well, after what I said to him, I wouldn’t expect anything else.” The ebbing feeling of guild was back as he glanced up at the red brick hospital. “I was horrible to him Wendy!” Natsu exclaimed. “I basically told him he forgot me on purpose just to piss me off. Not only that, I caused him to have a panic attack. What sort of friend does that to someone who’s just spent the last year being tortured for information he either couldn’t, or wouldn’t give up?” Natsu buried his face in his hands again, “I just yelled at him. He asked me to stop, and I didn’t. I just _didn’t_.”

“Natsu I-” Wendy couldn’t help the tears which rolled down her cheeks, she slipped her arm around Natsu’s shoulders but hadn’t much of an idea of what else to say to him.

“His screams, I’ve never heard him like that before. _Ever._ And I was the one who caused it. There’s no way he’ll want to see me, let alone remember me.”

“Natsu…” Wendy whispered, staring at him with sad eyes. She had never seen Natsu like this, he was always the strong one, the hopeful one, but the guilt seemed to be taking over any rational thought. “Do you really think that Gray wouldn’t want to see you just because you yelled at him?”

“He’s different though…the old Gray would have just punched me in the face if I even tried talking to him like that. Yesterday though, he just pleaded with me to stop. He looked _so_ scared, and it was all my fault. I-”

“Natsu just listen to me.” Wendy waited until she had the Dragon Slayer’s full attention before continuing. “Yes, Gray may seem different, but he is still our Gray. Yes he can’t remember you, yes he’s weaker and closer to broken then we ever could have imagined seeing him, he is still _Gray._ He understands that you are feeling scared, that you’re angry, that you’re upset. Gray knows _he_ is the one who forgot _you_.” Wendy paused, watching as Natsu processed what she was telling him. “You know the best thing though Natsu?”

Natsu shook his head.

“That even after everything Gray went through the past year, the isolation, the torture,” she sniffed, “the amnesia, and even after what you said to him, Gray still wants to fix it. He hasn’t given up on remembering you. Believe it or not, you’re the reason he’s still here.”

Natsu nodded. _When did Wendy grow up like that? It feels like she understands how I’m feeling better than I do myself…_

“I know for sure that he wants to see you.” The younger Dragon Slayer gave Natsu’s shoulder a squeeze. “You really can be so silly sometimes Natsu. Now go up and see him before the others wake up and want to see him too. Talk to him, you _both_ need it.”

“Thank you Wendy!” Natsu’s grin was wide as he stood back up, ruffling her hair he turned and ran towards the hospital. “Thank you!”

Wendy watched him go with fond amusement. _It’s so good to see him smiling again._

Natsu reached the sliding doors with a new spring in his step. _He doesn’t hate me!_ Natsu strode up the stairs to the left of the entrance, the hospital staff all knew him by now, and knew who he was going to see. No one stopped him. As he reached the top of the stairs Natsu heard a very familiar sound. He’d never be sick of hearing Gray laugh, especially as it had been so long since he’d heard it that deep, _and_ that loud. He hurried down the corridor before pushing open the door to Room 43. Natsu’s grin widened as his gaze fell on Gray in the bed as the ice mage was wiping tears from his dark eyes.

“Natsu?” Lyon looked startled.

“You wanted to see me?” Natsu chuckled.

Gray’s smile, if possible, widened even further. “Uh huh!” He was about to continue when two things happened to make him loose his train of thought. First, Lyon was off the bed and in two strides stood in front of Natsu his arm aggressively pressed to his chest. Natsu stumbled back with a gasp of surprise. Second, the door swung open, albeit quieter this time.

“I _could_ come back later?”

The hint of sarcasm in Matt’s words didn’t go unmissed by Gray, who’d seen the nurse nearly every morning and night for the past two weeks. Gray shot a glare at Lyon who returned it wholeheartedly. “No, thanks Matt, you can stay, these two just need to sort out a couple of things.”

“We do not!” The pair chorused, though Lyon’s arm still held Natsu in place.

“Hey, hand me that most recent sketchbook would you?” Gray asked Lyon, _occupy him with something other than Natsu._ “The one on the top of the pile. Thanks.”

Lyon dug his arm a little deeper into Natsu’s chest before wandering over to the side table and passing over the sketchbook. He then thumbed through the next one on the pile. He wasn’t a stranger to Gray’s art style, having lived with him for long enough when they were younger. Though Lyon had sometimes teased Gray over his art, it had only ever been out of jealousy. They both were skilled maker-magic mages but Gray’s precision and eye for detail had always carried across in his drawings. These were something different altogether though, Gray’s usually detailed and very clean drawings were now messy, rough sketches. Lyon didn’t need to question it though. That sketchbook was a reflection of Gray’s muddled mind if ever there was one. Lyon was curious as to what Gray was drawing this time but he knew it wouldn’t be recognisable quite yet so he turned his attention to what Matt was doing at the side of the room. On the side counter in the room Matt had laid out a range of bandages and creams, along with a small number of pill bottles. Lyon’s heart sank. He’d completely forgotten in the excitement of seeing Gray again, that it wasn’t just Gray’s mental state which had been damaged.

Having finished setting up what he needed, instead of turning to Gray he offered his hand to Lyon first. “I don’t think I’ve met you yet? I’m Matt, Gray’s nurse.” He studied Lyon through dark, thoughtful eyes.

“Lyon, nice to meet you,” he replied with a smile. “I’m Gray’s brother. Adoptive brother that is.”

“So you’re Lyon? Got it, I’ve heard about you. Though I heard about a lot of people once I got Gray talking.”

Natsu snorted, still rubbing his chest. All heads turned to him, he’d listened to the chatter without comment for quite some time. “I don’t find that hard to believe. Gray never really was too chatty.”

“Hey!” Gray protested, but then paused, _he’s probably right…_

“Shirt, Gray,” Matt requested, before walking over with the fresh bandages. “It is a lot easier with him conscious.” Matt joked, though everyone in the room, including Matt himself, knew it was strained.

Gray had finished the couple of rough sketches, so sliding his sketchbook to the side he made to take off his shirt, and then stopped. “I- I’d rather you two didn’t see this. Please.” He offered an apologetic smile. _I was hoping I wouldn't have to deal with this so early..._ Gray couldn't push away the sickly feeling in his stomach as he watched Natsu and Lyon's reactions.

Both Natsu and Lyon gaped, neither really sure how to process the unusual request. Natsu was about to question his friend’s words but it was as if Gray knew he would do so before the Dragon Slayer had opened his mouth and silenced him with a pleading look. Lyon thought this odd, seeing as Gray had only _really_ known Natsu for a matter of days, but his confusion over Gray’s request was higher on his priority list. _It’s not like he’s ever had a problem with being shirtless before._

“I’m a mess, _no_ , I’m worse than a mess. I’d rather not have you two see me like this. It’s horrible.”

Matt watched Gray with a saddened expression. He’d been treating the Ice-Mage for weeks now, and he knew the disgusted look which took over both Gray’s expression and posture whenever he saw himself in the mirror in the hospital’s bathrooms. Matt’d had to help Gray with nearly everything in the first few days. At that point Gray wasn’t speaking at all, but he hadn’t needed to. Matt had seen that look plenty of times before. Disgust, shame, even hatred. Doing his job as a care nurse Matt had seen them all, and Gray was no different. It had taken nearly four days for Gray to speak to him, but instead of the usual ‘thank you’ he got from patients, the first thing Gray had said to him was ‘I’m sorry…’ and Matt had never forgotten it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *uses frying pan shield* They'll get to talk next chapter I swear!


	14. Thirteen - Apologies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry about the wait for this chapter! But finally, here it is! The talk you've all been waiting for! :) I hope it meets expectations!
> 
> Enjoy! :)

**“Go ahead and laugh even if it hurts, go ahead and pull the pin. What if we could risk everything we have and just let our walls cave in?”  
\- Atlas: Heart, Sleeping at Last**

Lyon gave Gray an encouraging smile before tugging the unsuspecting Natsu from the room. He pulled the Dragon Slayer down the hall to the end of the corridor before coming to a halt. Lyon turned to Natsu with a look of pure frustration. Before Natsu could even open his mouth the older mage spoke.

“Why?”

The question didn’t need explaining. “Honestly, Lyon, I don’t know.” Natsu cast his gaze down. “It was uncalled for.”

“It most certainly was.”

“Not that it excuses what I did, but it did bring back some memories.”

“At what cost though?” Lyon creased his brows. “Judging by the state of him, the memories weren’t of you. Gray isn’t exactly stable right now, so the fact that he’s remembering the past year probably isn’t helping. I mean, you didn’t see him this morning, but I am sure that what you triggered was just as bad…”

Natsu swallowed thickly, he could still hear the sound of Gray’s agonised screams, his broken words. _All my fault._ “What did he say to _you_ though?”

“Huh?”

“Gray must have told you what he remembered, or you wouldn’t be questioning me like this.”

“Ohh.” Lyon frowned, “he kept repeating something…”

“Yeah?”

“Gray kept saying ‘they knew’ until I could calm him down. Then he said something like ‘He cared, He cared so much’. Gray said the He that he was talking about was _himself_. The person he was before all _this_ happened, before he forgot you…”

Natsu’s heart sank. That was for from what he wanted Gray to be thinking. _I don’t think that way…do I?_ “Anything else?” He held his breath as he waited for an answer.

“Yeah. He said that ‘he thought _He_ might have cared too much’.”

“Wait what?” Natsu started, “Cared too much for _who_ though?”

Lyon shrugged, “No clue.”

“You and me both…”

“Gray also said that ‘he thinks they broke His spirit’.”

“Oh no…” Natsu’s next breath caught in his throat. “Did he really say that?”

Lyon nodded.

“This can’t be good…even if we don’t know for sure that it’s true.”

“Wha- what do you mean, Natsu?”

“After Gray came to the last time that in his memory he saw himself being tortured for information. Whatever it was they wanted, Gray was refusing to speak. So even if we don’t know who Gray was protecting, he _was_ protecting someone, someone he cared for. So if they broke his sprit, if they managed to crack _Gray_ , who knows what they did to him.”

“You mean you don’t know what they wanted from him?”

“You know how little we found out _while_ Gray was gone…now we just know what Gray tells us.” Natsu sighed, “Gray now only ever remembers snippets of scenes, he then draws them so they don’t fade completely. Though at the moment, with his mind like it is, I imagine that anything he draws just adds to the confusion.”

“So you’re telling me we have no clue why Gray was taken or who he was protecting.”

Natsu gave Lyon a slow nod. “Gray could have told them anything…but I can’t even think of what Gray would know which could be of any use. Especially if whatever it was amounted to the torture Gray would have gone through. What’s worse though, is the fact that we have no idea of the consequences down the track of them possibly knowing what they know now.”

“Shit.”

There didn’t seem to be any other way to put it. The truth in Natsu’s words hung tauntingly between them. Baiting them.

Lyon was about to reply when the door to Gray’s room opened and Matt sidled out into the corridor. Both sets of eyes turned towards the newcomer.

“All done for now.” Matt came to a halt next to Lyon, “I’ve left some extra pain medication in case he needs it but I think he should be fine.”

“Thanks.” Lyon smiled.

“Just go easy on him today, okay?” Matt gave Natsu a pointed look.

“Of course.” Natsu couldn’t keep the defensive tone out of his voice.

“Gray seems a little shaken over something.” Matt’s gaze moved from Natsu to Lyon, then back again.

Realising that they weren’t going to reply to that comment, with a nod and a small wave Matt left down the corridor. “I’ll be back tonight!” He called behind him as he went.

Lyon then turned to Natsu. “You should go talk to him.”

Natsu grinned. _Finally._ “Tell you what, take my room key and walk to the Station Hotel. If no one’s at breakfast go up to my room, number 14, Happy shouldn’t mind, and he’ll show you where the others are.”

“Sure. Sounds like a plan. I can tell them what Gray told me, it’ll save him having to explain it all again.”

“I’ll see you later then.”

“Sure. Remember though Natsu, I’m not quite finished with you yet, but now is not the time.” Lyon turned and headed down the corridor. After a few steps Lyon stopped and turned back. “Thank you, Natsu, thank you for being there for all those years when I wasn’t.” _Look after him._

Natsu smiled. He knew he didn’t need to reply. The Dragon Slayer headed back towards Room 43 with a newly found spring in his step but as he reached the door he hesitated. He could feel the nerves bubbling in his chest as his hand gripped the doorhandle. When he finally pushed open the door Gray was sitting up in bed with an open sketchbook on his lap. He looked up as Natsu shut the door behind him with a solid clunk.

“Hey!” Gray smiled as he adjusted the sheets so that they covered his chest. “Why don’t you sit?” He frowned as he watched Natsu stay put. He looked nervous, guilty even. Gray could sense the way Natsu was staring at him, it made him feel strange. Familiarity ebbed away at the back of his mind, but Gray had no clue as to _why_. He knew it was Natsu, but as to _who_ Natsu was Gray had no clue. It was this which troubled him most. Every part of Gray’s mind was telling him he _should_ know who Natsu was to him, but he also had no idea where to even start.

It was as if he was staring at a photo of someone which had been taken at a time and place before he knew them, leaving him only with an image of someone almost alien. It was Natsu, that was clear as day, but as to who Natsu was, who he’d been to Him, _no, who he was to me_ , Gray knew next to nothing. What little he did know he’d had to gage from Natsu’s interactions with him, and those were mixed signals at best.

“Gray I-” Natsu didn’t even know where to start. He stayed standing, as if going any closer would cause Gray more pain than he was already in.

“If you’re going to apologise…please don’t.”

“But-“

“I know you want to but there is nothing to apologise for.”

“I yelled at you!”

“You were angry and upset!”

“You had no control whatsoever over what happened to you in that place. I had no right to say what I did.”

“How were you supposed to know you’d react like you did?”

“I could have stopped myse-”

“-but you shouldn’t have.”

“What?”

“Look, I know I don’t know you _that_ well…but can you imagine what a state you’d be in if you hadn’t let it all out?”

Natsu imagined. It didn’t take long for him to begrudgingly agree. However this didn’t stop the guilt from sitting heavily in his stomach. “Oh.”

“Now sit, before I have to call Matt back to make you.”

Chuckling lightly, Natsu edged forward to sit on the chair next to Gray’s bed. A silence settled which neither seemed to want to break. Eventually, Gray obliged, watching Natsu carefully as he did so. “If it’s going to make you feel better…” He ventured. “You can apologise if you like. There’s no question as to whether I will accept it.”

Natsu stared at Gray apprehensively. _Really?_ Eventually the Dragon Slayer nodded. “I’m sorry Gray, for everything.” There wasn’t much else he could say, the apology wasn’t enough. In Natsu’s mind, no matter what Gray said, it was never going to _be_ enough. Despite this, Natsu attempted a smile, “How are you feeling?”

“I’ve been better, but I imagine that’s what a year of torture does to you.” Gray offered Natsu a grim smile.

All he got was a pointed glare in return.

Taking the hint, Gray continued. “Right now though? A little shaken still, but otherwise fine.”

“You _were_ laughing when I came in before…”

Gray chuckled. “That was Lyon’s fault, my jaw and chest ache now because of it. It’s been a while since I’ve laughed that much. The other though,” Gray looked up apologetically, “that was brought on by you.”

“What?”

“Sorta!” Gray backtracked, “I wanted to remember more, so I could be helpful, for your sake. So I thought about what had triggered me last time, but it went wrong. Or at least I reacted worse than I thought I would.”

Natsu was stunned. _He did all that to try and help…for me?_ It didn’t take long though for the realisation of what Gray had actually done to sink in. “Thank you Gray…but my god! Did you even think?”

“S’pose not…”

Natsu slipped his hand into Gray’s; he gripped it firmly, but not enough to hurt his friend’s fingers. “Anything could have happened to you Gray, you really shouldn’t try doing something like that without someone there. We don’t really know how, or even why you lost them, so bringing them back could do something worse to you…”

“I just wanted to remember you. To bring Him back for you.” Gray said forlornly. “I see the way you look at me though Natsu. It scares you that I don’t know who you are to me and I wanted to fix that. For both you and Him.” Gray was about to continue but Natsu cut him off.

“Gray stop. You can’t keep referring to yourself like that. I know it must have been me who started it, but you _are_ Gray. No matter what they did to you, whatever made you forget, you are still Gray. You are still the person I knew.”

“But-”

“You wanna know why?”

Gray looked at Natsu in shock. He was the last person he would have expected to say something like that. Lyon, his thoughts on the matter were understandable, but for Natsu to be saying this. _I wonder how much truth is in his words…_ Any doubts, however, were quickly sideswiped by Natsu’s  next words.

“You are sitting here telling me that you triggered your own nightmarish memories just to try and remember me. Not only that, but it wasn’t just for your own benefit. It was also because you know it hurts me to know that everything we did together, our friendship, has been lost.” Natsu paused. “Tell me Gray, from what you do remember, from what you know. Say if I’m wrong, but that is _very_ Gray…don’t you think?”

Gray was stunned. _He really does see me for me?_

“Besides, I believe there had to be a reason for you to forget me. You would do anything to keep people you care for safe. There’s no limit, and I think deep down, you know it too.”

 “Natsu I…I’m sorry.”

Natsu sighed. Wiping tears from his eyes with his spare hand he spoke with a determined evenness to his tone. “What are you apologising for? _None_ of this is your fault!”

Gray gave a shaky laugh. “I just wanted to remember.”

“I know Gray. I’d love for you to remember too, and you will, but we’ll have to do this carefully, without causing you harm.” Natsu gave Gray’s hand a squeeze, “Just please don’t try anything without us there again. I couldn’t bare losing you for a second time.”

Gray nodded. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think.”

 “What did you see this time? Lyon said a little, but I don’t think you really knew what it was you were saying at that point…did you?” Natsu asked tentatively. He really didn’t want to ask at all, but it was vital he knew everything if he were to piece together what happened to Gray.

Gray stared down at the drawing on his lap as if hoping it would trigger more than what he’d already seen. The collection of messy sketches of Gray’s scarred body portrayed the fear and pain He would have felt in that moment but it didn’t bring up anything new so he pushed the drawing to face Natsu before starting to speak. “They sounded desperate. I think this must have been quite a while after the last scene I saw.” Gray’s free hand traced over his bandaged chest. “So many lashes. Again, and again, and again.”

Natsu listened with baited breath. He could only guess what was under Gray’s bandages, but he was sure he had a pretty good idea. He didn’t need the sketched images to fill in the blanks where the bandages covered Gray’s pale chest. His imagination did that for him.

“It’s all a bit foggy now. The version of me in the memory was so determined not to say a word, but I could feel panic there too. It was as if He didn’t think He could hold on for any longer.” Gray struggled with his next words, it was something he really didn’t want to admit. “I was so scared.”

“If it’s too much, Gray, you don’t have to…”

“No, it’s alright.” Gray shook his head. “I must have really cared you know? About someone, or something, there was a reason I was still there when this occurred, there was no way I was going to give up. I could feel it. Every bit of pain I endured, it was all for someone I cared about.” Gray looked back up at Natsu. “They realised it too.”

“They did?”

“That’s the last thing I remember before the panic set in and my own screams woke me up.” Gray shuddered, “They said something to him.”

Natsu could feel Gray’s hands shaking in his own. He wanted to stop him from continuing but there was something almost unreadable in Gray’s expression which told Natsu he needed to hear what he was about to say.

“They told said ‘you don’t just know who we’re looking for and where they are, you know them personally. More than that, y-” Gray’s voice quivered. “More than that, you care about them’. But do you know what’s worse? I could feel everything I would have been feeling in that moment, every thought running through my mind. From what I gather from the memory, I thought they were going to change tactic…”

“So what you’re saying is that because they hadn’t broken Gray’s spirit before this then knowing that Gray’s reasons for keeping the information from them would have given them a new angle to find out what they needed.”

Gray’s breath caught in his throat. “There is no question of it, and…and whatever happens now because of it is all my fault. This _is_ all my fault. It has to be, I-”

“-Gray!” Natsu tried to keep the worry from his tone, “Please, try and calm down. Everything is going to be fine. You don’t _know_ that you said anything to them.”

“But-”

“We don’t know for sure. So until the time comes that we either discover what they were after, or we know for sure you said anything, we won’t worry. Okay?”

Gray let out a shuddering breath. “Okay.”

“Good!” Natsu said brightly in an attempt to cover how concerned he really was. “Why count your dragons before they’ve come to burn your house down?”

Staring at Natsu with an air of fascination, Gray chuckled. _I wonder if he was always like this? Able to make me smile even when I didn’t think it was possible myself._ “Talk to me, Natsu, tell me something happy.” Gray pulled the ‘Natsu’ sketchbook from the side table along with a pencil. “Please, tell me about you. About _us_.”

So Natsu did.


	15. Fourteen - E.N.D.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, so sorry for the amount of time between updates, life, uni, illness, writers block, take your pick - not that I am trying to make excuses! D: I am sorry!
> 
> Anywho, I have edited/changed parts of Chapter 13 so read that first - a reviewer made a note of some serious flaws in the chapter and revisions needed to be made! I hope they help the chapter to work better! Thank you all so so much for all your comments and support! You guys are the best!!
> 
> Enjoy! :)

**“ _But, you don't know what it's like to lose you 'cause I only lose my mind when I ain't got you, and how can I not win when I'm always bound to lose_.”  
\- Lose My Mind, Dean Lewis**

They hadn’t realised just how much time had passed until the door was pushed open and a young, dirty blonde haired girl backed into the room pulling a trolley of food trays.

“Lunch already?” Gray eyed the tray with suspicion. Lunch was always somewhat questionable. “Thank you, Fae, wasn’t it?”

The girl nodded shyly, and putting the tray on Gray’s lap, she smiled. “Enjoy, I hope…”

Gray chuckled as the girl left, then picking up half a sandwich he turned back to Natsu. “Want some?”

Natsu was starving. “You sure?”

Gray nodded, chuckling as he heard the rumble of Natsu’s stomach. “Course!”

They ate in silence, Gray watching the oblivious Natsu thoughtfully. “So you stopped me from using Iced-Shell?”

Natsu felt a jolt somewhere in his chest, what Gray was prepared to do on Galuna Island it still worried him, scared him even. “Once I had worked out what Iced-Shell actually did, there was no way I was going to let you use it.”

“You know my memory of that moment had Loke stopping me from using that spell?”

“Oh, yeah.” This fact still frustrated Natsu more than he thought it should, but he ignored the feeling.

“I always wondered why he was on that trip seeing as he couldn’t hang around Lucy at the time.” Gray looked up from one of the sketchbooks on his lap where he’d just made a note on the sketch of Deliora. “This makes more sense.” He studied Natsu’s expression. It was almost unreadable, _almost_. Natsu’s next rather hesitant words confirmed his suspicions that his blasé tone had hurt him in some way.

Just how much though, neither really understood.

“I suppose you’re right…”

“This shows something else too. It shows just how far I’d go to protect the people I care about.”

“It’s not the only time too…”

“Huh?”

“Tartaros, I don’t know what your mind did to these memories, but you saved my life then too.”

“Tartaros? What the hell is Tartaros?”

“What?”

“What is Tartaros?”

Natsu gaped. “You don’t remember Tartaros? What about Alverez?”

Gray shook his head slowly. “What is it?”

“You saved my life in the Tartaros battle too.”

“I did?” _Good, that is good._

“You put yourself in front of me, to take the brunt of the Momento Mori curse.” Natsu’s stomach twisted at the thought. “We’d just fought against Mard Geer together. We worked together so well, it was amazing if I may say so myself.” Natsu grinned, _it was just the best._ To think that Gray couldn’t remember any of it was difficult to grasp, Natsu had been so proud of what they had achieved together that day.  “Are you sure you don’t remember any of it? Any at all?”

“I- I’m sorry Natsu, I don’t.”

“This is really strange; maybe because I am such a big part of those memories your mind completely deleted them. Which means…” Natsu’s heart sank. _Oh god…_

“Which means what?”

“Think about it Gray. All those times I told you about…the number of times you have done everything to save my life. Every time you’ve put your life on the line. Iced-Shell, that time we had to get Wendy to Erza and you used nearly all your power to stop that speedster, Tartaros… Gray, you went undercover in a dark guild to try and find the book of E.N.D.” _E.N.D._ Tears forced their way to the surface. “Don’t you see Gray? There’s nothing you wouldn’t do for me.”

“Ohh.” Gray’s expression went from confused to shocked in seconds. “I’d do anything to protect you…even forget your existence.”

The pair stared at each other, neither moving a muscle. The revelation hanging in the air between them. It was Natsu who broke the silence.

“Why though? If what we are saying is true, and you forgot me to protect me. Then how and why did it get to that point?” _What did they do to you? What did they want?_ He had some idea… _E.N.D.,_ the fact that he was Zeref’s most powerful demon was the only thing he could think of. Very few people knew, Gray included. So, until he knew for sure, Natsu decided not to mention anything to Gray. Playing dumb was the safest option, for if that was the reason they had taken Gray, then he didn’t want to bring it up yet. Especially when he didn’t know how Gray could react. “What could they want to know about me that would be of any use to anyone?”

“You’d have a better idea than me.”

The sarcasm in Gray’s comment was duly noted, but Natsu didn’t get to respond as at that moment the rest of the team barged into the room. Natsu shot Gray a silencing look. He needed to make sense of the new revelations before he voiced anything to the team.

“Hello Gray!” Erza grinned, she hadn’t really been able to say hello properly and she’d been chirpy all morning at the prospect of seeing him again.

“Erza!” His mind was still reeling from his conversation with Natsu, but he grinned, pushing the worry to the back of his mind. “It’s so good to see you!”

“You two haven’t been causing trouble have you?” Erza glanced from one to the other. “You look like there’s something you’re trying to hide…there isn’t, is there?”

“No m’am!” The pair chorused.

Natsu noticed Lucy staring so he gave Gray’s hand a squeeze before subtly letting go and putting it back on his knee. “What are you guys doing here?”

“Good news man!” Loke grinned. “We’re going home tomorrow!”

“Huh?”

“What he means to say,” said Wendy, “is that we are _all_ going home tomorrow, Gray, you as well!”

A wide smile lit up the ravenett’s face. “Really?”

“Really.”

“We’ve booked a sleeper carriage for us all. That way you can sleep through the whole thing. It’ll be easier with how unsteady you are on your feet at the moment.”

“That would be an understatement.” Gray chuckled. “Up until a day ago I could barely walk two steps without falling.”

“You’ll get stronger Gray, don’t worry about it.”

Gray shot Lucy a thankful smile.

“We also thought you should take a sleeping draught, just in case you wake up and the train triggers something. It’s not worth the risk to keep you awake.” Lyon added.

“Maybe we should get something to knock Natsu out too.” Lucy giggled.

“What? Why?” Gray glanced from Natsu to Lucy and back again.

“He gets motion sickness.”

“ _Terrible_ motion sickness.” Erza rolled her eyes.

“Motion sickness. _Motion sickness._ ” Gray looked dumbfounded. “Pinky, that’s pathetic!”

“Oi!” Natsu snapped playfully, “I’m not the one who can’t wa-” _Walk_ , he had meant to say, but he thought better of it. _Too much, too soon?_ It was so easy to slip back into their usual play of banter and insults that he’d hadn’t really thought about the implications of his words. The silence, however, told Natsu that he hadn’t stopped early enough to cover the blunder.

“Touché.”

Gray’s response was so typically _Gray_ that it cleared the air almost instantly leaving way for the group to fall into peals of laughter.

For Fae out in the corridor the joyous laughter meant nothing, her eavesdropping had only revealed to her one useful piece of information.

_So, they’re taking him home tomorrow._

– o – o – o –

 “You’re very quiet, Natsu.” Happy padded over to where the Dragon Slayer was lying on the bed in their hotel room staring at the ceiling.

They had left Gray in bed, on Sara’s insistence, backed by Gray himself. She had dropped in to check on Gray before Matt came in to check his bandages. Just like last time, Gray asked everyone to leave, however this time, no one questioned the request.

“Thinking.” _Don’t pull a muscle!_ Gray’s cocky voice played in his head making him grin.

“About what?” Happy pulled himself up onto the bed to sit next to his friend.

Natsu hesitated, he was questioning whether it was a good idea to say anything about his suspicions, but it didn’t take long for him to make a decision. It was _Happy_ after all. “Gray.”

“Gray?”

“Yeah, I think I know why Gray was taken, or at least part of it.”

“Really?”

Natsu gave a slow nod.

“We should tell the others! I’ll go ge-”

“Happy no, not yet. Please.”

“Why?”

“I want to be sure. Plus…plus I think it has to be to do with E.N.D., to do with _me_ being E.N.D.”

“What?” Happy yelped.

“It has to be, think about it Happy. Gray was taken, tortured for information he claimed to not have so that he could protect someone, and because of that he somehow managed to forgot me…just me.” He looked crestfallen. “It’s all my fault.”

“You don’t know that Natsu!”

“Happy!” Natsu snapped, then backtracked. “Sorry. Why else would they have taken him?”

“Natsu. Calm down, the others will hear you.”

Natsu took a deep breath. “It has to be because of me.”

“Everyone in the guild knows though, about you being E.N.D., so why take Gray of all people?”

“He _was_ meant to kill E.N.D. …” The pit of dread in Natsu’s stomach grew slightly.

“Maybe…but who other than in the guild knows that? Plus until we know for sure there is no point in panicking. Feeling guilty won’t help Gray at all.”

“I-” Natsu hesitated. “True.”

“Get some sleep Natsu.”

Natsu wished he could.

– o – o – o –

“Are you sure it wouldn’t be better just to tell them? Gray?”

Gray stared into Natsu’s wide eyed expression, or he was sure it _was_ Natsu, the Natsu who’d visited him while he was in the forest anyway. It was just that this time they weren’t in a forest. They were in a small stone cell, standing over the skinny form of Gray’s pale body.

_Then why is he here now?_

Part of Gray knew it would be easier, that he’d be able to see him again, that he’d get to go _home,_ but he also felt that telling the truth would have far worse consequences then just them finding Natsu. Gray shook his head.

“He would be able to deal with them when they came and you know it.”

“I do, but what else are they planning?”

“It’s a risk he would be willing to make for you. He wants you home just as much as you want to be there. Natsu wouldn’t care what you brought with you.”

“I would.”

“He’s not the one who’s weak, injured and trapped in a cell. You don’t have many other options.”

“I don’t care.” Gray snapped as unwanted tears formed in his eyes. “I’d rather die than tell them Natsu is E.N.D.!”

Gray bolted up in the narrow hospital bed. His breath came in ragged pants as he felt the fear and adrenaline pumping through his body. He rubbed tears from his dampened cheeks before squeezing his eyes shut.

_E.N.D. … Who the  hell is E.N.D.?_

– o – o – o –

“Very interesting.” Giganto said. “You sure that’s what you heard Fae?”

“Yeah, they’re going on the train.”

“This will make things difficult.”

“Actually, Master, I wouldn’t be so sure. I think they’re going to try and get Fullbuster’s memories back. The only reason we let him go was because he countered the spell and fried his brain leaving him no longer useful. They’re going to make him useful again. I’m surprised he made it to the hospital. But anyway, those Fairy Tail idiots will fix the problem, and I am sure we could get him back. Even if he does remember us too.”

“You have a point, Lexer, and Fullbuster is still the only one who can kill him. If they restored his memories then we’d be able to put phase two into action.” He grinned at Fae with a dangerous glint in his eyes. “Tell everyone to pack their bags. We’re going to Magnolia.”


	16. Fifteen - Forget and Forgive?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I somehow happened across my profile here the other day to see that a year ago today I posted the fist chapter of this story. Seeing that I blew the dust off the Smoke & Mirrors folder to see what it was that had made me drift. I found a couple of loose threads which I have now knotted and sealed, and have fixed up my plan as what I had originally planned out has fallen through. Big time. Because I am an idiot. Writers block is a bitch and a half and I am so sorry for the wait you guys have had to deal with. Your patience, and hopefully unfailing loyalty is much appreciated. Though I won't blame you if you want to abandon ship...
> 
> However, *drumroll*, I have a new chapter and the next one started, with the rest of the story planned out chapter by chapter! I hope you all enjoy the next installment even though it really is a linking chapter (which in no way belittles it's importance), but after this tensions will rise in more ways than one. Get ready for something close to an angst storm in the next few chapters after this...if you see it that way however, we shall have to wait and see...
> 
> Enjoy!

**" _I've told a million lies but now I tell a single truth, there's you in everything I do...I bet my life on you_."  
\- I Bet My Life, Imagine Dragons**

“Hey, Rogue!” Sting called into the guild hall, “Look who I found in town!” The ecstatic blond led Gajeel, Levy, Juvia, and Lily into the Sabertooth guild hall.

Rogue looked up. “Oh, hello! Do you have any more news on Gray?”

“More than news!” Juvia couldn’t contain her excitement. “He’s coming home in a couple of days!”

“That is so good to hear!” Rogue replied with a smile.

“Frosh thinks so too!”

“Thing is…” Gajeel started.

 “His memories.” Levy finished. “But I have a theory about that.”

“You do?” The Twin Dragons chorused back.

“Is Rufus here?” Levy asked. “I think he may be able to help find Gray’s hidden memories.”

“The right memories.” Juvia added.

“Some of Gray’s more painful memories were brought to the surface after something stupid Natsu said.” Gajeel answered with an air of annoyance.

“Oh.” Sting muttered, then turned to the rest of the guild who’d all turned to face the newcomers. “Hey Rufus!” he called, “we need your help!”

“Please!” Levy added.

“What do you need?”

Rufus had appeared seemingly out of nowhere.

“You remember how Gray lost his memories of Natsu? Well, I thought maybe you’d be able to help get them back…” Levy looked hopeful, “With your memory magic and all.”

Rufus pressed the tips of his fingers together and closed his eyes in thought. “If you knew exactly how he lost them, then maybe yes.”

“You think?”

Rufus nodded. “Either way I will try and do what I can to help.”

“Thank you!” Juvia was almost in tears with happiness. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

A smile twitched at Rufus’ lips. “Not at all. It’s a relief to hear that Gray is going home.”

“When are we leaving?” Sting grinned.

“You’re coming too?” Gajeel frowned at his fellow Dragon Slayer.

“I’m sure the guild will be fine for a couple of days without us.” Sting grinned.

“Plus we want to see Gray just as much as you do.” Rogue added.

“Yeah!” Lector agreed, nodding with Frosh.

“Alright then.” Gajeel said abruptly, “let’s go.”

– o – o – o –

To say that Gray was nervous was an understatement. This was to be the first time he’d be forcefully put to sleep since the time when he’d first arrived at the hospital weeks beforehand. With the way he was sleeping – or really, not sleeping – because of the nightmares, being forced to sleep wasn’t at the top of his to do list. However, remembering Natsu and going home were. Not being able to have one without the other meant the three had now become of equal importance in Gray’s mind.

 _Natsu is worth the nightmares,_ Gray thought, _he has to be._

Everyone but Natsu had already headed to the station along with Gray’s sketchbooks. So now the pinkett sat with Gray as they waited for Matt and Sara to ogive Gray a final check-up before using the sleeping spell on him. Natsu watched as his friend tapped his fingers nervously on his leg.

“Are you okay? Gray?”

“I’m fine.” The frustration in Gray’s tone was mainly directed towards himself over the fact that he didn’t feel fine at all. In truth, he felt sick to the stomach, mixed with a feeling of dread. It was obvious that Natsu had taken it the other way, the Dragon Slayer had flinched, fixing Gray with the expression of a wounded puppy. “Sorry.” Gray fumbled over his words, “I’m just- I-”

“Nervous huh?”

Gray nodded. “The nightmares are getting worse.”

“How?”

“It’s like the more I remember the more fuel my mind has for nightmares.”

“You had another dream last night…didn’t you?” Natsu knew he was stating the obvious but there was little else he knew to say.

“You were there, but it wasn’t _you_ you. Like in the forest, but this time we were in a cell. You were telling me to confess, so that I could go home, so they’d stop hurting me.”

“I was?” Natsu cast his gaze down, in honesty, he wasn’t surprised. _Let them come, let them find me._ He would have said, then maybe Gray would still know who he was.

“You said that them finding out the truth would be a risk He’d be willing to take. _He_ being you I suppose. I still refused, I didn’t say anything about why I did so, but when I woke up I felt so scared, scared, and sad.”

“Sad?”

“Yeah, I’d been crying.” Gray turned to watch as Natsu took his hand again. The warmth was comforting. “…but I don’t know why.”

“You never cease to amaze me, Gray.” Natsu wasn’t sure what had made him say it, he was at a loss for words of comfort, yet he’d said _that_ , anything would have been better than _that_. Thankfully, if Gray had found it strange, he didn’t say so.

The ravenett chuckled. “Funny that, I was thinking similar about you…”

There was a moments silence where Gray stared at their interlocked hands, and Natsu tried to think of something to say. Nothing came to mind.

“Oh! Wait!” Gray’s gaze snapped back up. “There was something I remember saying.”

“What?” Natsu held his breath.

“E.N.D., but Natsu, what does that mean?”

Natsu felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. _So it is my fault._ “Don’t worry about it.”

“What! Why?”

“Do you trust me?”

“I-” Gray stared at Natsu. _His_ Natsu, the dream Natsu, he trusted him. This Natsu he’d known for a matter of days, and before that, he hadn’t known he existed. _But they are one and the same. Right?_ He hoped his hesitation had passed unnoticed. “Of course.”

“Then don’t worry about it, please.” Natsu smiled, giving Gray’s hand a squeeze. “When they cast the spell just think about the guild, your happiest memories. That should help with the dreams somewhat.”

Gray offered a half-hearted smile. “Okay.”

“If that doesn’t work just remember that I’ll be there the whole time.” He gave Gray a wide grin. “Just like I always have been.”

Gray did exactly what Natsu had told him, but instead of the guild, he pictured Natsu’s smile. It was something which somehow always managed to comfort him, no matter the situation. The prospect of the oncoming nightmares felt a little more bearable with Natsu there.

Natsu kept a tight hold on Gray’s hand long after he’d closed his eyes and his grip had slackened. Natsu wasn’t sure what had made him do it; he and Gray had never had that sort of friendship, not really. Yet, after nearly losing Gray, and finding him so _broken_ , Natsu wasn’t sure what their relationship was anymore. Whatever they did have before was now practically one sided, and he wasn’t sure when things would feel normal again. If ever.

As the train pulled up at Magnolia station Natsu felt sick in more ways than one. The Troia spell Wendy had cast at the start of the journey had worn off an hour before they’d arrived, and Natsu wasn’t sure which was worse: The sound of Gray muttering and crying out in his sleep, or the feeling that he wanted to empty the contents of his stomach out the window. In retrospect the former was worse.  Gray wasn’t just muttering gibberish. Natsu could distinctly hear ‘E.N.D.’, ‘kill’, and ‘forgive’ along with his own name, and was thankful that it was just him and Gray in that room. Though occasionally one of the others in the group would pop in to check on them both.

Natsu wasn’t sure whether Gray’s muttering so we're full formed memories playing in his friends head or just snippets of information, but either way, it worried him. _He can’t know. Not yet._ Not knowing what Gray’s captors had attempted to do to him meant that there was no telling what Gray would do once he knew the truth of why he was taken.

There was every possibility that as a result Gray would try to carry out his purpose as an Ice Demon Slayer, willingly or by force. Either way it was something that Natsu didn’t want to come to pass.

There was, however, one thing Natsu was certain of. They needed to work out what it was that had made Gray forget, and that no matter the reason, they _would_ fix it. Then maybe, just _maybe_ things could get back to normal.

– o – o – o –

“You really need to stop doing this or you’re going to die before your plan even begins to work.”

“Hello to you too.” Gray snapped back.

“You’d think you’d be bored of talking to yourself by now…” Natsu teased.

“Beats the silence.” _Beats the pain._

“Fair enough.” Natsu sank to the ground next to Gray, pulling his knees up to his chest so to mirror him. “I’m still not sure about this plan of yours. There are so many things which could go wrong.”

“Well we both know it’s better than the alternative Giganto has planned for me.”

“True.”

“Besides. This way I’ll have more of a chance to see him again.”

“If you even recognise him.”

Guilt churned through Gray’s stomach. “I’m sure he’d recognise me though.” _That is if he found me at all._

“I know he would.”

They sat in silence for a few moments before Gray spoke with an air of defiance.

“Screw the risks. They can’t find out Natsu is E.N.D., I won’t let them. So long as they don’t know they can’t use me against him. I’ll do anything to make sure they don’t.”

“Even this?”

Gray’s expression was set in a pained determination. “Even this.”

“I have one question for you then…”

“Yes?”

“Will he forgive you for it?”

Gray let his head loll forward to rest on his knees.

_Probably not._

Gray jolted awake his body shaking and cheeks damp with tears. “Natsu,” he rasped, glancing to his right, Gray noticed that he was no longer on the train. The room was much larger and cleaner than any train carriage he’d ever been in. “Natsu!” Gray soon noticed Natsu slumped in the chair next to his bed. Locks of his messy pink hair rested on his face, ruffling slightly with each breath.

A small smile crinkled at the corner of Gray’s lips as he watched Natsu sleep. Though they soon disappeared as Gray remembered his dream. “I really would do anything for you, huh?” Though Gray knew that there was no way he could know the full extent of the lengths he had gone to protect Natsu. Not yet.

There was something else that worried him. _E.N.D._. The unknown entity which Gray now knew to be a person. Not just anyone, but Natsu. What E.N.D. was, and why he, _Gray_ , was the only one who could kill him was something he needed answering.

A pit of worry settled in his gut.

_If I’m meant to kill E.N.D., and Natsu and E.N.D. are one and the same, then no wonder I tried to forget him…_

Despite the rather shocking conclusion Gray had come to, there was so much more he didn’t know. Making the decision to ask Natsu once he had woken up Gray drifted back to sleep. The words of the Natsu of his consciousness still echoing in his mind.

_“Will he forgive you for it?”_

This time though he knew the answer, and it was just enough for him to have a dreamless sleep.

_He has forgiven me. I know he has._


	17. Sixteen - Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I first wrote this chapter it was over double the length it is now, so I've split it into two at a timely- or not so timely - place, depending on how you look at it. Finally, stuff's happening! Woo! (Possibly only just.) I apologise for the lateness of this chapter, if you can even call it lateness. I assure I have not abandoned this story in any way - the chapters will just be slow coming. So bear with me, please, but I won't blame you if you abandon ship! Anywho, enjoy the next installment :)

**" _Swallow nostalgia, chase it with lime, better than dwelling and chasing time, missing occasions I can't rewind, can't help but feel like I've lost what's mine_."  
\- SUBURBIA, Troye Sivan**

By the time Lucy had dragged both Natsu and a very teary Juvia from Gray’s bedside under the assurance that Gray would be fine for half an hour, most of the guild plus Sting, Rogue and Rufus were all gathered at a large table. The top of which was covered in a multitude of thick books. Gray’s sketch books dotted amongst the organised chaos. A couple still lay open, one particularly old memory magic book sat in front of Rufus. His concerned frown was a worry to those watching on.

“So Gray only forgot Natsu?” Rufus asked grimly.

“Uh huh. Plus all his memories which I would have been in were distorted in some way. Mostly through someone else being inserted into the memory in my place.” To Natsu, his words didn’t seem to make much sense, but Rufus simply nodded.

“And you’re not sure why Gray was taken yet?”

“Not entirely, no.” Erza replied while Natsu looked sheepish and Happy chose that exact moment to announce he was going to check on Gray. Erza looked over at Natsu. “There is something you haven’t told us. Right?”

Natsu swallowed.

“Far out Natsu!” Lucy snapped, “What are you not telling us?”

“The last time I was with Gray at the hospital. Just before you guys walked in. Gray said that he remembered some more of his nightmares.”

“And…”

“He said he remembered a word. E.N.D..”

“What?” Lucy gasped. “I thought you decided not to tell Gray, because of what he’d made it his mission to do, because of how deep down E.N.D. could be seen to be the cause of the death of his family.”

This was old news to the people in the room. The truth had been shared with the guild and a select few from Sabertooth, plus Lyon. Though no one had taken it badly, no one had taken the news well either. It had been Natsu’s decision not to tell Gray, solely because he didn’t want to put his friend in such a position. Over time, however, Natsu couldn't keep it from him. Especially after he’d got sick because of the mix of Dragon Slayer, Demon and Human in his system. Though Gray had been angry for a very long span of time, he’d eventually understood.

“I had to.” Natsu stated simply. “We fought, I saved his life while he was don’t something reckless to save mine, we made up. That’s all there is to it.” _We never spoke of it after that day, we didn’t need to._

“So you think that’s why Gray was taken?” Loke voiced what everyone was thinking. “Whoever it was wanted to find E.N.D..”

“Idiot Flamebreath.” Gajeel growled, “You didn’t think this was important info to tell everyone a bit earlier?”

Natsu stayed silent.

“Why would they want to find E.N.D. though?” Juvia interjected. This wasn’t the time for Gajeel to start a fight with the already on edge Dragon Slayer.

“To kill him? To recruit him?” Gajeel replied bitterly. “Take your pick.”

“In that case, it would be safe to assume that they, whoever _they_ are, thought that the best way to E.N.D. was through finding one of the only people able to kill him...” Sting glanced at Natsu, he could sense his friend’s growing discomfort at the topic of conversation.

“…and the only one who’d made it his main mission to do so.” Natsu added glumly.

“But very few know Gray-sama is a Demon Slayer. Let alone that he was after the book of E.N.D. and E.N.D. himself.”

“That doesn’t matter for now though.” Levy spoke up, “Maybe finding out the how of Gray’s memory loss will shed light on the who and the why as well.”

“Hopefully.”

“Thanks to Natsu being completely open with us about our- no, about Gray’s current situation,” Rufus added loftily, “I think I may have some idea of the spell used on Gray. It is very volatile, and even dangerous spell if not conducted with the upmost precision.”

“And...” Levy looked worried, she had a feeling she knew the spell Rufus was referring to, but she’d never heard of it being used where the subject lived to tell the tale. It couldn’t kill physically, but it could most definitely kill the mind.

“It is called, Kakusareta Omoide, which roughly translates to ‘the hidden things’ or ‘hidden memories’.”

“You say the spell is unreliable…” Lucy hesitated, not really wanting to know the answer, “how so?”

“To put it simply, once the mind has been opened by the spell it is easily manipulated by whomever is in the room for whatever they want. This spell can make for a range of outcomes.” Rufus paused, “Plus, for the spell to work, the person whose memories have been tampered with has to sacrifice something.”

“What sort of sacrifice?” Erza felt uneasy, there was no possibility of a good answer given their situation.

“That is the most dangerous part, once the spell has been cast, _it_ chooses, usually based on why the spell was being used in the first place.”

“So you think the spell took Gray’s memories of Natsu as the sacrifice?” Cana frowned.

“It is possible, but as I said, there are so many possibilities with this spell that there could be any reason for Gray’s memory loss.”

“All we need to do now is work out what happened…” Levy turned back to the thick book on the table in front of her.

“Are you okay Natsu?” Lucy glanced over at her friend, or where he’d been standing moments before. “Natsu!”

The conversation had been causing Natsu to feel more and more nauseous by the second, so as it moved to be more about him rather than with him he’d moved, unnoticed, to stand in the doorway to the infirmary.

For the first time in quite a while, Gray woke feeling more like himself and less infuriatingly fragile. He was home, and he knew it. He wasn’t surprised at all to see Natsu hovering in the doorway, and it didn’t take much to notice that his friend was hesitating to come in. Gray pulled his lips into a wobbly smile. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

Gray wasn’t sure why he hesitated. He tried, but honestly there wasn’t anything he could think to say. He’d caught bits and pieces of the guilds’ conversation as he’d drifted in and out of sleep, none of it good. Natsu’s expression, however, said so much more than his previous lacklustre response had conveyed.

“Natsu!” Lucy’s voice jumped them from their moment of silence. “Oh, Gray, you’re awake! You feeling alright?”

Gray hesitated. “Yeah, I’m feeling much better than I have in a while.”

“Good, because we have a way to find out what happened.”

“Really?” The boys replied in unison.

The blonde nodded. “If you’re feeling up to it, come down stairs and Rufus will explain.”

“Uhh, sure.” As Lucy left, Gray turned to Natsu, “She doesn’t realise that I can only just walk, does she?”

“I don’t think anyone really knows just how sick you were before you started getting better. Do you want to try stand? Or…” Natsu smirked, “I could carry you down bridal style?”

Gray snorted with laughter. “Yeah right. Just grab me a shirt, will you?”

Natsu frowned. _A shirt?_ This was something he’d never heard Gray say at all, but as his friend sat up slowly he knew exactly why he’d made the request. Porlyusica had refused everyone entry as she’d given Gray a check-up and taken off the last of his bandages, so up until that moment Natsu had only seen Gray either covered with bandages or wearing a shirt. Now though, Natsu could see just how bad his friend had been hurt. The shadows of large bruised covered a lot, if not nearly all his chest. His pale skin was marred with nasty, wire thin scars of varying lengths, some not completely healed. One, particularly deep one ran the length of his guild mark, slicing it through the middle. Also, without anything covering his chest Natsu could finally see just how thin Gray had become.

“Natsu?”

Natsu turned his focus to Gray’s bag he pulled out a navy t-shit and chucked it on the bed. He could feel heat rising to his cheeks as Gray slowly pulled the shirt down over his chest and swung his skinny legs out of bed. He knew Gray had noticed him staring.

All heads turned as Natsu and Gray slowly made their way down the stairs. Gray leaning heavily on Natsu. Lucy was just beginning to think this was probably too early to even consider doing what they were about to do when Gray offered the group a shaky smile. “So, what do we have to do?”

“Are you sure you’re up for this?” Rufus looked concerned. The seriousness of the situation weighing on his conscious.

“I’m sure.” Gray said with determination. “But first I’ll need a seat. My legs only let me do so much right now.”

There was a bitterness to Gray’s voice which didn’t go unnoticed by Natsu as he lowered his friend onto the nearest chair before taking a seat himself. From next to Gray, he could sense his friend was panting a little. Gray’s reaction to that small amount of exertion was enough though for Natsu to doubt. “Are you sure? There is time for you to heal more before we do this, w-”

“-No!” Gray snapped, “If I am ever to remember you properly I need to do this.”

“Okay.” Rufus took a deep breath, “Natsu, I need you to move your chair to sit opposite Gray. Then we need something to bind your hands together, something to make the connection between the Natsu Gray used to know and now.”

“Your scarf.” Gray replied instantly, “For some reason you’re never wearing it in my memories from when I was imprisoned, but I’ve never seen you without it now. I always wondered after I met you for real, you always wear it.”

Natsu smiled, _perfect_.

Under instruction, with Gray’s right hand clasped in Natsu’s own, Lyon wound the scarf gently to cover their hands and left one end to hang between the pair.

“So when I cast the spell, Natsu, you will be able to walk through Gray’s memories as if you were there with him yourself. Gray, if all goes well, Natsu will be able to navigate through your mind to find the memory of what happened with Kakusareta Omoide. According to those who’ve used this spell, your consciousness will be able to interact with Natsu, and Natsu, you with it.”

“How do I get out? Or at least how will you know to release the spell after I’ve got the information we need?”

“I’ll set a code word and it’ll release the spell. Either that, or the spell will reject you itself. Sometimes the mind doesn’t like being invaded.” Rufus grimaced, “In that case Gray’s mind will do the job itself.”

“Uhhuh?” Natsu swallowed thickly, “let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”

“You ready?” Rufus raised his hands, “Code word, ‘Smoke and Mirrors’, remember that, Natsu, ‘Smoke and Mirrors’. If you say that at all, you will say it here too and I’ll be able to release the spell.”

They both nodded somewhat nervously, but at this point, neither was going to back out. They both wanted to know, needed to know.

As Rufus began to speak, Natsu instantly felt Gray’s grip tighten on his hands, so he offered him an encouraging smile. _We’ll be fine, I promise_. Moments later it felt as if he was being tugged backwards away from Gray but he held on tight, straining against the force. Then as quickly as the sensation had begun, it stopped and Natsu was blinking in the evening sunlight watching a scene which was very familiar to him. Next to him, sitting on top of the hill was Gray. His friend watched the scene before them with a wistful, almost sad expression, but it was the smile which lit up Gray’s face as he turned to Natsu which almost made him forget what he was doing in this avenue of his friends’ mind.

“You know I’ve always missed this lake? After it dried up and we’d long grown up too. Even though we’d still come here, it feels different somehow.” Gray mused as he watched the younger version of himself down by the bank of where the river used to be.

Natsu nodded. Despite the comfort the moment gave him, Natsu wondered why he was here, of all the memories Gray’s mind had conjured for them, why this one? He watched as a slightly younger looking version of Gray fought with himself at the same age. There seemed to be no end to how many punches they could take. With there being no difference to the number of insults which bounced between the pair as well. Eventually they fell to the earthy ground. Shaking, giddy on the verge of laughter. Both panting profusely.

Natsu knew exactly what the younger version of himself was going to say next. Mouthing the words along with Gray who was doing exactly the same.

“This won’t ever change, right?”

Natsu thought back to that time on the riverbank. In truth, neither were much younger than they were now. This fight had been about a week before the job they’d taken where Gray had disappeared. Natsu felt a lump rise in his throat as he heard young Gray’s response for what felt like the hundredth time. A year after Gray had disappeared, and only a few months since finding him without his memories, the younger Gray’s response felt more like like a punch to the gut than the reassurance it usually was.

“After all we’ve been through, Natsu, all we know about each other…there isn’t much else that can change this. Not in my eyes anyway. We’re going to be doing this for a very long time.”


	18. Seventeen - Gray

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this chapter is pretty heavy emotion wise so be warned. I hope it works, I have reworked this chapter quite a bit. Thank you so much for all your support and love, it really is appreciated, I am so glad you guys are enjoying this!
> 
> Anywho, enjoy :)

**" _Deep in my heart, deep in my mind, take me away, take me away_."  
\- Smoke and Mirrors, Imagine Dragons**

“Why’d you choose ‘Smoke and Mirrors’ as the code word?” Cana asked Rufus as she watched the pair intently. Both Gray and Natsu’s expressions had glazed over, their eyes closed gently.

“Hmm?” Rufus looked up, “Oh, that? It’s a saying I heard somewhere. Means something along the lines of concealing the truth of a situation. Ironic huh?”

Loke chuckled. “How long will this take?”

“No clue. Depends on where Natsu landed in Gray’s mind.” Rufus began tidying the books scattered over the table. “Who knows which memories he’s wandering through.”

“So you couldn’t have directed Natsu in any way? Made sure he reached at least the right set of memories?” Lucy asked.

“The mind doesn’t work that simply.” Levy answered with a sad smile. “We’ll just have to wait and hope for the best.”

Rufus nodded.

“I wonder where he is now.”

– o – o – o –

Though the darkness hadn’t receded to the edges of his vison like last time, Natsu could feel that he was standing against a brick wall. Though he knew it was a memory, the cold which seeped through his shirt felt very, very real. He was about to speak when a familiar voice broke the silence.

“Natsu?”

It was as if there was some sort of force telling Natsu exactly what to say. “It’s alright, Snowflake, I’m here.” He could sense Gray in the darkness but couldn’t see him. _What I couldn’t give for some light right now!_

“Why can’t I see you?”

“You can. You have the control here.”

Moments later the room filled with light, and for some reason, to Natsu it seemed like the light was emanating from himself. Between where he and Gray stood lay still body of Gray from the memory.

_This must have been where they kept him…but why am I here? The trip to that one river side memory was one thing, but this, this isn’t what I need…_

 “I’m dreaming, aren’t I?”

“If you want to call it that.” Natsu replied calmly though he was on the verge of panic himself.

“…but that _is_ the real me?” Gray prompted.

 _I assume so._ “Uh huh!” Natsu replied in a matter of fact tone, “You look a little worse for wear, don’t you?” He chuckled. The quip had come to him despite the situation, though he wasn’t sure why, there was nothing about it which was good _or_ funny.

“Shuddup!” Gray snapped back.

“He wouldn’t have wanted you to end up like this.” _I didn’t want you to end up like this._ Natsu gestured at Gray’s prone body between them.

“Aren’t you him?”

The hope in Gray’s tone made Natsu’s heart clench. Then as quickly as he found himself in the memory in the first place, he was sucked back into the darkness. When the darkness subsided Natsu was leaning against the wall of Gray’s cell again, this time though, he was sitting.

Natsu flashed Gray his signature grin. “Long time no see…” Though it was mere seconds since Natsu had seen Gray, Gray looked thinner, and the number of bruises and cuts had increased since last time. It felt like the right thing to say.

Gray rolled his eyes. “You have _no_ idea.”

Natsu glanced at Gray’s body on the ground in front of him. Something about the sheepish look on Gray’s face told him that him being here, back in his consciousness was in anyway an accident. The still full food plate sat in the corner of the room. “... _that_ was, and is an extremely dangerous way to get me here.”

“Nahh,” Gray shrugged, “I’ll be fine, they aren’t going to let me die, not while I still have the information they want.”

“Who knows if they are even equipped to save you?” Natsu retorted worriedly. _Did you really do this Gray? I knew you were an idiot, but this is taking it to a new level of stupid!_

“Natsu. They won’t let me die.” Gray retorted pointedly.

Knowing that this was only a memory, and that there was no way to change what had happened now, Natsu sighed. “Suit yourself, I-”

“Shush!” Gray whispered, “listen…”

Natsu did listen. The conversation going on in the hall told Natsu everything they’d already concluded about the initial cause of Gray’s memory loss. Then as the sound of footsteps drew closer the darkness tugged at Natsu’s vision once again. When the light came back to him Natsu was sitting on the far wall from Gray. The latter was staring right at him but this time he seemed to be staring through him, like he didn’t see him at all.

“From what I know of the Kakusareta Omoide, once it has been cast I will be able hijack it to my own advantage. Instead of them being able to take the information I have on E.N.D., I will force Natsu and E.N.D. from my mind. Lock him away for good.”

The guilt and pain in Gray’s expression mirrored Natsu’s own feelings in that moment.

_He forgot me to save me._

Natsu had had his suspicions since he’d worked out the connection between Gray’s experience and E.N.D., he’d just never wanted to truly accept it. It meant Gray’s words were less of a surprise, but that didn’t make the metaphorical punch to the gut any less painful. Knowing the truth was one thing, but seeing the lengths that Gray went to protect him, hearing those words in Gray’s voice, it was more than he wanted to deal with.

“If it will save Natsu, I’ll do it. Even if I’ll forget his existence. Anything is better than the alternative of them finding him. Of them making me hurt him”

Within second of Gray finishing his words Natsu felt a slight shift in his surroundings. Though he stayed in the same place, Gray slumped against the wall, while another Gray appeared. _Another memory._

“You know this plan of yours is very stupid?” Natsu stared at Gray incredulously.

“Is that really the first thing you’re going to say to me?” Gray chuckled.

“It is!” Natsu replied defiantly. _You deserve it._

“…but I get to see you again!”

Natsu could see in Gray’s eyes he knew what he was doing to himself was wrong. “Even for that, look at yourself Gray. You’re as thin as a rake, you are, if possible, paler than usual and don’t even get me started on your injuries!” Natsu swallowed, “You could _die_ if you keep this up. Anyway, as stupid as it is, I wasn’t talking about _that_ one.”

“Ohh…”

“You’re really thinking of doing it, aren’t you?”

“As far as exit plans though it’s as good as it’s gonna get. I don’t have the physical strength to break out, so using Kakusareta Omoide to my advantage is the best option we have. My mental strength is what’s kept me alive so far. _That_ , and Natsu, and you.”

Natsu waited with baited breath as Gray opened his mouth to speak again.

“I’ve known you too long now to believe my fantasy that you are really _him_.”

Natsu felt a jolt deep in his stomach. _I am him!_ Natsu wished he could yell, but instead replied with a nod, “I see your logic.” He didn’t confirm or deny Gray’s theory. There was no point, he’d never have believed him in a million years. Natsu sighed, he knew what he was going to say next. “Do you really think that they will just let you go once you are no longer useful? They are more likely to kill you then let you go once you’ve served your purpose, or failed to do so.”

Gray ran his hands back through his hair, the pure panic Natsu saw in that small action scared him. “Ughhh! I need to get out! I need to see him again, I need to see all of them.”

“We know the why Gray! What about the how?” Natsu prompted. “I know you have a plan, but have you really thought through _how_ you are going to hijack the spell?”

“I don’t know!”

Natsu waited in silence. Praying that Gray had a better answer than that.

“I. Don’t. Know!” Gray put his hands to his face, the pads of his palms pressing against his eyes. “I don’t know…” his voice was barely a whisper now, “…but I need to get out of here.”

“You do.”

“Natsu! I’m stuck in my own head talking to some crazy part of my consciousness which is masquerading as my best friend. Judging by your choice of Natsu, right now it seems my mind is the only part of me strong enough to keep me going – hijacking the Kakusareta Omoide spell is the best option we’ve got.”

“I understand that Gray but once you’ve put the first part of your grand plan into action…what then? How will you get out?” Natsu stared intently at Gray. “Once they work out that you’ve tampered with the spell to your own advantage there will be no use for you. After nearly a year of containment and torture, do you really think they’ll just let you go?”

“They will. Killing me won’t serve any purpose apart from them having a body on their hands. It will be easier and cleaner for them to let me go.”

“Fine.” _What!?_ Natsu couldn’t believe what he’d just said.

“Will you help me though? I won’t be able to rework that spell without your help.”

Natsu swallowed. He was going to say it anyway, or at least his voice would. He knew now that this charade was all a part of Gray’s mind trying to keep him sane. He was just watching the scene through the eyes of Gray’s concerned consciousness. “Of course.”

“Thank you.”

“If you see him again…” Natsu whispered sadly, _you won’t know who I am_.

“I know.” Guilt tugged at Gray’s chest as he glanced up at Natsu. “You’re crying, Natsu.”

“So are you.”                                                                                

As he was sucked back into the darkness, tears continued to leak from Natsu’s eyes. Though he had always known deep down the reason that Gray had been taken from them and the reasons for the broken shell of a man who returned. It had taken until now for him to realise just how much Gray really cared about him, and in that way, possibly, just how much he cared about Gray too.

Natsu wiped the tears from his cheeks as he landed back in the cell. This time standing opposite Gray, with the memory Gray lying motionless between them.

“I still think you’re crazy!”

Gray shot Natsu a glare.

It was such a _Gray_ thing to do that Natsu almost laughed. “You know how the Kakusareta Omoide spell works.”

Gray nodded. “Yeah, for them to get my memories they need to replace them with something else. I shudder to think.”

“For you to reverse the spell though…to lock away those memories.” Natsu prompted. Gray needed to say it himself.

“I need to sacrifice something. To lose something important to me.” Gray never brought his gaze from Natsu’s face. “Good news is, the spell chooses for you.”

“Good? I wouldn’t call that good! There’s no telling what it will take!” Fear laced Natsu’s voice. “It could backfire on you so easily. Any doubt in the process of trying to counter the Kakusareta Omoide spell could take more than just Natsu from you, or worse...”

“There is not much else I can do. Not much else that matters to me to lose though. Not now.”

To this, Natsu stayed silent. Though he wanted to scream at his friend, to shout. _Your life Gray, your whole life!_

“I can’t let them find out about Natsu. I can’t let them find out that he is E.N.D.. Them knowing I’m an Ice Demon Slayer is bad enough.”

“It gives them all the more reason to find out the truth about who E.N.D. really is. Especially as you’re the only one who can kill E.N.D. apart from Zeref of course.”

“All the more reason for me to forget him all together. What I don’t know they can’t make me use against him.”

“I know, but you’re taking a huge risk!”

“For him.” Gray mumbled through the hands he’d clasped to his face. “It’s worth it.”

“If this works you won’t even know who he is!”

“That’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make if it will save his life!” Gray yelled, his breath coming in uneven, panicked pants.

“Will he forgive you for it though?” Natsu knew it was the wrong thing to say before the words had left his lips. He knew they weren’t really _his_ words, but here, coming from something that looked like him, knowing how Gray would take the comment, it was worse. His fears were confirmed, as Gray, with slouched shoulders and his head low, sank to his knees. Violent sobs wracking his thin frame.

Natsu didn’t get to see how the memory ended as he was tugged roughly back into the darkness. He needed more, all this had proved so far was just how much Gray was willing to sacrifice for him. That fact, something he knew very well already.

As the light illuminated a different, much cleaner, environment Natsu felt sick to the stomach. This time he wasn’t watching the scene as himself.

_This must be a physical memory, not just a memory of something his mind fabricated to keep him sane._

Natsu stared up into the beady black eyes of a beefy man with thick arms and an even thicker neck. He could feel as deep rooted fear crept up his spine and back down again before settling somewhere in his stomach. Through that fear, however, Natsu could feel something much worse. Something which Natsu himself dreaded he’d feel in Gray’s mind. Especially given where he sat, looking up at Gray’s captor through his friends’ own eyes.

The sheer determination he could feel thudding in Gray’s heart was enough to make him want to yell ‘Smoke and Mirrors’ right then and there.

He didn’t want to experience it. He didn’t want to feel each lash of the whip, he didn’t want to feel the punches on already bruised and aching skin. Natsu didn’t want to. Not just because of the pain, but because of the question that suffering would shake to the surface.

_Maybe Gray did tell them everything after all?_

In that moment, after the whip came down over Gray’s guild mark and his friend’s agonised screams filled his ears, Natsu knew he wouldn’t have blamed Gray if he had.


	19. Eighteen - Natsu

**“ _All that I've known, buildings of stone, fall to the ground, without a sound_.”  
\- Smoke and Mirrors, Imagine Dragons**

Wendy knelt in front of where Gray and Natsu still sat, while behind her Rufus had begun to pace. Luckily for him, once cast, the spell only drained the physical and emotional energy of Natsu and Gray. Otherwise he'd be exhausted by now. It had been almost half an hour and there had been no movement until now.

Wendy frowned at the small shift in both Gray and Natsu’s expressions. “I think something’s wrong,” she said, worry lacing her voice, “Natsu looks like he’s in pain.” She was certainly right. Natsu’s brows were creased firmly, and his jaw had tensed, while his grip on Gray’s hands seemed to have tightened.

To the relief of most of the group, Rufus stopped his pacing. “He may well be.” Though he sounded blatantly relaxed it was easy to tell his lack of concern was for the right reasons.

“Can’t we do something?” Lucy demanded.

“From here, sadly not,” Rufus answered steadily.

“Hmpf.” Lucy crossed her arms. She was about to continue but a loud knock on the front door of the guild hall drew everyone’s attention.

“Hey,” A familiar voice said, “It’s Matt. I’m just coming to check up on Gray. I have some family who live in the area and I was coming to visit so I thought I’d drop in and see how he’s doing.”

 _Matt?_ It took Lyon a moment before it all clicked, “Oh, Matt, of course!” He watched as the nurse approached. Sensing something wasn’t quite right, he placed himself between Matt and the pair seated in the centre of the room.

“Lovely to see you again.” Erza grinned, “will you be here long?”

“Just until some family business has been sorted, but I’m only _here_ to check on Gray, I don’t have much time.” He glanced around, “Where is Gray anyway?”

“He’s here.” Lyon stepped reluctantly to the side again. “We’re trying to work out exactly how Natsu was taken from Gray’s mind. We hope it will shed some light on how to get Gray’s memory back.” _If that is possible at all._

“Anything yet?”

“Not quite,” Loke mused, “but time will tell.”

“Oh. Well, I hope you work something out soon.”

“You’re not the only one.” Cana spoke up, “it’s damn quite around here without those two causing a scuffle.”

Matt grinned. “Okay, I better head off. If you find out something you can give me a call at the Magnolia Inn.”

Erza’s head snapped up, a frown creasing her eyebrows. “The Inn? I thought you were here visiting family.”

“Huh?” Matt’s breath caught in his throat, as the silence settled between him and Erza. “Ohh. Not enough room at my cousins’ apartment. Plus, you know, family gatherings…” He let out a sharp chuckle, “they get loud.”

“You can say _that_ again.”

Matt nodded his head, grinned, then turned and left with a wave.

“Who was that?” Sting had stayed uncharacteristically silent throughout the whole conversation.

“Oh, him?” Loke replied. “That was Matt, Gray’s nurse from the hospital in Gladiolus.”

“Nurse?” Rogue repeated, “I didn’t know nurses made house calls like that.”

Lyon nodded in agreement. He was about to speak but a sharp intake of breath then a sob from behind him brought his attention back to Natsu and Gray. As Gray let out another sob, tears began to leak out from beneath his closed eyelids.

“Gray?” Juvia whispered, staring wide eyed at her friend.

At this point Natsu was dry eyed, but it wasn’t long before he had tears rolling down his cheeks too. Then suddenly the pair began to shake. The scarf shifting over their clasped hands as they gripped each other’s hands tighter still.

“Shit!” Loke cried out, “What the hell is going on in there?”

“There is no way of knowing, not until they ask to be broken out of the spell. If I release them now and they are in the middle of a memory it will be very painful for them to come back to reality.”

“But–”

“–There is no telling when Natsu is in memory limbo, and that is the safest time for him to be forcibly removed from Gray’s mind.”

“What!” Juvia snapped, a fearful look in her eyes.

“If Natsu says the code word in the middle of a memory it breaks the spell on his end and I can safely release the sp–”

“–Smoke and mirrors” Natsu spoke in a broken whisper. Turning every head in the room.

– o – o – o –

Natsu let out a cry of pain as the magically charged whip came down upon his, well, Gray’s bare chest again. _How did he endure this? Why didn’t he just tell them?_

“I hope you're ready to talk now." The beefy man –  whom Natsu now knew as Giganto – snapped. “You've been here three months, most would have cracked by now. So why haven't you?"

"I'm surprised you're still trying.” Natsu shot the man a glare. “I won't tell you a thing." As the words left his lips Natsu’s stomach sunk. He knew that resolve very well.

"You  _will_  tell us!" Giganto spat the words out, "Who is E.N.D.?"

"NO!"

As he took another hit from the whip, Natsu felt the skin over Gray’s guild mark tear and beads of blood leaked onto his pale chest. _Shit._ Natsu grit his teeth in pain but as the burn flared on his skin again he couldn’t help but yell in pain. Panting now, he glared up at Giganto. “You bastard! I won't tell you anything!" _Gray no!_

"No, we know you will!" Giganto smirked, "no one can hold out like this forever."

"Well you're about to be proved wrong." Natsu couldn’t help the small smirk, _that’s the Gray I know,_ it didn’t last long as another lash from the whip pulled a strangled yell of pain from his lips.

"Who and where is E.N.D.?" Giganto yelled.

"I. Won't. Tell. You. Wha- whatever you do to me I will not say a word." _How much more of this did he have to deal with?_

A momentary silence settled before Giganto broke it with a dark chuckle. "You don't just know who E.N.D. is, you  _know_  E.N.D. personally. More than that, you care." He sneered, "Anyone who doesn't know this demon personally would have cracked by now. No one can endure this much for someone they don't even know."

"I can."

Though Natsu had known the truth deep down, he could feel Gray’s despair as it settled in his stomach. All of it, everything Gray had endured over that year had been because of how much he cared. Feeling that fear of somehow telling them the information they needed, Natsu was sure of just how little they believed him. Gray had felt it too. If anything, the look on Giganto’s face said it all as he turned and slammed the door behind him.

Natsu didn’t have much time to collect his thoughts as moments later he felt his skin begin to tingle, then sting, then a dull ache flooded his whole body. It wasn’t exactly painful, but it annoyed him, more and more as the feeling refused to subside. Then as the ache began to radiate throughout his body, it worsened until it felt like he was burning inside and out. A feeling quite alien to Natsu. Then as a bolt of magically fuelled fire flooded his already weakened body Natsu yelled out in pain. Blacking out entirely. At this point he was in so much pain he wasn’t sure if it was that or the memory spell pulling him into the darkness.

Natsu was still shaking as a dull light filled his vision and he found himself back inside Gray’s cell. He watched as Gray curled in on himself. _I’m so sorry my friend, I put you through this. I wish I could have got you out of here earlier. I really am so sorry._ “This is all my fault.”

Natsu spun round as the cell door opened behind him and two men barged in. They grabbed Gray under the arms and half marched, half dragged him from the room. Natsu followed with a sinking feeling in his stomach. He knew what was about to happen, he could feel the finality of the whole situation. As they walked towards the brightly lit room, the corridor felt much longer than it probably was.

As the door slammed shut behind him, Natsu watched helplessly as Gray was chained to the chair in the centre of the room.

Natsu said the only thing he could think of. Though he knew it was no use. “You sure about this?”

Natsu felt his heart clench as Gray looked up straight into his eyes, “I’m sure.” There was something in his expression, sadness, or maybe even guilt. Either way, Natsu never wanted to see that look on his friend’s face again.

“I’m going to give you one last chance Fullbuster. Tell me who E.N.D. is and we won’t have to do this.” Giganto growled.

_Please Gray, just tell them the truth. I can deal with them, trust me._

“Fuck you.”

Natsu didn’t want to watch but he couldn’t seem to draw his eyes away. It was as if his vision was locked directly on Gray, he could only listen as a disembodied but strangely familiar voice started to work the Kakusareta Omoide spell. Then as the light surrounding Gray began to grow, the mage began to mutter under his breath. It wasn’t long before the light began to fade. At the same time, Natsu felt as if he was being pulled backwards from the room.

_No. Please, no._

“What's he doing?” Giganto’s voice sounded panicked. 

“He’s hijacking the spell!” The caster replied, his voice laced with confusion.

“How is that even possible?”

“It shouldn’t be, not for him, not with how weak he is right now.”

“But he is, so do something!” Giganto spat the words out.

The nameless man continued to speak, but it was now in a completely different tone. This spell sounded more aggressive, forceful. When he stopped speaking, Natsu could hear he was panting from the exertion.

“Did you stop him?” Giganto asked him. The man looked familiar to Natsu, but in his distress he couldn’t quite pick as to why.

“No, but I did manage to do something.”

As Natsu listened to the young wizard as he explained what he’d done to Gray, he felt his stomach sink. There was nothing he could do now, not without putting Gray in more of a difficult position than he already was.

Silence settled over the room as if no one quite knew what to do.

Natsu could feel an emptiness spreading throughout his chest, starting from where Gray’s guild mark would have sat. He knew then, that though he was no longer ‘Gray’ those feelings _were_ Gray’s. Fear mixed horribly with sadness, it settled in his stomach. Natsu still couldn’t seem to shake a feeling of deep rooted guilt. _You’re still thinking about everyone else, Gray. Even now, even when you’re the one in trouble._

Gray – and now Natsu – knew that this would be the last time he would know who Natsu was. There was only one thing Gray could think of which would maybe stay beyond the spell. “Smile for me, Natsu, please...”

Gray’s shaking voice brought Natsu from his thoughts. _I didn’t know you could see me here._ His stomach clenched. _How can I smile now?_ But as he looked as his friend, and felt _his_ fear, _his_ sadness, Natsu knew he had to. So through his tears Natsu pulled his face into a wide grin.

Gray smiled. A sad, broken smile. “Thank you, my friend. Goodbye…Natsu.”

Fighting the urge to be sick Natsu forced himself to keep watching as his friend’s eyes glazed over and seemed to stare right through him. Natsu knew Gray couldn’t recognise him now.

There was nothing else they needed to know. Nothing at all. With a deep breath, Natsu tried to steady his voice, and this time, he knew these were his own words.

“Sm– smoke and mirrors.”

– o – o – o –

A massive flair of white light filled the room as Rufus countered the spell. As the light cleared it was easy to see the boys were definitely not alright. Natsu’s breaths came in ragged pants as he stared at the ground while tears dripped off his nose, soaking into the thick scarf wrapped around his shaking hands. Violent sobs wracked Gray’s frame, his face turning a sickly, ashen colour.

The scarf slowly unravelled and fell to the floor between them.

In that moment, Gray stood. His shaking legs only just carrying his weight. His chair hit the wooden floorboards with a crack making Natsu jump. It wasn’t until Gray was out of the Guild Hall that he doubled over. Bile rising in his throat he crashed to his knees in the gravel driveway. Shaking, tears still damp on his cheeks, Gray didn’t even move when Lyon put a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“I saw it all too. Everything that Natsu saw, I watched it all through the eyes of my own consciousness.”

“What do you mean?” Lyon whispered, not quite sure what to do.

“I– I remember now. What happened to me in that place they took me to. I understand _why_ they took _me_ , any one of us could have known the identity of the demon E.N.D..”

 “…but that doesn’t explain–”

“Their end game was always to kill E.N.D., and they knew they couldn't kill it themselves, but they knew I could. That’s why they took me.”

“Ohh.” Lyon had no words. Just more questions. First, _how did they know about Gray’s Demon Slaying Magic?_

“It wasn’t long before they realised I was protecting someone I knew. So when they saw I was hijacking the Kakusareta Omoide spell they put in a fail-safe.” Gray swallowed, “He guessed that either I would, or someone else would want to bring back my memories, and he used it against me.”

Lyon knelt down in front of Gray. “Gray, what did they do?” Panic was rising in his throat. When he’d run after Gray, Natsu hadn’t yet spoken a word and was just staring blankly at the floor of the guild hall. So whatever he was about to hear it couldn’t be good.

“If we bring back my memories…” Gray brought his eyes up to meet Lyon’s. “If we bring them back I won’t just find out who Natsu is to me. They put part two of their plan into action without knowing who E.N.D. actually is because they guessed I knew E.N.D. personally.”

“Spit it out Gray!”

“If I get my memories back I _will_ try and kill the demon E.N.D., and I won’t be able to stop trying until I have done so.”


	20. Nineteen - Lexer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the new chapter, this was a difficult one to write - mainly the conversation between Natsu and Gray, so I hope it works well. Thank you so much for all your support and reviews on the last chapter, I was very nervous about dropping that bombshell(?) but it seems most of you are doing okay *nervous laughter*.
> 
> Enjoy!

**" _All these sorrows I have seen, they lead me to believe, that everything's a mess_."  
\- Dream, Imagine Dragons**

“They what?” Erza voiced what was on everyone’s minds.

Lyon had just finished explaining what Gray had told him. Natsu hadn’t said a word since he had returned from Gray’s mind and was now curled in the foetal position in one of the infirmary beds. Wendy had put them both under a strong sleeping spell to be on the safe side. The side effects from what Rufus had done were not well documented.

“That’s horrible!” Lucy couldn’t help the tears as she glanced up at the open infirmary door.

“It is,” Loke pondered, “…and worse than that, we’ll need to think of a plan B for what to do about those two.”

“There’s something else too.” Freed spoke up. The Raijinshū had just arrived back to the chaos which had just occurred. “On our way back there were whispers of a dark guild having arrived on the outskirts of Magnolia.”

“I wonder if… The ones who took Gray?” Sting questioned.

“They couldn’t be following Gray could they?” Juvia added.

“Look at what they did to him.” Lyon spat the words out hatefully. “I wouldn’t be surprised if they _were_ tracking him.”

“One more thing,” Bixlow grimaced, “and it’s only going to add to our list of problems, but, it’s Gray’s soul. I can’t sense his magic power there at all.”

“What do you mean?”

“Gray no longer has his link to his magic.” He turned to Lucy. “Remember when you and Gray, Natsu and Loke, and Happy and Erza swapped bodies? Natsu said that he couldn’t feel any magic in Loke, and this was way before we knew he was a celestial spirit. It’s something like that, I can sense that Gray no longer has a connection to his magic. It’s that same ‘nothing’ that Natsu described.”

“Shit.”

Gajeel glanced up in surprise, he’d never heard Levy swear before.

“Now that we know for sure that Kakusareta Omoide was the spell used, I know what must have been taken as the sacrifice.”

“Gray’s magic.” Lyon whispered.

“He sacrificed the connection to his magic to keep Natsu safe.” Erza gasped.

Rufus nodded. “We can assume that is the cause. It is no mean feat to take a mages magic from them, but the sacrifice from a spell like that definitely would.”

“That may have solved one problem then.”

When everyone turned to Cana it was a surprise to see that she was grinning.

“If he doesn’t have his magic he can’t kill Natsu, right?”

The collective glare she received from Erza and Lyon was enough to tell the brunette that it may have been a little early for that sort of comment, no matter how much truth it held.

“Remember though when we visited Gray in hospital and he said that it kept getting colder in his room at odd times?” Wendy thought aloud.

“Yeah, he thought it was the air-con…” Lyon grinned. “I didn’t notice it.”

“You wouldn’t though,” Lucy piped up, “like Gray used to. But now he notices the cold not only because he’s weakened but also because he’s lost the connection to his magical power?”

“Not quite. We don’t feel the cold because of our training not because of our power, though we do need to not feel the cold to be able to comfortably wield ice.”

“Makes sense.” Erza frowned. “So, do you think that it’s possible that it was just that Gray was weakened which caused the odd cold spots?”

“That’s definitely a lot of the reason, but I have a feeling the cold snap occurred when he was emotional–”

“–So his instinctual magic was leaking through!” Juvia cut in excitedly.

Bixlow shook his head. “There is no magic that I can sense, but it is possible that there is still an almost invisible thread of connection.”

“Then that is all we need.”

“Huh?” Everyone turned towards Lyon.

“Well, we may not be able to bring back his memories completely, but I may as well try and help him get things as close to normal as possible. If I can help him to feel more like himself then that’s better than nothing, right?”

No one seemed to know what to say, or even where to start. Their problem list had just doubled, and there was no fixing one problem without another problem arising. One thing they all knew though, was that without Gray and Natsu conscious as well as coherent there was nothing they could do, and they couldn’t even make any decisions regarding their situation either.

It was Gray who broke the silence as a devastated yell turned every head in the room towards the infirmary. For the Dragon Slayers in the room, they could later make out the words “Natsu”, “no” and “I didn’t mean to”.

“I thought you said you’d put them into a dreamless sleep.” Lucy asked.

Panic flitted across Wendy’s face. “I thought I had.’

Lyon had already made it up the stairs before anyone else had even reacted.

– o – o – o –

_Blood. So much blood._

Gray wasn’t sure what was going on. He was in pain. He knew that much, but it didn’t feel right.

_Blood. So much blood._

_Not my blood. Can’t be. It’s on me, but I’m not physically hurt._

_Blood. So much blood._

_So then why do I hurt so much?_

A flash of unmistakable pink caught his eye amongst the red.

“Natsu?”

No reply.

“Natsu!”

_Blood. So much blood. Blood on my hands._

“No. I didn’t mean to.”

_Blood. So much blood._

“What have I done?”

It was Lyon’s frantic voice which woke him. Pulling him into a much less blood soaked reality. His eyes flitted to the bed next to him where Natsu still lay with his back to him. His stomach clenched as he remembered which memories Rufus’s spell had taken them through.

  _Natsu saw all that too. Didn’t he? All those memories…_

It was little comfort that Natsu knew too. He sat up, staring at his hands which lay face up in his lap. _There was so much blood._ Now back in reality, his hands were clean, but for how long they’d stay that way he wasn’t sure. Gray still wanted to remember who Natsu was to him, but at what cost? To know him but never be able to see him again? That was something Gray couldn’t bear to think about.

“Gray!”

“Huh?” He hadn’t realised he’d zoned out.

“Are you alright?”

Gray rose an eyebrow, staring at Lyon with an air of incredulous annoyance. _What do you think?_ “I’m fine.”

It was Lyon’s turn to frown.

It was Natsu, however, who spoke first. “Really Gray? I honestly don’t believe you.” He also sat up. Rubbing an arm over his eyes, he continued. “I would be very surprised if you _were_ okay after what we just saw.”

Gray stayed silent.

“Now I need to talk to Gray,” he glanced over at his friend, “in private.”

“Wha–”

Lyon was about to protest but Erza shot him a glare as if to say ‘this, at this point anyway, this is none of our business’. It worked. Lyon led the rest of the guild back down the infirmary stairs.

“Are you sure it’s a good idea to leave them alone?” Wendy pondered aloud.

“I’m sure.” Erza smiled, “They need to do this. They know exactly what the problem is and it is only them who can make a decision on it.”

“But–”

“Lucy don’t.” Loke spoke quietly, but it was enough to draw the celestial mage’s attention. “They need to do this.”

Back in the infirmary, Gray had turn his whole body on the bed to face Natsu who’d done the same.

“So.” They spoke in unison, but the following silence was painful.

“I– I’m so sorry, Gray, it’s all my f–”

“–Don’t!”

Natsu glanced up from his interlocked fingers in shock.

“Don’t say that!” Gray repeated. “You can’t see that, not after what we both saw. Yes, you may be a _part_ of the reason I was taken, but it is in no way entirely _your_ fault.”

“But–”

“–But nothing! Did you not see the same thing I did? I chose to go through all that to protect you, and I don’t give a shit if you think you could have taken them, because I get the impression that it would have been me they sent after you. He didn’t– no, I didn’t want to go through that, I still don’t. I must have worked out the second part of their plan, so I refused to speak so I wouldn’t be forced to kill you. So you don’t have to apologise, neither of us do. It is what it is. There is no changing that, and we _will_ work something out. I promise you that much.”

Natsu nodded. Caught in Gray’s defiant stare, it was almost like how Gray had looked at him before. The subtle yet not so subtle annoyance, the intense look in Gray’s eyes which Natsu couldn’t quite bring himself to break away from.

“I want to remember you but I don’t want to hurt you, at all. I also don’t want to throw away what I went through to protect you. It would just land me in the situation I am sure I was trying to avoid in the first place.”

Natsu sighed. Gray was right, there was no sound way to fix things without making things worse, but he wanted Gray to look at him the way he used to. There was something missing, something he knew had always been there but it its absence, Natsu was only realising it now. _I want it back._ “I don’t care about the consequences I want you to remember me! You went through all that to keep me safe but I can’t help but want things back to normal.”

“Are you sure? I don’t know what form this urge to kill you will take, and I _don’t_ want to kill you. I may have wanted to kill E.N.D. once, but knowing that it is you. There is no way I can. Not anymore.”

Natsu glanced up. Doing his best to hide his shock. Those were nearly the exact words Gray had said to him about two years ago when having a very similar conversation. Natsu shook his head. _What am I doing!? Gray went through hell and back trying to protect you. Screw dumping that aside for selfish reasons like this!_ “Wait!”

“Huh?”

“Maybe…” he took a deep breath, “maybe we just _don’t_ try to bring back your memories?”

“We, _don’t_?” Gray frowned, “that’s not what you were saying moments ago…”

“I know, but what you said before, you’re right. You went through hell to protect me, I don’t want to just throw that away.”

“Ughhh!” Gray thrust his head into his open palms. “I want to know who you were to me!”

Natsu leant forward, easing his hand over one of Gray’s. “I want you to know too but there is no safe way to do this. I can’t put you in that sort of situation again, who knows what it will do to you.”

“I don’t care!”

“But _I_ do!” Natsu cried out.

Gray looked up, tears damp on his cheeks. “I just want to know you. For me to do all that for someone, I want to know _why_. I want to feel those feeling again.”

“You know who I am now. Is that not enough?”

Gray didn’t have to reply.

They both knew that it wasn’t enough at all, but they also knew that it may just have to do. That was the part which hurt the most.

– o – o – o –

“They still haven’t worked out what we did to Gray. Our plan is working out, Master.”

“Are you sure?” Kain pressed the younger guild member.

“They were in the process of finding out what Gray went through with us. So they’ll know soon enough, but–”

“They’ll know about the failsafe too then.” Fae growled, she shot a glare at her brother. “If they know about the failsafe you put in, then they won’t try bring the Demon Slayer’s memories back. The whole plan’s finished because _you_ couldn’t control the sp–”

“You know what though? I saw the way that pink haired guy was around the Demon Slayer,” he smirked. “I think they’ll try reverse my spell anyway. Natsu wants to be remembered, and Gray wants to remember him. They’ll think of something.”

“It’s quite sweet really.” Fae thought aloud, but soon regretted it as her brother spat out a sharp reply.

“ _Sickeningly_ sweet. What I’ve had to deal with, I–”

“Yes, _Brother_ , we all know what you had to deal with, but you were the only one qualified.” She gave him a shove, her face settling in a stony glare. “At least you didn’t have to work in the kitchens.”

Kain rose an eyebrow. “Shut it will you, you two. I’m beginning to question why I let you join this guild at all.” He shook his head. “Do they still trust you, Lexer?”

“I cared for their friend for over a year, then came to check on him once he was out of hospital, of course they still trust me. Better still, I have a feeling they think I care.”

“Good.” Kain smirked, glancing round the room at the other five mages who’d been listening carefully to their conversation. “We still have a little bit of time then.”

“Yes, Master.” Matt laughed mirthlessly. “They won’t know what hit them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. The quotes which I am slowly adding to the start of each chapter are mostly from songs from a playlist of songs I made for this fic :) there are quite a few. I'm becoming really attached to the playlist, also if there any songs you guys think would work tell me in a review :)
> 
> 2\. If you have any questions about who's who in the dark guild feel free to ask and I will give you spoiler free answers! I had to make a couple of changes to earlier chapters to make way for a plot point which came out of nowhere, but also not nowhere. It just wasn't clear, as when I wrote the early chapters my plan wasn't as solid as it is now. I had plans for the ending but not so much the middle to end. (Idiocy, I know!)


	21. Twenty - Innate Magic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! We made it to chapter 20...woahh! For me, like chapter 10, the chapter 20 mark is a bit of a milestone aha (though technically this is number 21, thank you Prologue) Thank you so much for all your support in your reviews and faves/follows - I'm really enjoying writing this so the fact that you are enjoying it too is really encouraging, and just makes me really happy!  
> Anywho, I'll stop babbling now and let you read what you really came here for :P
> 
> Enjoy! :)

**“ _You can lift your head up to the sky, take a deeper breath and give it time. You can walk the path among the lines with your shattered frame of mind_.”  
\- Frame of Mind, Tristam  & Braken**

It seemed to Lucy that Gray and Natsu had an unspoken pact between them not to speak of what they had seen in Gray’s memories, or even what they had talked about afterward. They shared only the necessary points with the guild which made Lucy worry. It was no lie that Gray had been tortured, and horrifically at that, the state her friend was in was evidence enough, but there lay the problem. Now Natsu knew just how much Gray had endured for him, and with that came a whole new set of problems.

Even after he and Natsu had finished their conversation Gray had stayed up in the infirmary on the claim of wanting to rest. Though Gray didn’t like to admit it, he was still very weak. The one and only cure for that was first to rest, and then to try and build back that strength slowly so to not overwork himself. This was easier said than done. Though she knew what Gray had told them was right, Lucy knew her friend well enough to see that Gray was also avoiding the onslaught of questions he knew the guild would have.

Gallantly, Natsu had taken the front on that. He had answered their questions simply and honestly before moving onto the next one.

“Did they use Kakusareta Omoide?”

“They did but Gray hijacked the spell and managed to cut me out of his mind before they could find out the truth about me from him.”

“So that’s why he can’t remember you?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“How did he do it? How’d he hijack the spell?”

“Honestly, I’m not sure.”

“Do you know who it was?”

“No. Gray didn’t recognise them so I couldn’t either.”

“What happened to you in there? What did you see?”

That last one he had refused to answer.

Now, Natsu hadn’t moved so much as an inch for the rest of that day. He sat slumped at a table in the guild hall, all bravado gone. Though he knew it was for the best, the choice to not bring back Gray’s memories had seemingly taken something from him. Even Happy couldn’t seem to boost Natsu’s mood. The Exceed had now taken to just sitting next to Natsu at the bench, he didn’t speak at all, but just sat there with him. People moved around him carefully, as if the slightest noise or movement too close would set him off.

In truth, Natsu didn’t really want to think about it at all. He wished none of this had happened in the first place. Stupidly, he thought of Gray. Gray didn’t have the memories he did, it would be so much easier for him to move on. So much easier to just leave those memories be. He thumped his forehead on the table before leaving it to rest there.

_I just want you to look at me the way you used to._

The thought floated to the forefront of his mind without Natsu wanting it to. It brought up a question, and it wasn’t the first time it had come up. _How had Gray looked at me? What was it that had made him not knowing me such a noticeable change? We were friends, are friends, were– but that doesn’t mean I should feel like this._ Another thud, and another. He didn’t stop until he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Natsu.” Lucy’s voice reached him through his confused thoughts. “Stop it! Please.”

Natsu did. Whether it was because of the dull ache which now radiated from his forehead, or for Lucy, he wasn’t sure.

Lucy edged onto the bench next to him. “I can’t begin to understand what you are going through, Natsu. But I do know that whatever you are thinking right now won’t help.”

Natsu didn’t reply. He didn’t sit up either. Lucy sat with him, leaving her arm around him. At that point there wasn’t much more she could do. She hadn’t expected Gray and Natsu to decide to not bring back Gray’s memories. The ‘everything will be alright in the end because we’re Fairy Tail and that’s how it works’ attitude was something which Lucy had become used to, and even taken for granted. So seeing the total opposite in Natsu was something she wasn’t quite sure how to deal with.

Something she didn’t expect though was to see Gray at the top of the stairs which led down from the infirmary. Not only because of his claim of needing rest, she hadn’t thought Gray would appear until the rest of the guild, and maybe even Natsu had left. The determination in her friend’s eyes said otherwise. Like the rest of the guild, she tried not to react, but the unspoken pact they had kept so to make Gray feel as normal possible was hard to stick to. This time though, it honestly wasn’t the best choice.

– o – o – o –

Gray lay on his bed in the infirmary. The dull silence encasing him in his thoughts. Like Natsu, he’d had a feeling about what they’d see in his memories, so it wasn’t that which circled his mind. Bringing back something which his mind had filed away so neatly was bringing up so much more of his time with the dark guild. Not just memories though, there were emotions he hadn’t expected to feel, let alone be able to attribute to that time.

Amongst them, guilt was the most surprising.

It was easier for Gray to understand then that it was more than just his memories of Natsu that he’d lost that day. In hijacking the Kakusareta Omoide spell, Gray could see that either consciously or subconsciously he’d also worked to protect himself from what he’d experienced. Little by little, since Gray had been admitted to hospital, he’d been chipping away at the protection he’d placed on his mind. The spell Rufus had cast had smashed right through. Shattering his mind’s attempt to shelter what little of himself he had left. He could remember it all now. Now, he could re-live the pain, the fear, the onslaught of emotions which his torture had brought to the surface. Every little detail had come flooding back all at once.

It wouldn’t stop.

He thumped a fist down onto the bed.

_Stop! Please stop! I don’t want to see that! To feel that again…_

Gray wasn’t sure what to do. Part of him knew he needed to talk to someone, but that wasn’t something he had the energy to do. Plus the question of _who_ best to talk to didn’t help. He didn’t want to bring anyone else into this, but he knew that he had to. The one person his gut was telling him to talk to was the one he wanted to least. Natsu was difficult, Gray had seen what just seeing some of what had happened to him had done, he wasn’t about to inflict more guilt on him.

What else was there to do though? He needed to do _something_? Gray inhaled slowly, letting it fill him completely before letting that breath out through his mouth.

_This is not the time to lose it._

Gray sat up, and swinging his legs around he let his feet touch the linoleum flooring.

 _I can do this._ _I need to be able to do this by myself. If not…_

He couldn’t bring himself to finish that sentence. He felt at a loss as it was. As if, other than Natsu there was something still missing, but he couldn’t quite work it out. To not be able to make it back to some form of normality was something he didn’t want to deal with. Walking by himself was a start Gray decided he _could_ make himself.

Shaking legs carried him slowly to the door, but it was only then that he remembered the stairs. Gray made it half way down before his trembling legs caved underneath him and he fell forward. It wasn’t just the physical pain he felt as he hit the wooden steps, the helplessness which came with that was worse. He tumbled down the rest of the steps before coming to a halt at the bottom. He lay there, not able to move, his whole body quivering in shock.

_Damnit! I couldn’t even make it down the stairs._

Natsu had been up as soon as the door of the infirmary had opened. He, for one, had had no intention of keeping said pact. He was kneeling by Gray’s side in an instant, it just about the most he’d moved all day.

“Gray? Gray!”

“Wha– what?”

“What do you mean, ‘what’? What the _hell_ was that? You know you aren’t strong enough to walk by yourself yet so I’m not even sure why you tried! I– what if you’d been hurt?”

If anything, the rest of the guild was more surprised than Gray at Natsu’s outburst.

“I–” Gray sighed, “Natsu I’m fine.” The response was almost automatic. Gray knew just as well as Natsu did that he wasn’t fine at all.

“Fine? Fine! Really Gray?” Natsu banged a fist on the ground, “If I hear you say, ‘I’m fine’, again I’ll, I’ll…” Natsu didn’t finish the sentence. “Just stop, okay?”

Gray nodded. It was all he could do. His muscles seemed to have seized up in shock.

“Good.” Natsu snapped, but instantly regretted it. The look of guilt which spread over Gray’s face wasn’t what he wanted to see at all. “You are far from _fine_ Gray, no matter how much you want it to be otherwise. You’ve only been out of hospital a week.” He carefully helped Gray into a seated position, but never removed the steadying arm from behind his friend’s back.

“I know. I just, it’s so frustrating. I’m just not the same and I _hate_ it.” Gray spat the words out, tears of frustration leaking from his eyes. The room was getting colder and colder by the second as Gray’s emotional state became just as unstable as his physical one.

“Gray, I know it’s frustrating, but this will take time.”

“Time? What comfort is time? I’ve lost all control over my body, over my mind, I’m not _me_ anymore. Time will do something, but I can’t wait that long. Not when I know what I used to be like.”

“Gray, you need to calm down.” Lyon spoke gently. He’d noticed as the onlookers had begun to pull their cardigans closer despite the sunny day outside. “What innate magic you have left is rising out of control.” Lyon knew he’d done it the moment the words had left his lips. They had not yet told Gray what the spell had sacrificed, though they were sure that deep down Gray could feel it too. The spell had taken from Gray what was already weakened in him at the time.

“Wha- what?” Gray stuttered. His hands began to shake as he stared forlornly up at Lyon.

_Shit._

“My magic?” Gray tried to form a simple snowflake in his palm but nothing happened. He tried again, still nothing. He closed that same palm into a fist and thumped it onto the ground. It left him only with an aching fist and no less problems than he had before. “No. No, no, no…not that too.”

An anguished yell was torn from Gray’s lips as the room grew icy cold.

Lyon had heard of this happening. Where an elemental mage cut off from their connection to their magic in any way found a sort of inborn magic instead. The problem was though that it was very powerful, and, of course, very hard to control. It was all Lyon could do to try and keep the raw emotional magic at bay.

“What do I have left if I don’t have my memories and I don’t have my magic?” _Or Natsu._ Gray’s words were only just audible through his, dry, angry sobs. “What is the point?”

“Gray.” Lyon repeated. “You need to calm down or we are all going to freeze.”

“Can’t…”

“Yes, you, can.”

“Gray!” Natsu called out, taking his friend’s hand he let the warmth of his fire spread form that spot throughout the room. He knew how Gray was feeling. The number of times he’d set lost control while learning to use his fire, Natsu had lost count. The more annoyed at his mistakes he’d become the more his fire had raged. The same was happening here. Natsu kept the ice surrounding just him and Gray, while trying to get through to his friend.

“Gray. I’m sorry I yelled. I am. I’ve caused you stress again.  I understand that, but you need to try and calm down. Please.”

Gray drew in a deep breath. His shaking hand gripped even tighter to Natsu’s. With a nod, Gray took in another deep breath. The cold, however, still didn’t waver.

“Gray. Listen to me. You can do this. Prove to yourself that you _can_ get better. You can do this.”

“Can’t…”

“Yes you can, I know you can. You’re gonna have to or we’ll both freeze. You’re not used to the cold like you used to be, your fingertips are already turning blue.”

Natsu waited, it could have been minutes, could have been seconds, but eventually he felt the cold beginning to recede from the point where his hands touched Gray’s. Slowly but surely the chill left the air and the guild breathed a chorused sigh of relief.

At the bottom of the stairs, Gray still shook, tears still leaking from his eyes as he squeezed them shut. “I’m s- sorry…”

“It’s alright Gray, you don’t have to be.” Natsu shuffled forward, and not knowing what else to do, carefully sat Gray up again and pulled him into his arms. “It’s not your fault.” They sat like that until Gray’s breathing had evened out and the tears had finally stopped. How long that was though, Natsu wasn’t sure.


	22. Twenty-One - Difficult Questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise greatly for the wait on this chapter! :( Uni crushed me three times over and so I didn't have as much time to write as I would have liked D: Thank you so much for all your comments and support, you guys are great!
> 
> Anywho, enjoy the new chapter :) I'm interested to see what you guys think of it!

**“ _How do you fly with no wings? How do you breathe without dreams? Where do we go from here?_ ”  
\- Where do we go from here?, Ruelle**

“How long are we going to have to wait?” Fae shot a glare at her brother, who ignored it completely. “We may as well storm that pathetic guild now. I’m sure that if Fullbuster knows who and where E.N.D. is then the rest of the guild would too. Right?”

“First, if you remember what we’ve heard happened to other guilds who took on Fairy Tail, you wouldn’t call them pathetic.” Kain shut her down almost immediately. “Titania alone is a force to be reckoned with, and those Dragon Slayers, they are beyond what we have ever dealt with before.”

“…And second?”

“If we got nothing from Gray in the time we had, what do you really think would come from us just attacking the guild?” Matt sighed, “I saw how close they all were. Especially that Natsu, the way he acted around Gray after he realised what had happened with his friend’s memories, the way that they-” Matt stopped mid-sentence. His breath caught in his throat, his dark eyes widening as his mind made the connection. “Shit. Shit, shit, _shit_!”

“What?”

“How did I not realise it before?” Matt curled his hands into fists, clenching them by his sides. “Gray hijacked the spell once he worked out what we were going to do.”

“Yeah…” Giganto frowned.

“Get to the point, idiot!” Fae snapped at her brother. The rest of the guild nodded in agreement, no one else seeming to make that connection too.

“Gray deleted his own memories so that we couldn’t find out who E.N.D. is and use him against the demon but it wasn’t until Natsu turned up that I knew the extent of what Gray had done. Gray doesn’t have a clue who his _best friend_ is, so Gray must have deleted Natsu from his mind. Therefore–”

“–Natsu is E.N.D..” Fae finished for him, her annoyance evident in her tone. “What the _hell_ Matt? How did you only work this out now?”

“I told you all everything I knew, so why didn’t _you_ make the connection then?” He snapped back. “I can’t do everything around here!”

“Silence!” Kain yelled over the squabbling siblings. Shaking his head, he continued, “It doesn’t matter now, all that matters is that we can use this to our advantage.”

“The only problem is that the only person who is capable of killing that Demon currently doesn’t have the power to do so.”

“Good point Lexer.” Kain frowned.

Fae let a smug smirk twitch at her lips.

“I’m sure Fullbuster will want his power back,” Kain continued, “it’s only a matter of time before Fairy Tail yet again fixes _our_ problems while trying to fix their own.”

– o – o – o –

After Gray’s fall it had taken quite a while for Natsu to console him and manage to pull him up onto a bench. Natsu sat next to him, watching him carefully. Mira placed a mug of steaming tea in front of Gray, black with a little sugar, he smiled gratefully but didn’t reach for the mug. Instead he cast his eyes over the group, looking for someone. Finally, his gaze landed on Lyon. “Is it possible for you to teach me Ice Make Magic?”

Lyon gaped. “What?”

“Me,” Gray sniffed, “Learn magic. I _want_ things to go back to how they were before. If we can’t get my memories back then I want to find other ways to get things back to normal.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Lucy asked.

“Why wouldn’t it be?” The surprise in Gray’s tone was evident.

“No offense Gray,” Cana stated the obvious, “but you’re not exactly fit to do so. You can barely walk by yourself, let alone learn Ice Make magic.”

Gray’s face fell. The truth, in this case, was more a disappointment than anything else.

“There might be a way though.” Lyon thought aloud.

“Huh?”

“You wouldn’t exactly be able to learn magic, not yet anyway, but I _can_ suggest a way for things to reach some form of normality.”

“And!?” Natsu spoke up for the first time since they’d moved up to the bench.

“I paid the rent for your apartment while you were gone, Gray, well, we did.” Lyon gestured to the room. “Natsu knew you couldn’t be dead, something about a gut feeling which has never been wrong, so I suggested we keep the apartment. If anything I didn’t want to believe you were gone either.”

Gray didn’t quite know what to say, but he glanced at Natsu next to him. His expression was unreadable, but he could tell those were memories Natsu would much rather forget.

“I suggest Gray moves back into his apartment. It sounds almost stupid, I know, but the best way for Gray to start feeling like himself again is for him to be sleeping in his own bed.”

“Oh.” Gray looked surprised. Of all the things his adoptive brother could have said, _that_ hadn’t been what he was expecting.

There was a moment of silence, then…

“But what if he falls again?” Natsu’s voice rang loud and clear in the silence of the guild hall.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

Natsu silenced Gray with a look. Something which never usually worked.

“Good point Natsu,” Erza grinned, “but I think it is a great idea. Only if someone moves in with him.” She turned slowly to Natsu, the smile playing at her lips saying she was most likely plotting something. “I vote you.”

It was hard to tell who was more shocked by Erza’s last words. Natsu or Gray.

Natsu’s jaw dropped. Yes, he had been sleeping up in the infirmary as well to keep an eye on Gray, but _this_ , this was something entirely different. Especially with the odd relationship they were slowly building. Natsu wasn’t quite sure what living in such close proximity would do. Though he knew they wouldn’t find out unless they tried. For Gray, at this point, Natsu wanted to do anything he could to help.

Gray on the other hand nearly spat out his first mouthful of his now drinkable tea. Leaving the safety of the guild hall was one thing, and something which he hadn’t expected anyone to be on board with, but moving in with Natsu? _That_ was something entirely different. He knew though that there was no way they would let him take this step alone. Especially Natsu himself. At this point, there wasn’t anyone else he really wanted to live with.

Gray spoke first. “Would you be okay with that?” He turned to Natsu, who seemed to still be processing Erza’s suggestion.

“Okay with- well, I wouldn’t have a problem with it. As long as it’s not too weird for you…” Natsu trailed off, “plus Happy would have to come too. I can’t leave him at my place on his own.”

“Of course!” Gray looked surprised that Natsu was even agreeing in the first place.

Lucy grinned, glad to see the tension had dissolved somewhat. “That’s perfect then!”

“Can we go over now?” Gray was already sidling off the bench but he felt a strong arm link around his elbow.

“No.” Natsu rose an eyebrow, “not the best idea. After all, you did just fall down the stairs.”

“I’m fi-” Gray backtracked, “I’m only a little achy, no broken bones, no concussion. Plus you’ll come with me, right?”

Natsu couldn’t argue with that.

“It’s only a short walk anyway,” Juvia piped up, “we’ll come too!”

So it wasn’t long before Lucy, Juvia, Erza, Lyon, and Happy followed Natsu and Gray out of the guild hall, letting the pair walk ahead. It was only a short walk from where the guild hall now stood, but somewhere along the way Lyon indicated for the others to stop. He knew that Gray and Natsu needed to do this themselves. Luckily for him the pair were so absorbed in their own thoughts that they didn’t work out the others had stopped walking until they’d reached the apartment building.

“Where the hell are they?” Natsu exclaimed as Gray pushed open the door to the building.

Gray shrugged. “They’ll catch up.”

Natsu rolled his eyes before following Gray towards the lift. “I’m _sure_ that’s what happened,” he muttered. Gray seemed to not hear him as he chose the right button on the lift’s wall.

The lift doors opened on the third floor, and Gray led the way to apartment 33.

“You have to shake the handle a bit for the key to work.” Natsu spoke without thinking. It was only as he noticed Gray was already doing so that he remembered Gray’s amnesia only covered himself.

“I know!” Gray snapped.

It was such a natural response that Natsu was taken aback. A small grin lit up his face as he followed Gray into the room.

Again, Gray didn’t notice. He was already absorbed in the photos which lined the bookshelf covering nearly all of one wall of the main room of his apartment. Though Erza had made them clean the place of anything that could grow mould of _any_ sort, everything was just as Gray had left it. Albeit a little dusty. The sparsely furnished apartment, though spacious, was still friendly and snug.

All the photos Natsu had seen many times before. Many of them he’d lived. Gray, however, seemed to be seeing them all with new eyes. He was studying them all, especially the ones with Natsu in them.

There was one Gray found of the whole group, he picked it up for a closer look.

_They must have just finished a job…_

It was one of the few in the house which actually included Gray himself. They were walking with what looked like the backdrop of the street leading up to the guild hall. Lucy and Juvia watched on as Natsu jumped up one fist in the air. They were laughing, Lucy’s head thrown back slightly, a hand on Juvia’s shoulder. Erza was on the other side, hands on hips, mouth open probably to scold Natsu in some way. Not that he seemed to care. Happy mirrored Natsu’s wide grin, the exceed flying high above the group. Last was Gray, walking closest to Natsu but just a bit behind. He seemed to stroll, hands in pockets, a relaxed air about him. His gaze was fixed on Natsu, that much was obvious. A fond smile lit up his face, his body oh so slightly tilted in Natsu’s direction.

A small smile of amusement flitted across Gray’s face. _Was I really that obvious?_ That thought had come to mind but it didn’t completely make sense. Placing the photo back he wandered off in search of anything else that might help him understand.

Natsu had watched the whole scene in awe. The thoughtfulness in Gray’s stare had been mesmerising. The photograph in question was from a job they’d gone on quite soon after Lucy had joined the guild. So much had happened since then. Natsu continued to wander through the apartment, he found himself in Gray’s bedroom. The double bed was still unmade, Erza must have missed the bedroom, or just left it on purpose. It made Natsu feel uneasy. The room was so lived in, yet, somehow it felt eerily bare. He’d only ever visited Gray at his apartment a couple of times, they’d usually ended up at Lucy’s. That was apart from that one time he'd crashed on the couch after Gray’s 21st birthday party. He felt something clench in his chest as he realised Gray probably couldn’t remember that at all.

“Natsu!”

“Gray?” Natsu was quickly snapped from his thoughts. “what is it?” There was something in his friend’s tone which conjured up the image of Gray curled at the bottom of the stairs again, his legs having refused to hold his own weight. However when Natsu reached the spare room of Gray’s apartment he found something very different. He skidded to a halt in the doorway of what he’d always assumed was a spare guest room. It was the one room which had always been closed in the few times he had ventured into Gray’s apartment. Now that he could finally see inside, it turned out to be a sort of art studio.

Gray sat in the middle of the room. Numerous paintings fanning out from where he knelt, each in a very similar style to those Gray’s sketchbooks. These however were cleaner, much more defined, with strong, vibrant colours dotted throughout.

As Gray turned to face Natsu, he had the same expression of awe. It wasn’t the art, for that was a truth they both knew, it was the content. The walls were lined with a mix of rough sketches and detailed drawings and watercolours. Most of them were of the guild members, but there were some landscapes in between. It wasn’t just the sheer number of paintings which caught Natsu’s eye, it was how many of them included _himself_.

 _So he really didn’t know?_ Gray watched as Natsu gazed around the room. His friend’s mouth staying open in a perfect ‘O’. _How could he have not? I can see it now, how obvious I was, how obvious it must have been to everyone else. It could almost be funny, if it hadn’t got me into this mess._

As Gray had rifled through the sketch books and piles of scattered art he’d noticed a pattern. In most cases, he’d only used the brightest colours. Yet in some, he’d used colour sparingly. In these, colour was used only to bring certain features to the forefront. One such work was clutched in Gray’s hands. It was larger than the others, a study of a single face, detail almost absolutely perfect right down to the last freckle.

The drawing in question was of Natsu. His smile was wide, his green eyes shining with laughter at what Natsu assumed to be a long-forgotten joke. Then as Natsu cast his gaze across the sea of other drawings, he noticed the pattern too. It was always himself who had that little bit of extra detail, a little more colour than the others.

Natsu gulped. _Did he…_

“Did you love Him?”

“Huh?” Though Natsu had been thinking something similar, the bluntness of the question caught him by surprise.

“Did you love Him?” Gray repeated, turning his whole body to face his friend. “…because I think _He_ must have loved you.”

Natsu wasn’t sure what made him run.

The connotations surrounding the question or the fact that Gray had reverted to talking about himself in the third person again – something his friend hadn’t done since they were at the hospital. It could have been one, it could have been both. Either way, the answer to both questions of his relationship with Gray had never been something Natsu ever really pondered before. Now though, he knew that was what had been missing in Gray’s eyes. It was all so clear now. In just a few words, just one question, Gray had managed to answer a multitude of Natsu’s own questions while still leaving even more unanswered.

_I didn't...did I? Not like that…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I keep telling Natsu to stop running away but he doesn't listen :I
> 
> Note: I'm going to be changing my usename over to 'rainteaanddragons' after I upload not the next chapter but the chapter after (so chapter 23) :) it matches my tumblr url and my overall, well, things I love so I feel the need to change it :) I just thought I should let you guys know!


	23. Twenty-Two - Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we go, the first of the two 'feels' chapters as I have been calling them in my head. This was a toughie to write but I hope it works! :) Also triple alliteration on the title, sorta...
> 
> Enjoy! :)

**“ _So many miles between us now, but you are always here with me_.”  
 - Susie Suh**

Gray’s shoulders slumped forward as he hung his head, _I wish he would stop doing that…_ Natsu had run when he’d realised the truth last time too. Gray was starting to notice the pattern. He stared down at the painting of Natsu in his hands. That wide grin was enough to bring a small smile to his own face too. It soon faded though as he realised what had just happened.

“What have I done?” Tears welled up in his eyes. “What have I done? What have I done?” He continued to repeat those words until he heard footsteps come up behind him. Part of him wanted to believe it was Natsu, but he knew it couldn’t be, Natsu would be long gone by now.

“Gray?” Erza whispered, “Are you alright?”

Gray looked up, started to nod, but realising that there was no point in lying, he shook his head.

Erza knelt, putting an arm around Gray’s shoulders, she spoke. “What can we do? Where’s Natsu?”

“Natsu ran. I- I’m not sure where he–” Gray stopped, sniffed, then wiped his eyes. Trying not to think about how stupid he probably looked.

“I’ll find him,” Wendy offered the group a worried smile before turning and heading towards the stairwell. If there was one thing she did know, Natsu would have taken the stairs. _He’d never have the patience for a lift if he was in a mood._

Gray sniffed, “I loved him, didn’t I?” In that moment, he didn’t see any point in not asking. Even though he knew that wasn’t the question he really wanted the answer to, _that_ answer, he knew

Erza nodded.

“That’s why I forgot him, right? Because I loved him?” Gray stared around the room, at all the brightly coloured paintings, at the collective looks of pity on his friend’s faces. “He doesn’t though, does he? Natsu doesn’t love me back.” _Natsu didn’t love me back then either, I’m sure of it._

“Only Natsu can answer that.” Lyon spoke up, though he wished he hadn’t needed to say that at all. He’d never seen his adoptive brother so caught up over something like this.

Lucy nodded in agreement, with nothing else she could think of to say, that was all she could do. She knew the answer to Gray’s question, which somehow made it worse. She’d realised it soon after meeting Natsu, after their quest on Galuna Island. She also knew that the rest of the guild had known way before she had even arrived at there. Everyone had known but Natsu, and for some time of course, Gray. The latter though, had changed.

 _Of course._ There was a long silence in which Gray’s thoughts continued to buzz around his head. Eventually he spoke, voicing something he’d probably known since Natsu had come to see him at the hospital and he’d realised Natsu was real. “I think I-” Gray shook his head, there was no point in trying to convince himself otherwise. “No…I really like him _now_ too, maybe even love him.” Having said it, having admitted it to himself, Gray thought that maybe he might feel better about the whole thing. Unsurprisingly, he didn’t. If anything, he felt worse, which was only added to by Natsu’s absence.

No one quite knew what to say. They had wondered whether this Gray who didn’t know Natsu would eventually feel the same as he always had. Looking at Gray now, their suspicions had been confirmed, but either way, this was old news to them. They had never wanted to interfere. Especially with how, despite the bickering, Gray and Natsu’s relationship was important to both of them. Though neither had ever liked to admit it to themselves, it always had been.

“How about we get you a glass of water?” Erza said. At the small nod of Gray’s head, she helped him to his feet. It didn’t miss her attention that Gray still held gingerly to the painting of Natsu he’d been sitting there with when they’d entered.

The group traipsed out of the small studio towards the kitchen where Lyon pulled down a glass and filled it with water from the tap. He smiled as he pushed it towards where Gray sat at the island table in the small kitchenette. “I was thinking,” he started in an attempt to change the subject, “why don’t I try teach you some magic soon. If you keep walking to and from the guild your strength will slowly build enough for you to start learning.”

Gray sniffed, and taking a large sip of water, he thought on Lyon’s proposal. “You’d do that, for me?”

“Well you want things to get back to normal, don’t you?” Lyon didn’t need an answer to that question, the look on Gray’s face was enough. “If it’s alright with you guys, I’d like to start tomorrow?”

“We wouldn’t really get a say in the matter, though, would we?” Erza grinned, bumping her shoulder to Gray’s. “It is _his_ life.”

 _It doesn’t really feel like it though, not yet_. Though the Natsu situation was one he would never really abandon, there was little he could do for that now and Gray knew it. He offered his adoptive brother what he hoped was a convincing smile. “Thanks Lyon.”

“No problem,” Lyon smirked, “can’t have you being useless forever, now can we?”

It was a blessing that Gray only shot him a glare in response before taking another sip of water.

– o – o – o –

Since waking up in hospital, Gray had felt frustration on many levels. As if not being able to remember Natsu wasn’t bad enough, in the time he was in Gladiolus, Gray had mastered a numerous amount of what most would call instinctual tasks. At first, he’d had barely enough strength to answer Matt and Sara’s questions or even sit up in bed himself, let alone walk by himself. Gray’s had to work hard just to rebuild his strength enough just to be able to go to the toilet like, what he called, ‘a normal human’. Showering had been the worst though, wanting to keep his dignity enough to shower alone, Gray had used a walking frame. His tears of frustration had almost been as hot on his cheeks as the water itself. It had got to the point though where the shower had been his only privacy, and Gray almost relished in the independence of it. For him, using Rufus’s spell had felt like the first time in a while he’d truly felt he was doing something not only for himself, but also that he was doing that somewhat independently.

Today, nearly a week after he and Natsu had last had a proper conversation, Gray stood ankle deep in snow, trying not to let his annoyance at his lack of skill turn to anger. Also, he decided, he was freezing. He’d only just managed to grasp why Lyon had insisted they train shirtless, _if you count my bandaged chest as shirtless anyway. Apparently after a week of just walking each day in the snow covered mountains on the outskirts of Magnolia means that you can be shirtless in the snow._ Gray knew that this was how he’d originally trained to use Ice-Make Magic, but at that point he was eight years old, and what he thought as much more resilient. So, like at the hospital, learning the basics of Ice-Make Magic was like learning to walk again: much harder than Gray could have expected it to be, and much harder than he remembered it being. Solely because he’d been so young at the time, he just couldn’t.

This was something Lyon helpfully pointed out at regular intervals during their training sessions. Well, he thought it was helpful, Gray’s reaction _always_ said otherwise. “You can’t just expect yourself to just get it. It took us forever the first time, let alone the fact that you had a much stronger base for wanting to learn magic in the first place.”

“I know!” Gray managed to say through gritted teeth. “‘ _This will take time_ ’, I know!”

“Good.” Lyon responded with equal defiance. “Okay, just staying simple now, I want you to try again. I need you to draw the power from your chest, and as cliché as it sounds, Gray, dig deep.”

Gray nodded. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. At this point, this was all Gray could think to do. He could only just remember the feeling of drawing the power from his chest to create something from thin air. Gray tried to grasp that feeling again, that feeling of power, of independence. The feeling of being able to help, of being able to aid his guildmates in what they did best.

To be able to protect them.

With a yell Gray spread his arms in a strong, downward motion, all the while picturing the shield Lyon had described. “Ice-Make, Shield!” He felt a sudden surge of _something_ somewhere in his gut, the feeling was familiar yet he couldn’t quite grasp it fully. The gasp of surprise from Lyon, however, made him open his eyes. He couldn’t help but gasp too as between him and Lyon stood a wall of ice. It was barely six-foot high, and very thin, but it was something. “Yes!” Gray yelled out, punching a fist into the sky. Even as the thin layer of ice started to crumble he kept on grinning at Lyon whose expression mirrored his. Within seconds of the wall shattering between them though Gray felt as a dull ache began to radiate through his forehead. Moments later, Gray’s knees buckled and an odd dizziness over took him, he sank with a groan to his knees in the snow.

“Gray!” Lyon skidded over, kneeling next to him. “What is it?”

“I-” Gray gritted his teeth in pain, “I’m not sure, but for a moment there I think I blacked out slightly.”

Lyon frowned. “I think we should finish up for the day. We’ll go back to the guild then Natsu can get you home.”

Gray nodded, it was then though that his heart sank. Though the prospect of home was always a good one, he and Natsu were still on shaky terms. They weren’t not talking exactly, but it seemed as if Natsu’s apparent usual way of tackling things head-on didn’t come into play here. It was an odd atmosphere at his apartment, but it wasn’t a bad one, and Gray couldn’t think of anyone better to stay with him. Anyone outside of their inner circle though would have said Lyon was the better choice. The Ice-Mage had thought it better for both of them if Natsu stayed instead. It had been a week since Gray had asked Natsu the question and he still hadn’t answered, but Gray knew it was just a matter of time.

“Just one more try. Please!” Gray replied stubbornly, “then I will go home.” He smiled fondly. “I bet Natsu’s been driving everyone mad.” The Dragon-Slayer had refused to go on longer jobs until Gray was able to live ‘comfortably’ alone, so he’d taken to jobs which would take no more than a day so to pay for food and rent while Gray couldn’t himself. Even those though, Gray knew, would lose their value eventually. Here, Natsu would resort to causing trouble at the guild. Or that is what Gray gathered from the number of times Natsu had been in the middle of various brawls when he and Lyon arrived back each evening. Gray couldn’t wait until he and Natsu could go on jobs together again.

“Fine.” Lyon rolled his eyes. _So stubborn._ “One more time. Just don’t collapse this time.”

“I won’t!”

Gray repeated his actions as before, this time trying to draw more power from the revenue he and Lyon had managed to uncover in their earlier training sessions. It occurred to Gray as he was about to call out the spell again, that him losing control before could have been his mind working with the Kakusareta Omoide spell to keep him away from what he sacrificed. With a mental shrug he tried again, “Ice-Make, Shield!”. This time the shield was higher by a few inches, as well as being slightly thicker. “I’m getting it!” He couldn’t help the almost child-like glee which filled his body at the sight of the shield in front of him.

Moments later though, the ache came back and his vision blurred.

_“Ice-Make Rampart!”_

_“Gray…”_

_“Go! I told you before, I’ll handle this guy!”_

_“But you just used up too much of your magic!”_

_“Just go, dammit! I won’t let him through, even if it costs me my life!”_

Gray opened his eyes again. He was surprised to find he was still standing, yet there was no denying he was shaking. _What the hell was that?_ Gray shook his head. _It couldn’t be…a memory?_ That had definitely been his own voice first, then Natsu’s, yet there was no telling how real that version of the memory was. He remembered that day well, but it had been Lucy and Loke who’d gone to get Wendy and Carla back while Happy had stayed with Erza, or at least that was what his mind had fabricated for him.

“Gray?”

“I’m fine.” Gray decided not to tell Lyon, not yet anyway, but he made a mental note to ask Natsu about it later. “Time to go.”

“About time too!” Lyon grinned, giving Gray a light punch on the shoulder. “I’m starving!”

“Me too.” Gray followed Lyon back down the mountain path. Neither spoke, but Gray never quite stopped thinking about that memory. That feeling of being able to both fight and protect, he wanted to feel that again. More than that though, he wanted Natsu to talk to him. He needed that, and though they had perfectly normal conversations – the light banter had become somewhat of a comfort to Gray – he wanted Natsu to answer his question.

As they made it to the edge of town, Gray wondered if he’d done enough that day to tire himself out enough for a solid night sleep. He doubted it, but just maybe tonight he would sleep soundly. Gray hoped he wouldn’t wake Natsu again, who knew what he might have heard the last few times. Every morning that week Gray had woken to find Natsu asleep on the floor outside his door, only to remember then he’d woken sweating and screaming during the night. This was no different to what it had been like at the infirmary, but it seemed the more they prodded and poked in his mind, the worse the dreams got. Neither ever spoke about it the next day, but Gray knew that it had always been Natsu’s voice which had comforted him back to sleep. Just like when he’d been held prisoner, it was always Natsu’s voice which had kept him sane, kept him safe.


	24. Twenty-Three - Space

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no words. Two months is too long...please forgive me, if you can!
> 
> Enjoy :)

**"I'd rather fuel a fantasy than deal with this alone. I wanna sleep next to you, but that's all I wanna do right now, so come over now and talk me down."  
\- Talk Me Down, Troye Sivan**

Natsu only made it one level down before he stopped, panting, and sank onto the top step. _He loved me? No, he loves me…_ He wasn’t sure why Gray’s question had scared him as much as it did. Just as much, Natsu knew it was stupid to have run. “I don’t love him though. Not like that. Do I?” In truth, Natsu hadn’t really felt that sort of love before, so on his logic, how would he know? Yet, Natsu knew that when Gray had disappeared, he’d definitely felt more worried than he’d expected, but he’d just passed that off a pride. How had they managed to grab Gray from under his nose? It was then that his memories of that day surfaced and he couldn’t help but clench both his fists.

_“Dammit!” Natsu yelled. He lashed out in anger, kicking the embers of the dying fire which sparked dangerously. “Where is he? Where is he!” Natsu cried out, “whoever has taken him, I’m gonna find them, and they’re gonna pay!”_

Remembering that anger he had felt, Natsu wondered whether maybe, just maybe, it had its roots somewhere quite different to what he’d originally thought. _But it’s Gray. Gray! Childhood friend. Sparring partner. Partner in crime. Nothing more…right? That was it, it had to be._ Through his muddle of confused thoughts Natsu realised the reason he’d been so angry when Gray had been taken. It hadn’t just been the pride he’d pushed it off as at first, the tell-tale tightening in his chest he felt told him otherwise.

_Maybe I did love him too?_

Natsu shook his head. _Not like that, I couldn’t,_ _not Gray,_ but the more he kept telling himself that, the less he really believed it. He wasn’t sure if his denial was the fact that he didn’t want to lose what he _did_ have with Gray already, or if it was quite possible he was still holding onto the Gray before the memory loss. Or maybe it was both? Either way, he knew it was stupid. _I’ve never had these sorts of worries before, yet,_ he reasoned with himself, _I’ve never needed to._ After he’d sat there quietly a while longer, Natsu came to an uncertain conclusion. Gray’s question had stirred something in him. What though, he wasn’t quite sure. As he sat there he couldn’t help but wonder what if it had been anyone else in their situation. Would he then feel differently? He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t hear the clatter of the lift as it went up past the stairwell, not even reacting to the echo of Erza and Lyon’s voices as they passed the entrance to the stairs. Natsu wasn’t sure how long he’d been sitting there before he registered Wendy’s voice calling out his name.

“Wendy?”

“Oh! Thank goodness!” Wendy sank onto the stairs next to Natsu. “I’m glad you only got this far…”

Natsu didn’t respond.

“Why did you run?”

“I didn’t-” Natsu shook his head. “I panicked.”

“Yes, I can see that, Natsu, but why?”

Natsu wasn’t sure where to begin.

_“Did you love Him? …because I think He must have loved you.”_

“What do you think?” Natsu looked up, “Wendy?”

“Honestly, Natsu, I think you need to work that out yourself. You’re the one who remembers everything, you’re the one who knows everything about your relationship with Gray. Everything from when you first met him to when you so recently stopped him from using Iced Shell on Zeref, and everything that’s going on now. Only you can know whether you did all that just because he’s your friend, or because of something more.”

“Tough example.” Natsu chuckled darkly. He remembered that day all too well.

_“Stop it! That magic, I’ve stopped you from using it once already! Hey, Gray! We’re friends aren’t we? So stop thinking about dying! Live!”_

The panic, the fear of losing someone else close to him. There was that word again. _Close_. How had it taken him this long to realise that Gray was so much more than just a friend. Or at least that Gray had felt that way. How long ago had this started? How long had he been so oblivious to his best friend’s feelings towards him that he’d ignored his own as well. That was it too though, why _now_? After everything they had been through, everything that had happened to test their relationship, why had it taken until now for them to talk about it. Even if the term ‘talk’ could only be used lightly. Gray had asked Natsu a question he’d never even considered, let alone needed to answer until that moment. Why had it taken Gray not really feeling like himself for the subject to come up?

_Fresh gaze, perhaps?_

The thought circled his mind for a little while longer before he spoke again. “I do…I do care about him. A lot.” Natsu paused. “Is it what he thinks it is though?”

“Natsu,” Wendy sighed, “Gray doesn’t think _it_ , as you call it, is anything.” She frowned. “No, that came out wrong…Gray isn’t sure what to make of his own feelings towards you let alone yours.”

“Oh.”

“You two are going to have to work that out yourselves.”

Natsu gave a slow nod of his head. “When did you get so wise?”

“I always have been.” Wendy grinned. “I just wait my turn to show it.”

Natsu let out a bark of laughter and ruffled Wendy’s hair. He was only a little closer to puzzling out an answer, but he now knew for sure he felt something more than what he’d always thought.

– o – o – o –

Natsu rolled over in his sleep, he was neither deep in sleep or fully awake, but for now he was resting comfortably. Gray’s small apartment had no spare room so he’d taken the surprisingly cosy couch in the split lounge room and kitchenette. Happy had curled himself on the discarded cushioning from the back of the lounge. At least one of us is sleeping soundly, Natsu thought with a sigh as he rolled over again. It was then he jumped awake as the sound of a pained yell reached his ears. Gray? Natsu sat up, part of him had known this would happen. It was Gray’s first night out of the guild’s infirmary, of course the somewhat new environment would bring up something like this. Even if Gray was home, there was no escaping his memories.

It wasn’t for the first time though, that as Natsu sat there, he was at a loss of what to do. Part of him wanted to go to him, to comfort him, but that felt like he was crossing a boundary which he himself had set up, albeit somewhat accidentally. Since Natsu had run from Gray’s studio, and with his continued confusion over his own feelings, it wasn’t surprising they had barely spoken beyond  necessary interactions since.  Natsu stood, streched, and walked lightly towards Gray’s room. It felt almost invasive as he lifted his hand to knock, would he even want me there? As another, but much quieter, yell reached his ears, Natsu knocked.

“Gray?” Natsu called gently, but there was no response. He repeated the action. “Gray? Are you alright?” He clenched his fist, stupid question, of course he isn’t alright.

“…’m fine.”

Natsu could hear the defiance in the muffled, sleepy voice of his friend. “Y- you sure?”

“…’m fine! …back to sleep.”

“Okay.” Natsu responded slowly, but he didn’t move from his spot in front of the door. His forehead resting softly against it. Instead he sank to the floor to sit against the wall outside Gray’s room. It wasn’t long before Natsu’s eyes closed again, and he drifted into a restless sleep.

– o – o – o –

“You woke up on the couch?” Lucy gaped at Natsu as he recounted the events of the night before as they sat down for dinner that evening at the guild hall. “Are you sure you didn’t dream going to see him?”

Natsu raised an eyebrow. “You’d think I know when Gray’s voice is real or not by now.”

Lucy shrugged defeat. “You could ask him you know?”

Natsu gave her a look which clearly said _well that’s impossible, right?_

“How’d he even get you back to the couch anyway?”

“You’re not _that_ light…” Happy added with a sly grin.

“Shut it. Gray couldn’t have carried me, unless he is stronger than we think he is right now.”

“He has been doing quite a bit of training…” Wendy chimed in, “as much as possible without hurting himself anyway. It wasn’t you Happy?”

“Nope. I was sound asleep.”

“I think he could have done it…well, he would have tried to get you back to the couch and if it didn’t work he would have tried even harder.” Erza said. “No matter what happens to Gray, it won’t change the fact of his stubbornness.”

Natsu chuckled. “You’ve got that right.” There was something though which concerned Natsu though, _why didn’t I wake up?_ It was a possibility that he was just too tired to notice, he did usually sleep quite heavily anyway. Natsu decided to forget about it. There was something about that small action of Gray getting him back to the couch before he left for his training with Lyon which tugged strangely at his stomach. He was sure it was because of recent revelations, those which still left him in a bit of a puzzle.

“When is Gray getting back anyway?” Erza sidled onto the bench next to Lucy.

“Who knows.” Natsu crashed his forehead to the table.

“You alright?” Lucy asked.

“How could I be?” Natsu mumbled. “After what Gray said, I don’t know what to think…”

“Honestly Natsu,” Erza glanced over at her friend with fond amusement, “the fact that you are thinking about this at all shows just how much you care.”

“Huh?”

“I remember a young boy telling me once that you didn’t need to think because you were ‘ _all_ instinct’.” Erza chuckled, “What does your instinct tell you to do?”

Natsu frowned for a moment before his lips split into a wide grin and he started to laugh. “My _instinct_ , as you call it, is giving me nothing. Gray is someone I couldn’t never quite figure out.” Natsu thudded his head on the table.

“Who can’t you quite figure out?”

Natsu sat bolt up right at the sound of Gray’s voice. He felt a jolt deep in his chest, though he couldn’t quite place its cause.

“No one!” Natsu answered far too quickly.

Gray frowned. “Suit yourself.” He then turned to his right. “You want to eat here too Lyon?”

The older mage shrugged. “If you are.” Lyon then grinned, “My shout. You did well today. Plus you are a little on the broke side!”

“Not for long though,” Natsu grinned, “I’ve gone on quite a few jobs so we’re good for now.”

“We?”

“I _am_ living with you aren’t I?”

“Oh. You make a point there Pinky!”

Natsu blinked, staring up at Gray like he’d just heard the best news possible. The nickname played over in his head in a happy loop.

Lucy nudged Erza, the latter of whom nodded, a small smile lighting up her face.

Lyon strode past the pair up to the bar. “What’s on tonight Mira?”

Mira grinned, “Aside from that precious moment playing out over there?” She jerked her head towards where Natsu still sat mouth agape. “Whatever you fancy.”

– o – o – o –

For the next few days the guild developed a routine around Gray’s training. Gray would leave early in the morning with Lyon, and then train all day before returning to the guild for dinner. Gray’d then walk back to his apartment with Natsu and Happy. For Gray, exhaustion rarely left him chatty, so Natsu filled the silence talking about both the jobs he’d been taking lately, as well as those he had taken with Gray when they were younger. As Lyon never trained Gray too much to injure him, Natsu could tell that Gray wasn’t quite the same still, and he knew it would be a while before he would be. In the evening the pair would chat a bit before going their separate ways to bed. Natsu would always get up to the sound of Gray’s screams, sit outside the room until he fell asleep, but wake up the next day back on the couch. Every night was the same too, well, _almost_.

On the fourth night Natsu was siting in the kitchen when the sound of Gray’s panicked voice made his heart jolt. He stumbled up, his chair crashing onto the kitchen tiles in his hurry to get to Gray. Still standing on the other side of the closed bathroom door, Natsu hesitated. “What is it?” He called.

“You can come in.” Gray then added in a pained whisper, “Please…”

Natsu pushed open the door, trying not to look too taken aback by the scene before him. Gray was in the bath, his left hand clutched the ceramic edge of the basin. Water seeped over the tiles, soaking the bath mat and Gray’s discarded clothes. It was Gray’s expression though which was hard to pick. There was something close to defeat in his ark eyes which Natsu had seen very few times before. He couldn’t help but stare though at the state of Gray’s usually quite toned form. What first caught his eye was just how skinny Gray still was, as he was always wearing a shirt over his bandages, it was hard to tell, but now Natsu could still see the divots of Gray’s ribs. The skin there marred by large, now yellowing bruises, and a myriad of scratches. His usually muscular arms didn’t seem to have the same depth, his now quite thin legs quite the same. It was the massive, still healing scar which ran the length from Gray’s left collar bone, through his guild mark before fading into the side of his chest which Natsu hadn’t expected to see. It was the first time he’d seen Gray shirtless since before he’d disappeared. Natsu had imagined much worse, seeing it all though, that was something else entirely. He felt guilt tug at his stomach, especially as Gray’s expression changed from defeat, to embarrassment.

“Help me, please…” Gray looked away, “I can’t seem to stand up, must have trained to hard today.” He indicated to his legs and each arm. “Nothing will work.” As if to prove his point Gray tried to stand but only caused another wave of bath water to wash over the side.

It didn’t take much for Natsu to notice the frustration. Instead of drawing attention to it, Natsu smiled tentatively. “You must be right. I’ll be having a word to Lyon about this!”

Gray chuckled. All tension from the room gone. “It’s my fault. As you probably know, I am rather stubborn.”

Natsu snorted. “You can say that again.”

Gray smiled back. The moment Natsu had stepped into the room, he’d felt noticeably calmer. He didn’t want that to change at all.

“Lets get you out of here.” Natsu glanced around for a towel. Taking it in his hands, he stepped forward onto the soaked bath mat. Natsu paused for a moment, at a loss as to how to even go about this. “Uhh, Gray, just try to stand if possible, I’ll do the work, but it will be easier for both of us like that.” He waited for Gray’s nod of approval before placing his arms around Grays chest and lifting. It took a few tries, but eventually Gray was standing with a towel around himself still leaning heavily on Natsu.

“Thank you.” Gray still didn’t let go.

Without questioning it Natsu guided Gray back to his bedroom before helping him into his pyjamas, and eventually to bed. Natsu stood for a moment by Gray’s bed, not quite sure what to do. He was turning to go when Gray’s quiet voice reached his ears.

“I’m sorry, Natsu. Sorry you had to see _that_.”

Natsu felt as his throat clenched. “Gray don’t,” somewhere in his gut, something stirred. “You have _nothing_ to apologise for. Nothing at all. Please, just sleep well.” Gray didn’t respond, but Natsu could see his friend’s shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

Later that night, Natsu was woken by the sound of Gray’s screams. He padded down the hall to the door of Gray’s bedroom. “Gray?” It was a few moments before Gray responded, but it sounded broken, and painfully hoarse.

“You can come in. Please.”

This time Natsu didn’t hesitate. He closed the door gently behind him before walking slowly to the bed. Settling himself on the floor near to where he knew Gray to be lying, Natsu leant against the side of the bed, legs street out before him. He sat there in silence, resting his head against the mattress as Gray’s breathing calmed again. Natsu wasn’t sure how long he’d been sitting there before he felt a hand in his hair and his back stiffened slightly. Moments later, he relaxed again, closing his eyes to Gray’s gentle touch. It was quite a while before either of them spoke.

“Natsu.” Gray whispered, his voice sounding louder than it actually was. His hand still resting gently in Natsu’s hair. “Please, don’t, uhh, freak out, or anything, but…”

“What is it?”

“I just, I need to feel that you are here. I keep waking up back in the cell. I know you’re here, but I can’t quite believe it.” Gray’s breath caught in his throat. “Could you, just…lie next to me? It would be more comfortable for you too. More comfortable than the floor anyway. I’m sorry I- I don’t want it to be weird I-”

Natsu could feel his heart beating in his chest. There was nothing wrong with what Gray was asking. They’d shared a bed plenty of times before, he’d begun to wonder whether Erza had booked rooms like that on purpose. Now though, there was something about the request which sat differently with him. It was clouded with emotions Natsu couldn’t quite understand, though he knew he was reading into it for more than he wanted, or even needed.

“Don’t worry. It’s fine.” Natsu pulled himself up to lie on the bed and taken up the space Gray had just vacated.

“Do you sleep on your side?”

“Mostly.”

“Can I lean my back against yours? Just so I know you’re still there.”

Natsu nodded. Then when he remembered it was dark he answered a mumbled yeah before guiding Gray to shuffle closer so his back rested against Natsu’s.

That night Natsu realised something which he guessed quite a few had known much earlier. Gray was’t just a friend to him anymore, it was _Gray_. It terrified him, but as he drifted closer towards sleep the knot in his stomachs loosened slightly and his chest felt that little bit warmer.

Gray though, he slept the rest of the night through without disruption. The comfort Natsu brought was better at keeping the nightmares away than any sleeping draft he’d been given since getting back home.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have also just changed my username from Frangipani6181 to RainTeaandDragons :)


	25. Twenty-Four - Requited Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all my readers for sticking with me thus far! You really are all so lovely! So yeah, finally, this chapter is happening, and well, I couldn't be happier! This story is not over yet in the slightest, but I have really enjoyed writing this chapter :)
> 
> Enjoy! :)

**“ _So take a chance on me, and I’ll take a chance on you before we’re just what was. Oh, this could be love, it feels like it’s something more than temporary_.”  
\- More Than Temporary, Tom Goss**

When Natsu woke the next morning he felt an odd sense of calm. Slithers of light fell through the parted curtains, illuminating Gray’s bare shoulders. _Gray’s bare shoulders…Gray?_ Natsu felt his breath catch in his throat as he remembered the night before. Gray had needed him, and for what felt like the first time in a while, he had been there for him _and_ able to help. He felt a blush creep up his neck and onto his cheeks as he realised the conclusion he’d come to while lying next to Gray that night. Natsu knew Gray felt the same but there was so much history between them, and so much set in place for their future – both good and bad – Natsu wondered if this was a good idea at all. He didn’t have much more time to dwell on his dilemma though, as Gray rolled over to face Natsu, blinking slowly to wake himself up.

“Natsu?” Gray’s voice was barely a whisper, but it wasn’t long before he remembered what he’d asked his friend to do the night before. _No wonder I slept well._ “Th- thank you.” He offered Natsu a small smile.

“Morning Snowflake.” The two words were out of his mouth before Natsu even had time to think. He wasn’t sure what made him say it in the first place. Yet now, in this moment, they didn’t feel _wrong_ , it was as if he’d been waking up next to Gray for weeks. It wasn’t like them sharing a bed was anything out of the ordinary, Natsu knew that, but something felt different now. Natsu liked it.

“Morning.” Gray smiled. The nickname didn’t sound so strange to him now. That first time he’d heard it in the hospital he’d been already so confused it had almost annoyed him. It had made Gray ache for a time he didn’t even know existed. Hearing it now, lying in bed next to Natsu, it was almost the best thing he’d heard in days.

Natsu rolled over to rest on his back. “Are you going training with Lyon today?”

“Uh huh.”

“We better get going then, right? It’s already nine o’clock.”

Gray chuckled, “You have a point. Though you don’t _need_ to go anywhere.”

“True.” Natsu chuckled, “I’ll walk over with you anyway.”

With some degree of difficulty on account of his bandages Gray rolled back over to the other side of the bed. This, because of his friend’s pride, Natsu made a conscious effort to ignore. It wasn’t long though before Gray was out of bed and dressed. Natsu joined him in the kitchen a little while later to find Gray making coffee. A messy, hand written note sitting on the bench told them that Happy had already headed over to the guild.

“Coffee?”

“No thanks.” Natsu grinned, “Coffee doesn’t seem to work well with me at all. My fire gets all messy.”

 _Noted._ “Fair enough.” Gray sat at the kitchen bench. He studied Natsu over the rim of his coffee mug, unable to keep the fondness from his gaze. They sat in companionable silence for a while longer before Gray spoke again. “I wanted to thank you, Natsu, for last night… I just, I probably had the best sleep I’d had in a while.”

Natsu smiled. “You don’t need to thank me. Honestly Gray, I had the best night sleep too.”

“Yeah, cause I wasn’t waking you up.” Gray chuckled.

“No need to put it like that,” Natsu tried to counter Gray’s comment but the look his friend gave him was enough to make him laugh too. “I did want to ask you though, was it you who got me back to the couch the past couple of nights? I just don’t remember going back myself.”

“Huh?” Gray frowned, “Back to… Oh, of course it was me dumbass! Who else would it have been?”

“But you- You’re not _that_ strong right now…”

“I am going to pretend you didn’t just say that to me.” A grin broke the look of mock offence on Gray’s face as he glanced at Natsu next to him.

Natsu snorted.

“Seriously though, Natsu, despite the thing with the bath last night, I’m stronger than you think. It’s just my mind which is still a complete mess.”

“Fine, fine!” Natsu raised his hands in defeat. He paused for a moment before speaking again. When he did so, though, Natsu wasn’t entirely sure what had made him say it. “You really are amazing though, surviving all _that_. You’re doing so well, I-” Natsu faltered, not entirely sure how to finish.

“You’ve changed your tone.”

“I’m serious, Gray, I was _so_ scared of losing you that when you first disappeared, I drove myself mad looking. Then when we found you, there was so little I could do. I just- I’m glad I can help you now.”

“Oh Natsu,” Gray bumped his shoulder gently to his. “You’ve done more than you can ever imagine. _You_ are the reason I managed to stay alive, I know now that it was you. Don’t ever think you haven’t done anything for me.”

“Then, I need to tell you something Gray. Back then, I think I did know why they had taken you, it had just been so long that I thought everything to do with E.N.D. was over now, all of _that_. So for you to disappear so suddenly I didn’t make the connection, I thought you’d been taken because of my failure to stop it happening, not because of something I was. In that moment then, I thought it was only guilt which had made me so angry. Now though, I know it wasn’t just guilt, I was scared. Scared that I had just lost the person I cared about the most.”

Natsu slipped down from the seat at the bench, and without realising, he began to pace. Gray watched him carefully, not entirely sure how to react.

“You, Gray, you are the only person I have ever felt this way about, but when it mattered, to you, to both of us, I was blind. I realise it now, just how long it must have been for you. Galuna Island, that wall of ice you put between me and Racer, what you did for me during the fight with Mard Geer, and everything else in between… You loved me from the beginning didn’t you?” Natsu stopped mid pace. “I was so oblivious to your feelings I let you slip through my fingers… You almost died to protect me then, and I feel this isn’t the first time. I have been _so_ stupid, Gray. I’m sorry.”

“But you-” Gray stared at Natsu, mouth slightly parted, eyes wide. Though his true memories were still not back, he could remember all of what Natsu referred to, if not slightly altered.  “You ran. When I told you how I thought _He_ had felt for you, how I felt, you ran.”

“Of course I did.” Natsu replied quietly, guilt twisting his stomach. “When have I not?”

Gray stood from his chair, walking over so he stood opposite Natsu. “You’re here now, Natsu, that’s what matters.”

“Gray I-” Natsu’s breath caught in his throat, he held his friends dark blue gaze, his heart beating somewhere in his throat.

“I know.”

With a nervous smile Gray gently pulled Natsu closer to him. He paused, glancing down at Natsu’s lips, as if asking for permission. In answer, Natsu closed the gap between them, pressing his lips to Gray’s in a tentative kiss. Once Gray knew for sure that this was what Natsu wanted, he deepened the kiss, pulling Natsu closer. As they finally broke apart, Gray couldn’t help but smile. He pressed his forehead to Natsu’s, letting the hand which had rested on Natsu’s cheek drop to clasp his hand.

“It really is about time we left, Lyon will be getting impatient.”

Gray chuckled in response, “ _He_ can wait. Patience would improve his character greatly.” With a small shrug, he did what Natsu said anyway. With a slight reluctance Gray lead the way out of his apartment. He couldn’t help the warm feeling in his chest as Natsu kept his hand in his as they walked towards the guild.

As they set foot in the guild hall a scream of delight shook Gray and Natsu from their happy daze. They both jumped in shock before instinctively trying to stand protectively in front of the other, resulting in Natsu shouldering Gray while the latter managed to trip over Natsu’s feet. They ended up tumbling to the ground, limbs tangled.

All the while Erza was almost doubled over with laughter, Lucy, and Cana joining her as they gazed on Natsu and Gray on the floor.

“The hell!?” Natsu spluttered. He still sat on the ground, his fingers – somehow – still locked with Gray’s.

“Finally!”

“How long has it been, do you think Cana?”

“Ten years at least.” Cana grinned at Erza, “cough up!”

“You bet on us?” Gray frowned.

“Are you even surprised?” Loke stepped forward having overheard the commotion. “Good to see you two have finally got there.” He offered Gray a hand up, then Natsu.

Lucy looked like she was almost in tears she was so happy. “I can’t believe it. Now of all times too.”

“What did you expect?” Erza looked smug, “They’ve been sharing an apartment for a week, and according to Happy, Natsu slept in Gray’s room last night.”

Happy looked sheepish as he flew over to the group huddled in the doorway of the guild.

“We don’t mind, Happy,” Gray smiled, “it was going to get out anyway with these three on the loose.”

Lyon wandered over, his gaze rested on where his adoptive brother’s hand was clasped in Natsu’s before he glanced back up. “You’re late.” There was a beat of silence before his pursed lips spread into a wide grin and he clapped Gray on the shoulder. “Congrats mate, it’s about time!”

Gray couldn’t help the blush which had begun to creep up his neck. “We better get going huh?”

“Yeah,” Lyon replied, “I’d feel guilty about snatching you away but every minute counts at this point.”

“I’ll see you later, okay?” Gray pressed a tender kiss on Natsu’s lips, smiled warmly, then followed Lyon out of the guild hall.

Natsu was left it somewhat of a daze as Gray left the room, the door clunking shut behind him. Lucy steered him into a seat. They waited until Mira had placed a mug of hot chocolate in front of him before everyone started talking at once.

“Since when!?”

“You slept in his bed last night!”

“I can’t believe it!”

“How did it happen?”

“Did you ask him?”

Natsu let the questions flow over his head as he took a long drink from the hot chocolate in front of him. _I kissed Gray. He kissed me._ A smile crept its way onto Natsu’s lips as he remembered the feeling of Gray’s soft lips on his own.

“Natsu!”

“Huh?”

“Please,” Wendy gazed at him intently, “You can’t just not tell us anything. That’s just plain mean.”

Natsu sighed, “ _fine_...” Then with a grin, he recounted the mornings events to an audience much more enthralled than he’d expected them to be.

“I still can’t believe it.” Lucy repeated for what seemed like the hundredth time.

“I can’t believe that _you_ can’t believe it.” Erza sat back, arms crossed. “I knew this would happen from the beginning.”

“I doubt it,” Natsu chuckled, “but I’ll let it slide.” He paused, “If I’m honest though, I can’t quite believe it either. _Gray_. It’s always been, _Gray_ , but I just didn’t realise it.”

“I’m sorry to break up the moment Flame Breath,” Gajeel sauntered over from the bar, “but there is something I think we need to bring up with you. It can’t wait.”

“Oh,” Natsu felt like he’d been kicked in the gut, he could hear the concern in Gajeel’s tone, “sure…”

“I just think we should be wary. I have a feeling the guild who took Gray might be close, and the closer they are, the closer we are to everything going wrong.”

“Don’t be so down Gajeel…” Levy trailed off.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you, but I did have my fair share of time in a dark guild, and I can tell something’s up. Plus I don’t trust that Matt guy. Call it a gut feeling.”

“He’s not wrong.” Erza chimed in, “I got a funny feeling when Matt was here last, I just thought it was safer to let him think he still had the upper hand.”

“Matt?” Natsu frowned, “You mean, Nurse Matt, Matt who looked after Gray for a year, Matt who came back to check on Gray at the guild? You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Think about it Natsu,” Loke reasoned, “How easy would it be for those responsible for Gray’s abduction to monitor him than by posing as staff at a hospital? Then all they’d have to do is follow him back to his home town and wait.”

“Wait for what though?”

“For their failsafe that you told us about to play out,” Lucy continued. “They don’t know we worked it out, so they’ll think we’re still trying to recover Gray’s memories. In that case they’d be thinking that E.N.D. will be dead within the next few days and are waiting to confirm it.”

“Ohh, I see.” Natsu frowned, “That bastard! Gray is gonna be crushed. He trusted him with so much.”

“Gray will be fine, Natsu,” Wendy rested a hand on Natsu’s, “he’s got _you_ now.”

– o – o – o –

“Do you really think this is the _best_ time to strike?” Fae voiced the thoughts of her fellow guild mates.

“We’ve been planning this for days now.” Matt answered with a cocky finality, “Nothing could go wrong.”

“Lexer, your brother is right. Fairy Tail have had the time to try and fix Fullbuster the best they can, but if they fix him too much, make him too strong, then we won’t be able to take them if our failsafe hasn’t already been triggered.” Kain folded his arms against his chest, “They’ve had enough time.”

“We’ll storm the guild tomorrow.” Matt grinned.

“Finally, finally I can avenge my brother.” Kain growled. _You take my brother from me_ … _Fairy Tail, Zeref, Fullbuster: I’ll take one of your own._

 


	26. Twenty-Five - Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy this chapter, I loved writing it aha
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Last Chapter: Finally! Basically, Gray and Natsu got together. I cried a little, 'cause bloody hell, it was a long wait. The villains revealed their motive in part.

**“ _You are my sweetest downfall, I loved you first, I loved you first_.”  
\- Sampson, Regina Spektor**

Gray couldn’t help the smile which spread his lips as he rolled over in bed that morning. The image of Natsu lying next to him in _his_ bed, it meant more to him than he could ever put into words. Natsu’s hair was an absolute mess, it rested around his face in a pink mane, but beneath the hair his eyes were as bright as his smile.

“Morning Snowflake.”

“Morning,” Gray returned the smile, and leaning forward, he pressed a gentle kiss to Natsu’s lips. Gray frowned as he heard a sharp gasp. He opened his eyes again to see Natsu’s eyes wide, a pained grimace creasing his brows. “Natsu? What is it?”

Gray followed Natsu’s gaze down. Just where Gray had been resting his palm moments before, a jagged shard of ice pierced Natsu’s chest.

“Gr- Gray?”

“No. No no no!” Gray’s hands shook as he tried to stop the bleeding. “Wha- what have I done?” Blood pooled between them, soaking into the sheets, thickly coating their pyjamas. “Natsu! Natsu, what do I do? Natsu!”

Natsu continued to stare at Gray with wide eyes. The betrayal showing clearly in his expression.

“Natsu!” Gray repeated, again, and again, and again. His shaking hands cupped Natsu’s cheeks, willing him to open his eyes again. “Na- Natsu, please…”

Gray was so preoccupied though, that he didn’t realise that the pool of Natsu’s blood between them had slowly been spreading. It coated the entire bed now, but as Gray watched in horror, he realised it had reached the floor. He looked back over at Natsu, a yell of shock escaped his lips when he saw that Natsu was gone. “Natsu? What the-” Gray felt as a hand grasped his ankle, he thrashed in the bed, trying to break free but when he heard a familiar voice his blood ran cold.

“Gray.”

He knew it was Natsu, but somehow, it didn’t sound like him at all. Natsu’s voice echoed throughout his head, rasping and gurgling it continued to call his name. The hand pulled Gray deeper into the pool of blood. He fought against it, trying anything to claw himself away but nothing seemed to work.

“Help! Somebody hel-” Another hand clasped over Gray’s mouth and nose. The metallic stench making his eyes and nose burn. Gray clawed at the hand, trying to break it loose.

It was then that a firm, but gentle hand took his own and began to pull him from the mess.

“Gray? Gray!” Natsu’s voice reached his ears, “Gray, everything is alright…” Calling to him like a lifeline. “You’re safe, I’m here.”

“Natsu?” Gray blinked slowly. Sunlight poured through the open curtains, illuminating the worry in Natsu’s expression. _Natsu._ With surprising speed Gray backed his way out of the bed. His shaking hands stretched out in front of him, sweat glistening on every patch of exposed skin.

“Gray, what is it?” Natsu jumped up too, but Gray only edged further backwards. “Gray please,” he reached out slowly, “talk to me.”

“I killed you. W- we were lying in bed together, I just killed you.” Tears streaked Gray’s cheeks. His voice cracked as he ran his hands through his hair. “There was s- so much blood.”

“Hey, hey…” Natsu said calmly as he took a step towards Gray, “it was just a nightmare okay. You were screaming and shaking, I had to wake you up.”

Gray stayed silent, still not sure what to make of it all.

“Everything is alright.” Natsu repeated.

“You’re okay?”

“I’m okay.” Natsu offered him a small smile, “Apart from you scaring me like that, of course.”

Gray rushed forward, crashing into Natsu and holding him tight to his chest.

“It felt so real.”

“I know,” Natsu pressed a kiss to Gray’s forehead, “but everything is alright. I’m not hurt. Not a bit. Plus it would take more than _that_ to kill me.”

“I know,” Gray whispered, “it really did just seem so real.”

They stood like that for a few moments longer before Gray pulled back. He offered Natsu a weak smile before speaking again. “I’m going to shower, hopefully that will calm me down.”

“Good idea. I’ll make us some breakfast, okay?”

Gray nodded slowly before grabbing his towel and heading towards the bathroom. Natsu still didn’t move. He waited until the door to the ensuite had swung shut behind Gray before sinking back onto the bed. Natsu leant forward, burying his head in his hands.

_What the hell was that?_

Somehow, though Natsu had dealt with Gray in this state quite a few times before since they had got him back, especially since living with him, there was something different about this time. Gray had never yelled his name in his sleep like that, and never in such anguish. The panic which had radiated off Gray, even in sleep, made Natsu question whether this was a good idea at all. Not in terms of his own safety, but for Gray’s. Natsu knew he could handle himself, there was no question of that. If Gray somehow managed to retrieve his memories and so trigger the ‘failsafe’ either the next day or within a couple of years Natsu knew he would be able to deal with it. Gray however, Gray was a different story altogether and Natsu knew it. It worried him. _If this is what happens after one night of us being ‘together’, how far would his anxiety take him the more time goes on._ Natsu sighed. _I don’t want to be the cause of that._

At the sound of his name being called again Natsu stood. “What is it?” He was surprised to hear a light chuckle coming from the bathroom. _Gray?_ Natsu walked into the ensuite to find Gray standing near the shower, his fingers struggling with the small clasps on his bandages.

“My hands are shaking too much.” Gray said with an air of defeat.

Natsu smiled knowingly before walking over to Gray. “You’ll get better you know.” He reached out and gently ran his fingers across Gray’s bandages until they met the clasp in the middle.

Gray hummed his agreement.

“It may take a while, but I can help you. I trust you completely, Gray, you just need to learn to trust yourself again.”

“How can I though, when one wrong move could trigger some cruel kind of killing machine within me?”

“Well, I know you don’t want to kill me. _Yet_...” Natsu chuckled, “We’ve only been together one day.”

“Shut it, Pinky! This is no laughing matter!” Gray tried to keep a straight face but he couldn’t help it as he heard Natsu’s laughter behind him.

Natsu wrapped his arms around Gray’s waist and buried his face in his neck. Gently, Natsu pulled Gray closer. “I care about you a lot Gray, and no matter what you think, I _do_ trust you.”

Gray interlocked his fingers with Natsu’s, and then grinned. “I care about you too, Natsu, so much, but more so if you let me shower. We need to get to the guild before they send someone to get us…especially Erza.”

“You have a point.” Natsu pressed a gentle kiss to Gray’s neck before turning and leaving the bathroom.

– o – o – o –

“You two are late!”

Gray and Natsu stole a glance at each other before turning back to Erza and bursting into a fit of laughter.

“We had a feeling you’d say something like that…” Natsu tried control his laughter but the glare he received from Erza did the opposite to the usual.

“You what now?” The seriousness in Erza’s tone quietened them instantly.

“Nothing!” The pair chorused back instantly.

“It’s almost like old times again.” Lucy whispered to Loke.

The Spirit chuckled, “…but they were never holding hands then, were they?”

“You have a point.”

The group lapsed into a comfortable silence. Gray dragging Natsu to one of the benches, insisting they have breakfast. They had forgotten their plans once they’d realised the time. Gray, whose appetite still wasn’t quite like it used to be, opted for toast with an egg, while Natsu managed two courses of bacon and eggs in that time. Gray leant against Natsu’s shoulder as he ate, listening to the idle conversation. He laughed and talked with the rest of them, but something still didn’t feel quite right. Gray was about to mention it, but then Lyon entered the guild.

“So you finally made it?”

“Yeah. Stressful morning, so to speak.”

Natsu gave Gray’s hand a squeeze.

“You want to go then? There is still time to train this afternoon,” Lyon offered him a sly grin, “If you can tear yourself away from Natsu that is…”

“Oi!” Gray laughed, though on the inside he was of two minds. Doing just that might keep Natsu that little bit safer, not only because he was learning to use his Ice again but there was the obvious fact that the further away Gray was the less likely he was to hurt Natsu.

“I’ll come too this time!”

“Huh?” Lyon and Gray responded in unison. Lyon raising an eyebrow, and Gray sitting up to look at Natsu properly.

“That wasn’t an invitation you know…” Lyon continued.

“Well…it can’t hurt for Gray to get some practice with someone who doesn’t use ice?”

Gray shot Lyon a subtle glare as if to say “Actually, it would hurt a lot…” before turning to Natsu with a fond smile, “Thanks, Natsu, but for the moment it’s probably best to wait.” The look of disappointment on Natsu’s face was enough to make Gray want to take back what he’d said, but within seconds Natsu grinned.

“Makes sense…let me walk out with you anyway.”

Gray wanted to roll his eyes but there was little point as Natsu bounced up from the bench and dragged Gray with him towards the door.

“I’ll catch you two up.” Lyon called after them as they left, not wanting to have to deal with the pair’s antics any more then he already did.

Natsu kept his hold on Gray’s hand as they wandered down the guild hall’s driveway. They didn’t speak, and honestly, there wasn’t really a need to. Natsu pulled them to a stop once they’d reached the road, “I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Are you two done?”

Gray chuckled, he then gave Natsu a fond smile before pressing a lingering kiss to his lips. He was about to speak when a familiar voice interrupted him.

“How sweet.”

All three heads turned towards the voice as Matt stepped up to the end of the driveway.

“Matt?” Gray smiled. “I didn’t know you were coming today.”

“Yeah, I’m heading back tomorrow so I thought I would come and check on you.”

“Well, there’s not mu-”

“Stay back, Gray.”

“Huh?”

“He’s not who he says he is.” Natsu said simply. He took a step forward, arms outstretched a little. Not much, but just enough to be slightly defensive. _How did Gray not pick the sarcasm in Matt’s tone?_

“What the hell, Natsu?” Gray glanced from Natsu to Matt, then back again. “It’s _Matt_.”

“So they didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?” Gray frowned, noticing the way Natsu had positioned himself between him and the nurse. “What’s going on?”

“Well, I’m assuming by now that you’ve found me out.” Matt tilted his head slightly, “Judging by your reaction Natsu, you know.”

“We had our suspicions.”

“Suspicions of what?” Gray interjected.

“I didn’t want to tell you, not until we knew for sure…but I guess everything is out in the open now.” Natsu kept his defensive stance. “Gray, he’s working with the people who took you.”

Matt chuckled, smirking at the pair. “Do you know how _long_ I had to play _nice_?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah…we all know how long you had to ‘play nice’, as you call it, Brother.”

“Great of you to show up, Fae.” Matt grinned, “did you bring the rest?”

“What the hell?” Gray tried to keep the waver from his voice. “Matt? Fae?”

“Haven’t quite connected the dots, Fullbuster? Or maybe you just don’t believe me.” Matt glanced behind him, jabbing his thumb in that general direction, “maybe _he_ will help.”

Gray tore his panicked gaze from Natsu. Looking beyond where Matt stood, his blood ran cold. Amongst a group of seven unfamiliar faces, one stood out. _Giganto?_ “No. You can’t be here.” Gray felt as his hands began to shake uncontrollably. He reached forward, hoping Natsu would be there to take them, to ground him in some way, to make him feel safe. He wasn’t there. Gray hadn’t even noticed Natsu move, but the hatred in Natsu’s tone told him everything he needed to know. The Dragon Slayer was running forward, flames balling around his clenched fists.

“You. Bastard!” Natsu yelled. “What you did to him. He didn’t deserve that. Not at all.”

“Natsu! Natsu wai-”

“I’m done waiting! I’ve been waiting to do this since the day they took you!”

“Please!” Gray dashed forward, latching his fingers onto Natsu’s arm. “You know why they’re here. See how they aren’t moving, they know you walk right into their hands. Don’t give them what they want. I-”

“-but I’m not letting them take you again! I can’t go through that again!”

“That doesn’t mean you have to be reckless! You know you’re the one they want, they never wanted me, they needed me to get to you.”

“Smart one, Fullbuster…” Kain replied, “Though you’re only half right.”

“Huh?”

“You can’t walk into a guild, declare you’re going to kill the demon E.N.D. and not expect that to get around.”

“Guild? What guild?” Gray stared at them, wide eyed.

“Why, Avatar of course. You allied yourself with them for a short while, did you not? Don’t tell me you managed to delete that too?”

Gray shook his head, _of course._ He remembered it somewhat, the reason he was there he knew now only because Natsu had explained everything that had happened, he had fixed all the events he had got mixed up. “I remember,” he growled in response.

“What’s Avatar got to do with this?” Erza cut in. Lyon had run off to collect the rest of the guild the moment he’d seen Matt.

“Oh, Avatar has everything to do with this.” Kain laughed.

“You see Fullbuster,” Fae turned to Gray, “You didn’t just infiltrate that guild, you disbanded it…”

“…but not without leaving a gift of sorts.” Matt continued. “Your declaration to kill E.N.D. gave us something.”

“Get to the point!”

“Zeref did nothing when it came to helping the members of Avatar, so we wanted to take something from him. There _you_ were. You wanted E.N.D. dead, so did we. It was perfect, and better yet we could take something from Fairy Tail too.”

“So you take Gray because you know he can kill E.N.D.,” Natsu glared at them, “and you assume that means he knows who and where the demon is.”

“Something like that,” Matt answered. “It couldn’t have worked better though, at the time we didn’t quite realise just how useful he’d be.”

“He didn’t tell you anything though!” Natsu snapped.

“Oh, but he did,” Fae laughed.

“I what?” Gray’s breath caught in his throat.

“In your own way, that is.” Matt smirked. “Your refusal to say anything, when we knew you wanted to kill E.N.D. told us you didn’t only know who the demon was, but that knew him personally.”

Kain grinned, “Thank you, by the way. You did a number on that spell, screwed up your own brain in the process according to Lexer here. Quite conveniently forgetting the information we were torturing you for.”

“It took a while, but once Natsu turned up at the hospital it was quite obvious to me.” Matt continued. “You forgot E.N.D. even existed, at the same time you also forgot your best friend.”

Fae giggled, “What a coincidence.”

 _Shit. They know._ Gray swallowed down his panic, still keeping a firm grip on Natsu’s wrist.

“What does that have anything to do with Fairy Tail though?” Lucy stalled for time.

“You were the ones who followed up Fullbuster’s lead, were you not?” Kain grimaced, “You’re the reason my brother is now imprisoned, the reason our friends are now stuck in grimy cells for the rest of their lives. You took something from us, so we take something from you.”

“Two birds one stone, so to speak,” Matt chuckled, “Plus now, the real reason this all started will be the one to finish it.”

“There is no way in hell that I would even consider-” Gray started, anger lacing his tone.

“Oh but you will.” Kain smirked. “All in good time, and then you can feel the loss that we did. You can _all_ feel the loss that we did.”

“Isn’t it about time we do what we came to do?” Fae whined, looking Natsu up and down.

“Go ahead.” Kain gave them a nod.

Both Matt and Fae headed for Natsu while the other five ran past him towards the rest of the guild. In that moment, Gray rushed forward to put himself between where Kain, Fae and Matt were and Natsu. His heart thudded painfully fast in his chest as he glanced back at Natsu, but he was surprised to see that Natsu seemed quite calm. Gray honestly didn’t know what he had planned as he’d run forward, he wasn’t even sure he could control his ice yet, but he did know that he would protect Natsu. He knew he had to protect Natsu from the problem _he_ had created. _It’s all my fault_.

“Don’t you touch him!”

Natsu’s flames died in his hand when he heard the rage in Gray’s tone. There was something else there too though, something Natsu could only pick out as fear.

“Oh? Are you sure you don’t want to kill him? He is part of the cause of your families deaths after all.”

“We can hold him down for you if it will make it easier.” Fae sneered.

As the siblings closed the gap between them, still heading for Natsu, Gray clenched his fists to stop his hands from shaking. The fear mixed with his strong protective instinct sent a charge of power running through his chest. Gray’s voice was barely a growl as he glared at the trio in front of him, “I _said_ , don’t you touch him!” Gray yelled the last, and with everything he could pull from what strength he’d gained over the past few months, he threw every last bit of his energy into the palms of his hands before slamming them downwards. Everything he felt, the rage, the fear, the love; it all went into that one movement.

Everyone went quiet. Even the rest of the guild stopped mid fight, all turning towards Gray and Natsu.

Gray wasn’t sure if he’d managed to do anything at all. Then suddenly there was a flash of blinding light and a searing pain flooded his chest originating from his guild mark and then spreading throughout his body. A scream was torn from his lips as his knees buckled and he crashed to the ground. Somewhere he could hear Natsu’s voice but he couldn’t make out the words. Then just for a moment, he could hear Natsu clear as day, and his own voice too.

_“Ice Make: Rampart!”_

_“Gray…”_

_“I told you before, I’ll handle this guy!”_

_“But you just used up too much of your magic!”_

_“Just go, dammit!”_

_“Gray…”_

_I won’t let him through, even if it costs me my life!”_

Natsu shielded his eyes from the blinding light with his arm, it wasn’t warm though, like he’d expected, it was cold. _Ice?_ _Is this Gray? No, it can’t be…but then, who else?_ He squinted in the remnants of the bright light surrounding him. “Gray?” The man in question was kneeling on the ground a few meters from where Natsu still stood, his head was bowed, and even at such a distance Natsu could tell Gray was shaking. Natsu took a step forward, and it was only then that he realised their surroundings. Gray had managed to cage them both in a large dome of ice. _How though?_ “Gray? Are you alright?”

“Of course I’m alright Flame Brain! It would take more than that to take me down and you know it.”

 _Flame Brain…_ It had been over a year since he’d heard that nickname, Natsu felt as though his heart had skipped a beat. “Gray? Is that you?”

“I’ve always been me, Natsu, you idiot.”

Natsu couldn’t help but chuckle, “…but you remember who I am to you?”

“Yeah, I do.” Gray smiled sadly, running a hand through his hair. “It’s been a while for you, hasn’t it?”

Natsu could feel a lump rising in his throat, “I’d say ‘a while’ doesn’t quite cover it.” As Gray pulled himself to his feet Natsu could see how different the old Gray had been, they were just little things, but for Natsu, they were enough. The slight swagger in his stance, and even the flippant fondness in his tone was something else Natsu hadn’t heard until quite recently. Natsu took a step forward. As he stood there facing Gray, barely meters apart, it was then Natsu could see just how blind he’d been. The unabashed fondness in Gray’s expression was something he’d only just really noticed, but there was a sadness there too. “Gray, what is it?”

“I’m sorry, Natsu.”

“For what?” Panic clutched at his chest. “You have no reason to be sorry, you haven’t done anything to apologise for.”

“It’s not what I’ve done, Natsu,” Gray couldn’t keep his voice form shaking as he tried to explain, “it’s what you’re going to have to do.”

“What?”

“If you don’t want me to kill you, you’ll have to stop me somehow, and I don’t think just knocking me out will work this time either…”


	27. Twenty-Six - Ice vs Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp! I honestly don't know what to say... well, other than thank you so much for all the reviews and support! I'm so glad you guys all want to keep reading despite my flaky updates and the massive angst storm that this fic is. Thank you for sticking with me! :) Not long to go now!
> 
> Enjoy? :)
> 
> Last Chapter: Gray has a nightmare, then as the pair head off to train they bump into Matt and Avatar II. The final showdown has begun!

**“ _If you lose yourself your courage soon will follow, so be strong tonight. Remember who you are_.”  
\- Sound the Bugle, Bryan Adams**

“What the _hell_ is that.” Erza exclaimed loudly. Feeling relieved that Avatar II had also stopped in their tracks.

“Gray.” Lyon muttered, “it could only have been Gray.”

“Gray?” Lucy squeaked, “but that thing’s huge!”

There was no other word for it. The ice dome stretched over the entirety of the intersection where they’d met Matt and reached at least fifteen feet in height.

“So, I guess he has his magic back then.” Matt chuckled. “I wonder though, what other things this little gem has brought up for our mutual frie-”

Loke punched Matt hard on the face, and was showing no indication that he was going to stop, either. “You are no friend of Gray’s.”

“Figure of speech.” Matt stumbled back, rubbing his jaw. “I would be worried if I were you, if he were able to do _that_ , then from my understanding of Kakusareta Omoide _all_ of his memories should be back by now.”

“Shit!” Lyon felt panic grip his stomach as he ran towards the dome. He started to run around the edge of the dome, trying to find a crack, but it was solid. He could feel the power radiating from it too, it was definitely Gray’s. _This isn’t good_. “Gray!” He yelled, “Gray, can you hear me?”

There was no response.

“You absolute bastards!” Lyon charged at Matt, “Ice Make: Tiger.” He clapped his fist to his palm and a giant ice tiger leapt forwards. It headed straight for Matt.

In that moment everyone jumped back into gear. Erza changed armour so that swords surrounded her. She took out half of Avatar II before anyone else had really moved. Soon enough it was just Matt and Fae against Lyon, while the rest of the Kain’s guild had been knocked out. Small fry, compared to what Fairy Tail had grown used to. Yet there was something eerie about their master.

Kain was yet to fight at all.

The master of Avatar II had been watching the scene with a delighted smirk. As though nearly everyone from his own guild had now been knocked out and imprisoned by one of Fairy Tail’s rune mages, he knew what must be going on inside the dome. In his view there was little else to be done. One other thing he was sure of though, was that someone would try fight him eventually, once they’d taken down the twins. Something which the other ice guy seemed to be doing rather well at. _How annoying, I really had hoped they’d last a little longer._

A loud crack drew everyone’s attention to the large dome of ice. The deafening sound was followed by an agonised scream. Moments later the dome cracked again before it exploded on the spot. Anyone still standing was thrown back by the immense force of the cold air billowing outward. As the remaining members of Avatar II along with Fairy Tail stumbled up again a collective gasp rustled through the group.

In the centre of the intersection there was clearly Natsu and Gray, but there was something wrong. It only took Lucy a couple of steps forward to see what it was.

Gray was shaking. Shaking with what looked like sobs as he knelt in the middle of the street. Half his face, chest, and one arm was covered with the Ice Demon Slayer markings along with something that looked suspiciously like blood. In his arms, lay Natsu. He wasn’t moving, and as she took another step closer, she could see that it was him who was the source of all the blood.

– o – o – o –

“Are you alright?”

Gray blinked. Natsu’s voice sounded more concerned than he thought he should be. _What have I apparently done this time, or what has he done?_ “Of course I’m alright Flame Brain! Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Gray? Is that you?”

 _He still sounds wary._ Gray tilted his head to the side slightly. “I’ve always been me, Natsu, you idiot.”

Natsu chuckled, “…but you remember who I am to you?”

“Yeah, I do.” Gray smiled sadly, running a hand through his hair. “It’s been a while for you, hasn’t it?” Gray didn’t need an answer, but he had to ask. He could remember all of it, in a strange pocket of his mind: the confusion of not knowing, the pain of the realisation of who Natsu was to him, even just knowing how hard the situation was for Natsu. Gray could remember everything he’d done but as if through a vail, as if the truth of his present situation was putting up a wall, trying to shield himself from losing Natsu again. Natsu’s response, however, left Gray with an entirely different feeling. Guilt was a word which could be used, but Gray felt it was something much more than that.

“I’d say ‘ _a while_ ’ doesn’t quite cover it.” Natsu stood, mouth lightly agape. He didn’t realise just how much he missed the old look of recognition in Gray’s eyes. That look meant something entirely different now, now that Natsu understood.

Gray pulled himself to his feet. Looking silently at Natsu, the constant ache in his chest renewing itself and finding its home behind his ribs. It was as if it had never disappeared. As if his feelings for Natsu had stayed dormant the whole time, just waiting for the moment to spring back to life. It was then that Natsu’s expression changed, as if he was just realising something and didn’t quite know how to think.

 “Gray, what is it?” Natsu’s intense gaze flicked over Gray’s tensed fingers, to the slight crease in his friend’s brows.

Gray swallowed. He could feel as his Demon Slayer magic mixed with the Kakusareta Omoide spell, as it began to push at the edges of his consciousness. To Gray, it felt as if it were angry. “I’m sorry, Natsu.”

“For what?” Natsu offered Gray a nervous smile. “You have no reason to be sorry, Gray, you haven’t done anything to apologise for.”

“It’s not what I’ve done, Natsu,” Gray couldn’t keep his voice form shaking as he tried to explain. “it’s what you’re going to have to do.”

“What?” Natsu faltered, “What do you mean?”

“If you don’t want me to kill you, you’ll have to stop me somehow, and I don’t think just knocking me out will work.”

“What the hell Gray!”

“The spell is taking over again, I can feel it.” Gray’s hands began to shake, “I don’t want to kill you, Natsu, and it _will_ make me do it. I won’t be able to fight it, not forever.”

“You’re giving up so soon.” Natsu replied shortly, “That’s not the Gray I know. They tortured you for a _year_ and you didn’t give up. Why now?”

“Me? Give up?” Despite the situation, Gray tried to sound light-hearted, _just maybe, if I act like we always did, maybe the spell will let me go…_ the thought was there, but Gray knew it was futile. “I just want you to know, Natsu, no matter what happens, I do love you. Whatever I do, or say…I don’t _want_ to kill you, I-”

“I know you don’t want to kill me Gray, that’s obvious enough. So show me you _won’t_ do it.”

“Natsu I-” Gray doubled over, clutching his head, “No.” He muttered aggressively, “no!”

“Gray! Are y-”

“No! Stay away from me!”

It was difficult to miss the pain in Gray’s expression. Natsu did as he asked. “You can fight it, Gray! I know you can. I-” Natsu stopped, he breath caught in his throat. It was only a few seconds, but just for a moment he saw Gray’s eyes clouded over as the darkened patches of skin on his right side spread towards the tips of his fingers. The expression on Gray’s face though was one of pure hatred. A look he hadn’t seen on Gray’s face before at all.

It was only for a moment though before Gray straightened up again, straining to keep a hold of the dark power surging within him. _I won’t hurt him._ Staring intently at Natsu, he tried a small smile. He could feel as hateful, angry urge to kill Natsu brought on by Kakusareta Omoide slowly receded to the back of his mind. The black markings began to fade

“See, I told you you could fight it.” Natsu grinned, “Now, see if you can get rid of this ice-dome so we can finish this and get back to our lives as normal.” Natsu hestitated, “Well, after I’ve kicked Kain’s butt.”

Gray grinned back, wider this time. “Not if I get there first!” It felt just like old times, them, together, planning to compete over how best to overthrow the evil at hand. He held Natsu’s gaze, and for just a moment it felt as if he were whole again. As if the past year had just been a nightmare, and the way he felt then, apart from the physical and emotional strain he’d just been under he felt more like himself than he ever had.

It didn’t take long though for Kakusareta Omoide to bubble back up and fight for control over Gray’s mind. He doubled over again, unable to stop himself as he created a shard of jagged purple ice. It was nothing like his usual creations, there was no symmetry, nor was there anything smooth about it. If it was his panic or a lack of practice Gray wasn’t sure. It took all his strength to keep the point of the blade pointed towards himself.

“It won’t stop!” Gray panted, fighting against the spell.

Natsu took a tentative step forward. He knew what he was about to say was far from what Gray wanted to hear, but if Gray couldn’t fight it there was no other option. “The bloodlust, it will stop if you hurt me, right?”

Gray managed to get a hold of his mind again so to answer. “We don’t know that!”

“But it’s worth a try? Right?” Natsu looked desperate. “Things will go back to normal?”

“I _will_ kill you though. If I let go for even a second it will take over and won’t be able to stop it. I can feel it, Natsu, it hates you so much.”

“Then let it!” Natsu cried out. “This will all stop! You will be free of this hell-”

“But I won’t have you!”

Silence fell between them.

“Gray…you’re not going to kill me. I know you’re scared, but you need to trust that you’re better than what they did to you.”

_Am I though? Really?_

That was all it took. One small moment of self-doubt. Gray felt as something snapped inside him. That little segment of hope he’d stored in his heart and used to keep the last of the spell at bay was gone. An icy cold spread to the tips of his fingers along with the dark Demon Slayer markings on his skin. As the last of the warmth left his heart, and Kakusareta Omoide took over, his gaze turned to Natsu, but there was nothing of Gray left in those dark eyes.

“Gray?” Natsu cautioned, “Gray, what are you doing?”

With a guttural yell Gray darted forward, the fist not clenched around the shard of ice flew at Natsu’s jaw, and then his stomach. Natsu grinned in response, punching back with just as much force, flames billowed up around his clenched fists. He didn’t want to fight Gray, but to Natsu it seemed that it may be the only way to somehow get through to him.

“Fight it, Gray!”

Gray lunged for him, his arms wrapping tightly around Natsu’s waist trying to get him to the ground but Natsu managed to slip free and using Gray’s surprise to his own advantage he managed to fling Gray against the side of the ice dome.

“I know you don’t want to hurt me!”

Gray stumbled up and charged at Natsu again, this time with a burning hatred in his eyes. The shard of ice was now directed at Natsu. The Dragon Slayer shot a ball of flames at Gray which hit him in the stomach and he stumbled back, momentarily winded. Natsu didn’t want to do anything to him other than slow him down, but part of him knew that he’d have to do something big to really break through the spell. _I know you can break free of this. Fight it, Gray!_

For one second as Gray stood there, panting, he managed to break free again. He straightened up, staring at Natsu pleadingly. “Kill me, Natsu,” Gray took in a deep breath, “please…I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Shut it!” Natsu yelled, “I don’t want to hurt _you_ either! I won’t!”

“Please…” Gray’s voice shook. “Just kill m-”

Gray’s words were stopped with a timely punch to his jaw. He stumbled back as Natsu unclenched his fist.

“I said, shut it Snowflake!”

“You don’t understand!” Gray’s voice cracked, “I _will_ kill you.”

“No, you won’t.”

“Natsu!” Gray yelled. “Please…”

“Gray I can’t. I’m sorry.” Natsu took another step forward, noticing to late that Gray’s expression had darkened again. “You are the last person I ever want to hurt, Gray. I know you couldn’t do the same to m-” Natsu gasped, his hands automatically clutching at his stomach. He looked down to where a large shard of purple tinted ice protruded from his abdomen.

There was a beat of silence. A moment where Gray’s consciousness became his own again and he realised what he’d done. Panic, guilt, it all welled up inside him. _What have I done?_

Natsu glanced up in horror, his own expression mirrored in Gray’s. “G- Gray?”

“What have I done? Natsu? Natsu!” Gray panicked. “Speak to me Natsu!”

“It- it’s alright G- Gray.” Natsu smiled in a small attempt of reassurance even as his legs gave way beneath him.

Gray caught him, lowering him gently to the ground. Cradling Natsu in his arms, Gray couldn’t help the tears that rolled down his cheeks. “Why are you smiling? This,” he gestured wildly to the ice in Natsu’s abdomen, “this is not good!”

“For you.”

“What?” Gray stifled a sob.

“For _you_. I’m smiling for you.”

“No. Natsu…” Gray whispered, “you don’t have to, I- Natsu? Natsu!”

Natsu didn’t respond.

Gray’s yell of anguish sent shockwaves of magic through the ice dome, cracking it down one side. Smaller cracks bled from it, snaking outwards and upwards until the entire dome threatened to crash around them. Gray’s second cry sent the pieces flying. He bent down, pulling Natsu to his chest, not caring that the blade of ice was now cutting into his side as well. That was nothing to the pain of losing Natsu.

Leaning forward, he pressed a gentle kiss to Natsu’s forehead. _I’m sorry._


	28. Twenty-Seven - Nothing Left to Lose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I must note, before you read this chapter, (though you may have noticed I finally changed the _/? to _/30) that this is the second last full chapter *panics* - so just one more after this plus the epilogue and then we're done! Phew! This chapter is neither happy or sad, nor (I imagine) will it be much consolation for the angst of last chapter, though it will be enough. I loved and hated writing this chapter, there was genuine stress and I know what will happen...
> 
> Enjoy :)

**“ _Yeah, I might seem so strong, yeah, I might speak so long, I've never been so wrong_.”  
\- Strong, London Grammar**

White hot pain flooded Natus’s body. Instinctively he glanced down at the source to see a large shard of ice protruding from his stomach. Natsu knew that Gray’s shocked expression was mirrored in his own as he looked back up at his boyfriend. _He did it… he actually- at least he’ll be free of Kakusareta Omoide now._ Despite his knee-jerk reaction, Natsu couldn’t help the feeling of betrayal. It lasted only for a moment, but it was enough, _Gray must have noticed_. Natsu choked up enough breath to whisper, “G- Gray?”

“What have I done? Natsu? Natsu!”

Gray’s voice reached him as if from the end of a long tunnel. Echoing, not completely his.

“Speak to me, Natsu!”

Natsu tried to smile in a small attempt of reassurance even as his legs gave way beneath him. “It- it’s alright G- Gray.” He felt as strong arms lowered him to the ground, but through that strength Natsu could feel Gray shaking.

“Why are you smiling?”

Natsu could hear the panic in Grays voice as he answered.

“This- this is not good!”

“For you.” Natsu managed to speak, his breath catching as he did.

“What?”

“For  _you_. I’m smiling for you.”

The pain became overwhelming. It filled his eyes, his nose, his mouth. His screams made no sound as he sank into an abyss of white light where even Gray’s strong arms could no longer reach him.

When Natsu’s eyes opened again he was no longer in the middle of the road, nor was it late morning. Natsu was sat at the top of the hill overlooking the river, the sun was setting in the distance. He knew this place all too well. The river didn’t run as strong now as it had when they were younger, nor as wide. He jumped slightly as he saw Gray sitting next to him. It wasn’t Gray though, not the Gray of his present anyway. He was younger, but not by much. Natsu soon realised this was the Gray before he had been taken. He looked stronger, his bare chest held only light, time weathered scars, and his guild mark was still whole. Gray stared at him with that strong fondness he always had.

“Whatchoo doin’ here Ice-Boy?” Natsu hadn’t used that nickname in years, but somehow, it felt right.

“You’re the one who called me here Ash-Breath!” Gray snapped. “You tell me…”

Through Gray’s flippant tone, Natsu could hear the humour in his words. Usually, he would respond with equal flippancy but this was not the time.

“I died, Gray, you…well, future you killed me.” Natsu started hesitantly. Gray was silent for a moment, keeping his head down. When Gray’s gaze finally met his own, Natsu was shocked to see Gray had tears in his eyes.

“So I did it? I actually did it?”

The amount of pain in Gray’s expression, it was almost hard to look at. “You didn’t want to!” Natsu back tracked.

“Of course,” Gray chuckled before letting his expression turn serious. “I love you, Natsu, I never wanted to kill you. You know that.”

Natsu offered a shaky smile. They sat in silence, each absorbed in their own thoughts.

“Tell me something though Natsu.”

“Yeah?”

“If I killed you, what are you doing here?” Gray smiled at the look of confusion on Natsu’s face.

“Well, I want to say it’s some form of heaven, being here, with you,” Natsu smiled whimsically, “but as a demon of Zeref, I doubt I’d get into any sort of heaven.”

Gray chuckled. “Not quite. Though that would be nice.”

“Where am I then?”

“If you’re not in heaven, and it seems you’ve already decided this isn’t your hell. Plus let’s be real, if you had been killed, would I really be here?”

Natsu frowned, “Then…”

“Then logically, you aren’t dead.”

“What?” There was a beat of silence, then Natsu burst into peels of laughter. “I was stabbed with Demon Slayer ice, of course I’m dead!”

“Sure, but that was very weak Demon Slayer ice. So relatively, that stab wound to you, is a pin-prick to E.N.D.,” Gray chuckled, “and either way, you’ve survived worse. Did you really think you’d go down that easily?”

“So, I’m not dead?”

“Not dead.” Gray repeated slowly.

“If I’m not dead, which I am thankful for, truly,” Natsu smiled, “but if I’m not dead then where the hell am I?”

“Good question.”

“Is this even real?”

“Another excellent question.”

“No answer?”

“Nup!”

“Great load of help you are!”

“I just convinced you that you aren’t dead!”

“True.” Natsu laughed. “The next question then is how do I get out?”

Gray opened his mouth to respond.

“And don’t say ‘good question’, please!”

“That’s up to you, Natsu, but I’d figure it out soon…there’s someone who needs your help.”

– o – o – o –

Erza was the first to her feet, reacting instantly. “Where’s Wendy? Get Wendy to them! Now!” She sent another sword flying through the first of Kain’s men to try and get anywhere close to Natsu and Gray.

Wendy was already skidding to a halt in front of the pair in the middle of the intersection. She brushed the shards of ice dome from her two friends, though neither really acknowledged her presence. Gray was still shaking with sobs, leaning forward over Natsu he didn’t want to seem to let go.

“Gray!” Wendy couldn’t help the tears welling up in her own eyes, “Gray! Let me see him! I can help!”

Gray shook his head, but moved to the side anyway. He couldn’t find the words to tell her Natsu was already gone. With a grimace, Wendy used one hand to pull out the shard of ice while the other poised ready to start her healing magic. She could sense something in Natsu which wasn’t quite gone, but she couldn’t quite pin point what. Deciding that didn’t matter, Wendy concentrated all her magic power towards the wound in Natsu’s abdomen. With that, she started to try and heal the wound.

“Honestly. Do I have to do everything myself?”

Gray’s attention was pulled reluctantly from Natsu. The anger and frustration in Kain’s tone was enough to make Gray’s heart stop. _No_. Gray stood. With one hand, he froze the wound in his left side, letting the cold of the ice dull the pain. _No_. Turning towards Kain, his expression of pure hatred matched that of his enemy. Gray smirked, “Not your lucky day is it? Kain, right? Nice to finally know the name of my captor… _Giganto_ suits you better though, I would think.”

“What- what the hell?”

“Well, I’m under the impression that through thinking I’ve killed E.N.D. I’ve broken free of Kakusareta Omoide.”

“You don’t know that Demon is even alive still, let alone ever going to be _fine_ again. You’ve as good as killed him.”

Gray swallowed, _he’ll be fine._ “That may be so, but then all the more reason for me to destroy you. You see, I’m not sure for how long, but I have the most access to my power that I’m ever going to get right now, as well as _all_ my memories.”

“Shit.”

“You tried to make me kill someone I love.” Gray clenched his fists. “I wish you luck, _Kain_ , you’re gonna need it.”

Kain stayed silent. He seemed to be considering the situation, but underneath the calm exterior, he looked panicked. His eyes flitted between Gray, Natsu and Wendy on the ground, and the rest of the guild, all of whom were watching the scene below with close attention. He then grinned, a yellow toothed, half formed grin. “Do you really think you’ve won? _Really_? Do you honestly think – that Demon Slayer or not – that your own magic amounts to anything against me?”

“Well, I haven’t seen much from you yet.”

“You dare?” Kain growled.

“Course.” Gray tilted his head, “hit me with all you’ve got. I can take it.” _I’ve got nothing to lose._

“Gray, no!” Lucy dashed forward but she stopped in her tracks when Gray flung out an arm.

“Nobody help, this is my fight!”

“But-”

“I can’t let these people hurt anyone else!”

“Alright then.” Kain, glanced up at the guild, then between the Lexer twins and Natsu. “Looks like this is a one man show today.”

“What do you-”

“This will be so much fun.” Kain grinned. I look of pensive concentration filled his expression, yet he still didn’t move.

From the corner of his eye Gray saw movement from where Natsu had been lying. He blinked, turning his head towards where moments ago Wendy had knelt by Natsu’s side. Neither were there.

“Natsu? How did you-” Gray stopped in his tracks. Natsu stood before him, looking almost as if he’d never been hurt at all.

“Oh, this…” Natsu grinned wide, he gestured to the gaping wound in his abdomen, as he stepped up in front of Gray. “This is nothing. I’m fine, physically anyway, that ice couldn’t ever have done that much to me, not in that state. My Dragon Slayer anatomy took care of that…”

Gray breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s good then? You’ll be alright? Natsu I- I was so worried.” He paused, “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? Sorry just won’t do…”

“Natsu I-”

“You didn’t think did you? Just stab stab stab- Oh, Natsu? I’ll just kill him, but he’ll be fine-”

“What are you on about?” Panic clenched at Gray’s stomach. “I’m sorry, Natsu, I really am. I screwed everything up.”

Natsu snorted. “To put it lightly. Honestly Gray? You ruined everything. You and your little kidnapping stunt. You ruined my year. Then you go and kill me.”

Tears of guilt and shame forced their way out of Gray’s eyes. “Natsu…please, I-”

“If you apologise again, Gray, I swear-”

“You’ll do what? Kill me?” Gray spat the words out _._

Natsu chuckled. “No, you’d need to beg for that first.”

Gray frowned. _Death?_

Natsu sighed. “What _are_ you sorry for anyway?”

“Do you even need to ask that?”

“Well it makes a difference.” Natsu answered. “You see, if you’re apologising for killing me, then that is redundant. I’m dead, no amount of apologies would change that. However if you’re apologising, for telling me you loved me, apologising for breaking my trust, apologising for kissing me like that and then _stabbing_ me in the back. That’s a different story.”

“You’re not dead though. You’re here…in front of me.”

“Oh, Gray…” Natsu shook his head, “Haven’t you worked it out yet?”

Gray frowned. Then slowly it all seemed to click. _This isn’t Natsu…how did you ever think it was?_ He looked up, and in seeing the betrayal and hatred in Natsu’s eyes made him realise. _It’s what I expect, it’s what I think I deserve, it’s what I fear._

“This is all your fault…”

“I know that. I-”

“…and so, here I am.”

“To what? Kill me?”  Gray repeated, taking a step back as he realised just how true that could be. “If this isn’t real, then what?” Gray glanced around in panic. It was only now that he realised his surroundings had darkened, the buildings and people blurred and warped into weird looming shapes. “Is this Kain? Is he doing this?”

“Didn’t you hear me before?” Natsu tilted his head to the side, his eyes shining wickedly. “You need to _beg_ for it.”

“What? What kind of sick game is this? Let me out!”

“This is your own personal hell, Gray, I’ll add fuel to your fears until you have nothing left in your mind but them, and by then it’ll be too late. The only way you get out of here is by begging for your own death.”

– o – o – o –

“What’s Kain done to him?” Loke yelled, looking on in worry as Gray stood rooted to the spot. He was completely still apart from the shaking in his hands. Loke tried to run forward but Matt stepped forward blocking his path.

“It’s quite an interesting spell really. Look at the pain in his expression,” he smirked, “Fullbuster must be going through _hell_.”

 _Shit._ “You bastards!” Loke could feel the magical energy surging through his body towards his palms. “Haven’t you put him through enough?” Loke shot the ball of pure energy at Matt, as his anger bubbled further.

Matt managed to dodge the blow, but the residual energy hit Kain in the shoulder and the beefy man stumbled back. Matt balled up a swirling mass of dark energy and sent it charging towards Loke in retaliation. Loke blocked it, but he could feel as his connection with the real world weaken’d slightly as the spell hit. He was about to hit Matt with another spell when a yell of pain drew everyone’s attention back to Gray and Kain.

“I- I can’t do this anymore.” Gray’s voice came in a broken whisper. “Just kill me, please…”

A familiar roar of anger drew everyone’s heads again, this time in the direction of Natsu and Wendy. Wendy jumped back with a gasp, Natsu had sat up straight at the sound of Gray’s voice. With surprising ease Natsu jumped up, his words laced with hatred as he stormed past Gray towards Kain. “You leave him alone!”

“It’s no use, Natsu.” Fae sniggered.

“The only way out for Fullbuster now is death.” Matt finished.

“I’ve heard that one before,” Natsu answered carefully, “and look how that turned out…”

The siblings stayed silent, aware of the anger in Natsu’s tone.

With a sad smile Natsu turned towards Gray. Taking a step closer, he gently took his hand. Even though he wasn’t sure if Gray could even hear him, Natsu spoke. “I don’t ever want to hear those words leave your lips again.” Though quiet, his voice held a desperate firmness.  “Now get your butt out here now Snowflake or I’m going to have to come in there and get you myself.” Natsu pressed his forehead to Gray’s. “Fight it, Gray,” he closed his eyes, “…please come back to me.”


	29. Twenty-Eight - Fire Cannot Kill a Dragon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! So, uhh, last full chapter! *squeals* Bonus, the epilogue is already written and will be posted within a week (probably the quickest update yet, and for that I apologise). I am honestly a little nervous, endings are hard for me to write, as are fight scenes, so this is a biggie! I'll be doing more thank you's after the Epilogue but I'll never thank you guys enough, so thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! For reading, enjoying, and as always, for letting me know what you think!
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoy this, the first of the last :)

**“Come on, come on, put your hands into the fire. Explain, explain, as I turn and meet the power.”  
 - Into the Fire, Thirteen Senses**

_I’ll add fuel to your fears until you have nothing left_.

Natsu’s words sunk in slowly. Gray blinked a few times, stared around his bleak surroundings, then turned back to Natsu. “You have got to be kidding me. _This_ is Kain’s power? He creates illusions of people’s fears to torture them to the point of wanting death?” _That is horrible._

Natsu looked taken aback.

“Why didn’t you use this on me when you took me in the first place?” Gray frowned, “No! Wait…” he began to chuckle, “because of what the spell does he can only use it once, and you needed me alive!”

“What- what are you trying to do?” Panic flitted across Natsu’s expression. “It was working before.”

“Of course it was. You thought I’d lost all hope, but Natsu is alive, I can feel it.” Gray couldn’t help the small smile which lit up his expression.

“The Demon Slayer is dead.”

“I have to disagree with you there.” Gray replied calmly. “Also, you know I know you aren’t really Him, what’s the point in keeping up the façade?” He spun around slowly, staring at his surroundings. “There has to be a way out.” When Gray reached his starting point Natsu was no longer Natsu. Kain stood in his place, watching Gray carefully.

“Yes.” Kain stated simply. “Death.”

“Nahh, other than death. Every power has its weak spot. Even yours. Though if this works on everyone you’ve used it on,” Gray thought aloud, “there wouldn’t be a way to know its weakness.”

Kain didn’t respond.

“Lucky you have _me_ here then.” Gray started to pace. “I remember one quest we went on, we had to melt the giant’s village which had been turned to ice. Our first thought was for Natsu to melt the ice for the obvious reason that fire melts ice. As it turned out, the ice used to freeze the village was much more advanced and it took another ice-mage, _me_ , to melt it.”

“Your point, Fullbuster?” Kain glared at Gray.

“Fight fire with fire.” Gray frowned, “You’ve used fear to keep me locked in here, maybe I can use fear to break out.”

Kain snorted. “The only way out of here for you is death.”

“You know you’d seem much more intimidating if you said something different. But of course, death _is_ the only answer.” Gray pondered this for a moment. Then a burst of heat cut through the darkened walls of the hell Kain had created. Gray knew that familiar warmth like the back of his hand. “Natsu.” He murmured.

“What did you say?”

An idea occurred to Gray as the protective warmth enveloped his body. He hated to do it, but he couldn’t think of anything else. _It’s worth a try._ Taking a deep breath, Gray put as much fear and emotion into his words as possible as he recited the admission which Kain had wanted to hear all along. “I- I can’t do this anymore. Just kill me, please…”

As a familiar roar of anger reached Gray’s ears he couldn’t help the wide smile which brightened his expression. The strength in Natsu’s fear of losing Gray again had managed to cut through the walls Kain had created, leaving Gray a possible way out. Gray tried to pull himself free, but he found he still couldn’t move. Panic tightened in Gray’s chest as he realised his plan might have failed.

“Did you really think it would be that easy?” Kain still held tight to the last of his spell but the desperation in his voice was obvious.

Gray was about to respond when a quieter, much kinder, much firmer voice spoke.

“I don’t ever want to hear those words leave your lips again. Now get your butt out here now Snowflake or I’m going to have to come in there and get you myself. Fight it, Gray…please come back to me.”

Gray smiled as tears threatened to roll down his cheeks. “Where else would I rather be?” Gray squeezed his eyes shut as a flash of bright white light swallowed him up and he felt as he was tugged back into open space. When Gray opened his eyes again, Natsu stood before him with his forehead pressed gently against his own. Gray gave Natsu’s hand a light squeeze. “I’m back.”

Natsu lent back slightly so he could look at Gray properly. He couldn’t tell which of them probably looked worse, but in that moment it didn’t matter. Natsu grinned, “It’s about time.”

“Like you can talk!” Gray quipped before giving Natsu a once over. “Not dead then?”

“Only just…” Natsu grinned, “You made a pretty good attempt though Snowflake, I’ll give you that.”

“Never again.”

Natsu gave a short nod. “Never again.”

Kain cleared his throat.

“Oh! I forgot you were there.” Natsu spun around so he now stood shoulder to shoulder with Gray. “Not sure how.”

“Yes you do.” Gray supplied.

Natsu paused for a moment in thought before glancing over at Gray with a fond smile. “Yes, yes I do.”

Gray turned to the rest of the guild who all seemed to be in various stages of shock. Both Gray and Natsu were covered in each others blood along with a collection of cuts and bruises, and both looked just about ready to pass out, but they were still standing. If anything, Gray’s next words were the icing on the cake.

“If you guys can handle Matt and Fae, we’ve got the rest.” Gray held up a hand as it looked like Erza was about to protest. “It may not look like it, but we’ll be fine,” Gray turned to Natsu, “right?”

“Right.”

Kain cracked his knuckles, glaring at the pair standing before him.

Gray flexed his fingers as the black Demon Slayer markings spread over the skin of his right side. “They say fire can’t kill a dragon, and luckily for us, neither, apparently can half strength Demon Slayer Ice.” He turned to Natsu with a small grin, “Would you like to do the honours?”

“With pleasure.” Scales spread over the left side of Natsu’s body while the fingers of his left hand turned to claws. Through his pink hair it was possible to see the horn of a dragon which matched the single wing which stretched past his left shoulder.

“Look at you both! Do you really think you can defeat me?” Kain tried to mask the panic rising in his chest. This had never been a part of his plan. Dealing with a broken Gray Fullbuster, easy. Dealing with an angry Dragon Slayer however, even Kain himself, with all his power and bravado, had slim chances of coming out in one piece. Kain didn’t doubt that.

“I wouldn’t test them, Kain,” Erza spoke, “don’t you know what happened to Mard Geer?”

The ruddy tinge to Kain’s face paled almost instantly. _Shit._

Natsu charged forward. Flames billowed from his clenched fists and snaked up his arms. Though there was anger in his movements, they were calculated, in the most un-Natsu-like way possible. Natsu leapt into the air towards Kain with his fist raised, the blow hit Kain square in the stomach. The beefy man stumbled back, gasping for breath, his shirt smoking slightly. Natsu then aimed a flaming kick at Kain’s legs to knock him over. Kain overbalanced again but managed to keep his footing just enough to hit Natsu with a blast of air which sent him flying into Gray. The pair hit the ground with a thud.

Gray’s head hit the concrete hard, his vision blurred with the throbbing of his head, but he managed to stay conscious. _Thankfully Natsu landed on me, he’s injured enough already._ “Natsu?”

Natsu nodded a response as he attempted to pull himself to his feet. There was something in that spell which was draining the strength from his legs.

“Who ever said that little mind trick was the only magic I could do?”

Gray coughed as he rolled onto his knees to slowly pull himself into a standing position. He then pulled Natsu up next to him. _We’ll be fine_.

“We’d be naïve to think such a thing.” Natsu drew in a breath. Though he could now stand he was still leaning on Gray for support more than he’d like to. With a prideful determination he let go of Gray’s shoulder, grounding himself with a deep breath, he prayed he’d stay balanced. Natsu glanced sideways to see Gray had lost his shirt. If not for the situation he probably would have laughed; it was almost a relief to see him do such a _Gray_ -like thing, it had been too long.

Kain launched himself at Natsu but Gray stepped in front taking the blow to his chest. He then used the close distance to aim a punch at Kain’s head, but that was all he could manage. The effort of just that making him stumble back. If it weren’t for Natsu, Gray knew he wouldn’t be able to do this at all. His motivation, his will power, it all lay with Natsu, Natsu helped to keep him strong.

As Kain faltered again Natsu sent a ball of swirling flames into Kain’s stomach, he doubled over, wheezing. He looked up, _it shouldn’t be this difficult, just finish them!_ Deciding that Gray would be easier to finish first he sent a gust of white hot air towards Gray so to throw him against the curb of the pavement. Gray’s head hit the concrete with a sickening crack, the pain blinded him momentarily as his hands tried to find something to push himself back up but nothing would work.

“Gray!” Natsu yelled, but Gray didn’t respond. Natsu ran forward his arm raised to swing at Kain in anger. At the same time with a grunt of effort Kain threw himself towards Natsu. Still not steady on his feet Natsu hit the ground as the larger man’s fist landed squarely on his stab wound. With a scream of pain Natsu lashed out with his clawed hand. It caught Kain across the face, leaving deep scratches through Kain’s right eye lid and cheek. He sank to his knees, fingers clutching at his bleeding face.

Natsu took that opportunity to lunge at Kain. With his knees now pinning the man to the ground his fingers reaching for the larger man’s throat. Flames billowed from his hands as they pressed into Kain’s neck. His yell of hatred and anger echoed through the crossroads, blocking the sounds of Kain’s gasps for breath from his ears.

One voice, however, managed to get through to him.

“Natsu!” Gray called, managing to crawl towards where Natsu knelt, his hands still unforgivingly clutched around Kain’s throat. “Natsu, please, don’t kill him!”

“What?” Natsu growled, turning quickly to look at Gray with pure confusion. “No! After all he’s done?”

“Natsu, please.” Gray continued. “I don’t want you to become a killer, Natsu, not for me.”

Natsu stared back at Gray, his mouth slightly agape. “He’s worth it though.”

“No, he is not.” Gray spoke gently, “No-one is worth you taking a life, no matter how guilty they are.”

“But what he did, what he did to _you_ –”

“Natsu, I’m fine,” Gray reasoned, “miraculously, you’re somewhat fine–”

“But–”

“After what he did he won’t get off easy, everyone will make sure of that, but you just can’t kill him.” Gray reached out to try and slip his fingers between Natsu’s hand and Kain’s neck. “I can’t even start to think what it could do to you.” _I know how it was for me._

Slowly Natsu loosened his grip. “For you Gray, anything.”

“Thank you.” Gray squeezed Natsu’s hand.

Noticing the look of relief on Kain’s face Natsu let out a growl of anger. “That doesn’t mean I won’t knock you out.” Still kneeling on him Natsu let a punch fly into Kain’s jaw, his head snapped back hitting the concrete with a crunch. Kain lay there, unmoving.

Natsu got to his feet and pulling Gray with him, they fell into step together. Both unsteady on their feet they didn’t make it that far in the direction of the guild before they crashed to the ground again. Fingers still locked together, they knelt. The pair couldn’t seem to keep their gaze from each other, both just as amazed to see the other in one piece.

Natsu gave Gray’s hand a gentle squeeze, “It’s all over.”

Gray managed a smile, “Finally.” He tilted his head slightly as he leant forward to capture Natsu’s lips with his own.

“Thank you, Gray.” Natsu whispered against Gray’s lips.

“For what?”

“For coming back to me.”

Gray chuckled lightly, “Thank _you_ for not giving up on me.” There was a moment of silence before Gray spoke again. “I love you.”

Natsu smiled, “Sounds about right…” Closing his eyes again Natsu let his forehead rest against Gray’s. “I love you too.”


	30. Epilogue - Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here it is, the Epilogue! I am honestly not entirely sure how I feel about finishing this, but it truth, I have never been good with endings...ever. I am really quite proud of what I have written, and happy that I did finish it (no matter how long it took), I really loved writing this story!
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who has read, commented, and given kudos to this work, you guys are all amazing! Truly! I am so glad you all enjoyed this story (though at times maybe not so much), it means a lot to me as a writer. You all really motivated me to keep writing even when I felt like even with my planning that this story was going nowhere. So, thank you, again!
> 
> Anywho, I hope you all have an amazing rest of the week, and for the last time...  
> Enjoy! :)

**“The world is brighter than the sun, now that you’re here. Though your eyes will need some time to adjust, to the overwhelming light surrounding us.”  
 - Light, Sleeping at Last**

Almost a week had passed since the battle between Fairy Tail and Avatar II, and things were getting back to normal. Well, as normal as things could get for Fairy Tail anyway. The Magic Council had collected the remnants of the Avatar II guild to be taken to separate gaols all over the country, and from there, Fairy Tail had started to try and rebuild the parts of the street the battle and Gray’s ice dome had destroyed. No-one was quite sure just how far the shrapnel from the explosion of the ice dome had gone, and so they’d been widening their clear up area each day. Even then, they all had a feeling they’d be finding shards of ice everywhere for quite a while.

Though most of the townsfolk hadn’t seen the fight itself, they couldn’t have missed the giant dome of ice which had appeared near the Fairy Tail guild hall. Story after story was being passed around town in explanation, each as farfetched as the last. Only Fairy Tail knew the real truth, and none of them were going to divulge it. That was for Natsu and Gray to share when they felt the time was right, if at all.

The whispers didn’t stop following the pair though as they walked through town going about their daily business. Gray didn’t think they ever would stop, but it didn’t matter to him, not really. Gray slipped his fingers into Natsu’s own as they crossed the street towards the markets. They still weren’t allowed to go on jobs (much to Natsu’s annoyance), but they needed to eat, and as Gray had pointed out: ‘We may have just nearly died, but if we don’t start getting back to normal now, when will we ever?’ Erza had begrudgingly agreed to let them leave the guild hall to walk into town, but warned them she’d have their heads if she found out they’d done anything more than buy groceries.

This went on for weeks until Gray finally put his foot down. With a glance at the others which clearly said ‘Don’t you dare stop me’ he had grabbed a small job from the board in one hand and Natsu’s hand in the other before walking from the guild hall with a grin and a wave saying they’d be back in a couple of days. For once Erza hadn’t stopped them. She knew full well they were perfectly capable by now, she had just wanted them to go on a job of their own accord. From then on things had been as normal as they ever had been.

– o – o – o –

On one particular morning, months after the battle, Gray was finding it rather difficult to get out of bed. Even after all this time, he’d still sometimes wake with aches and pains all over his body. Ghosts from his time with Avatar II. This time though it wasn’t so much that, but the fact that he was _extremely_ comfy.

_Content._

Gray rolled over in their bed, the warm morning sunlight shining through the gap in the curtains. He watched the slow rise and fall of Natsu’s chest as he slept. His boyfriend’s lips were parted slightly, but they still were unmistakably curved into a slight smile. The mornings like this were Gray’s favourite. He’d lost count of the times he’d woken up like this, though that didn’t make any of them less special than the last. There were some times though where Gray would wake in the early hours in a sweat. His hands shaking, cheeks damp, and a scream on his lips. Natsu would always hum an out of tune song and rub Gray’s back until his breathing had evened and they could go back to sleep. Despite Natsu’s reassurances that he couldn’t help it, Gray still hated that it happened. Even if Natsu’s out of tune humming _was_ one of his favourite things to listen to.

Gray watched with a fond smile as Natsu, yawning widely, blinked himself awake.

“Morning, Snowflake.” Natsu mumbled. A smile picking at the corners of his lips.

“Morning sleepy-head.” Gray replied, his voice still croaky with sleep. He let his eyes slip closed again, relishing in the calm warmth which had settled around them.

“Oi!” Natsu grumbled good-naturedly, “you can’t go back to sleep now!”

“And why not?”

“ _I’m_ awake.” Natsu answered defiantly, “and you know you love it here.”

“Only because you’re here.” Gray offered his cutest smile. He wrenched his eyes back open but only to capture Natsu’s response to his comment, Natsu’s grin was always worth it. Gray leaned forward to press a gentle kiss to Natsu’s lips.

A comfortable silence settled again as Natsu studied his boyfriends thoughtful expression. “You okay?”

Gray offered Natsu a small smile. “Much the same as yesterday.”

Natsu leaned forward, kissing Gray again, this time much deeper. _More please._

Despite knowing part of the reason as to why he’d received it, Gray leaned into the kiss. He brushed his fingers gently across Natsu’s cheek before, somewhat reluctantly, pulling away to answer. “I still remember both. I don’t think that will ever change really…remembering my own life two ways.” _With and without you._ Gray knew Natsu didn’t need to hear that last part. The first time he had said it without thinking. Gray didn’t want to bring those memories back for Natsu, that expression of hurt wasn’t one he wanted to see again. “I don’t think it’ll ever stop feeling strange.”

“As long as you’re alright though…”

“You’re here, Natsu, how could I not be?” Gray paused, “No, I’m better than alright, I’m content.” The loving smile Natsu gave him in response was enough for Gray to know he felt the same.

Natsu rolled towards Gray so that he could fit snuggly into his boyfriend’s embrace.

“It won’t happen again, none of it will.” Gray wrapped his arm around Natsu’s middle, and entwining his fingers with Natsu’s own Gray pulled him closer so he could bury his face in his hair. “I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” Gray answered. “You are my everything, Natsu, I love you.”

“Love you too.” Natsu closed his eyes. “Forever.”

Gray smiled as he gave Natsu’s hand a gentle squeeze. “Forever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. I honestly cried twice writing the epilogue, first because I wasn't sure how to end it (and I was worried that you guys would even like the ending I chose), and secondly because those two idiots really are a bit too cute *sobs* dammit!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and sticking with me all this time! You guys really are amazing!!  
> Anna :)


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